What's Bothering You?

[xSuperMario64x]

^ as an autistic person I know the concept and feeling of alienation all too well

Spoiler: tw, ptsd/death

ever since our cat Xander died I've been terrified whenever I see one of our cats (or my dog) sleeping and they aren't responsive when I nudge them. my kitten Miko was sleeping by my feet and when I moved I accidentally bumped her with my foot but she didn't get up or move so my immediate instinct was "oh god is she still alive?" she is okay, thank goodness. but the fact that Xander passed so quickly and unexpectedly, and that I was the one who found him like that, has just really messed me up.

it's also made my anxiety so much worse. every day I think to myself "I could literally just die at any moment without explanation". I worry about losing my animals and my mom every single day. it's a never ending torture.

it's honestly really made me question my mere existence, and made me realize that there's a whole future out there that I'll never get to experience. my time here is so limited. I also feel like my persistent depression is making me waste that limited time.

idk everything is so difficult to comprehend. all I can really do is distract myself from it.

 

[Mr.Fox]

Spoiler: q

You know what, cliques are okay. But what annoys me are cliques that do a good job of alienating you no matter how much you try to talk to them. Like I get it, I’m not part of your group, but would it kill you to at least acknowledge my (or other’s) efforts in trying to spark a conversation for everyone to join in? I love interacting with people I play with, even if it’s different people every time, but I always feel bad for anyone who feels left out because I know how that’s like. And who knows, anyone not part of the ‘clique’ can be someone’s future good friend!

I don’t know. I hate the concept of alienation a lot. And I hate the feeling that no matter how much I try to talk to the same people, they make me feel like an outsider so much.

I don’t know why I care a lot. I know I shouldn’t, but seeing the same people in the same space as me just triggers my emotions.

You care because you have a good heart. Be proud of that...they're hard to find these days.

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

I fell down the stairs (kind of). I was running and missed a step, more like. Thankfully it was only on the last three steps and I only hurt my foot, even though I landed pretty hard on my side. I gotta be more careful, though.

 

[oak]

It's too hot to go to Vancouver Pride tomorrow which sucks cause all my friends are going. Plus I haven't gone to the parade since before covid in 2019 but the heat makes me break out in rashes and I get a lil cranky so it's best just to stay home this year.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

Spoiler: ;;

been sleeping most of the day. I just don't have the energy to do anything. I feel like I have the flu without actually having the physical symptoms. there was a lgbt+ potluck today at 3pm and I didn't get to go bc I've been sleeping so much today.

lately my off days aren't just off days where I feel a little down and need to relax. they feel like my depression is coming back full throttle and has run me over with a truck. at this point I'm just trying to survive, doing the bare minimum.

 

[-Mars-]

---

 

[skarmoury]

Spoiler: q

You know what, cliques are okay. But what annoys me are cliques that do a good job of alienating you no matter how much you try to talk to them. Like I get it, I’m not part of your group, but would it kill you to at least acknowledge my (or other’s) efforts in trying to spark a conversation for everyone to join in? I love interacting with people I play with, even if it’s different people every time, but I always feel bad for anyone who feels left out because I know how that’s like. And who knows, anyone not part of the ‘clique’ can be someone’s future good friend!

I don’t know. I hate the concept of alienation a lot. And I hate the feeling that no matter how much I try to talk to the same people, they make me feel like an outsider so much.

I don’t know why I care a lot. I know I shouldn’t, but seeing the same people in the same space as me just triggers my emotions.

Spoiler: upd8

Just wanted to update on this because I feel a lot better. Admin/Owner told these people off for being gatekeep-y as hell because she wanted an inclusive environment for everyone. It’s kind of nice to see someone else share the same perspective as I do, because I was losing my mind whether my emotions were valid or I was overreacting. Admin even said “You guys are acting like middle schoolers,” which was funny because I said a very similar thing about those people when I was ranting to my best friend yesterday. Maybe these people are actual children, idk, but I’m glad they were told off regardless. Personally, my friends and I grew out of ‘cliques’ and share the same feelings of wanting to be as inclusive as possible to anyone who wanted to chime in. Like sure, we have a friend group and all, but all of us love talking to other people.

Anyway, hoping these either take their gatekeep-y selves to private servers or just stop making their clique their personality.

 

[Croconaw]

The washer is still not fixed. I don’t know why it’s taking so long and I don’t know why there have been towels sitting inside of it for three whole days? It’s broken. Why are people still trying to use it? There is a note on it stating that it is broken. At least it also states that it’s been worked on.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

I'm too exhausted to get up and do anything without just wanting to go back to bed, but I have too much energy to take a nap. I could eat smth to help me stay awake but i just ate not long ago and I would feel guilty even if i just had a snack. idk what to do lol


also my stuff is coming in the mail tomorrow and I'm so impatient >__>

 

[NovariusHaze]

My entire body from moving stuff all morning.

 

[Croconaw]

I’m just tired, but I have some things to do before sleeping.

 

[Stella-Io]

Every time this becomes a problem. My parents say to choose somethin to eat, I make a choice, and it's the wrong choice because 'it's too far' 'it's too busy' 'why would you choose that' like then tell me if something is off limits! Don't get mad when you offer the choice of takeout then get mad when I choose takeout! You said I could! I will always choose takeout over whatever we have lying around!

This has happened the past 3 times they've asked my sis or I to choose a place to eat dinner. I'd rather just not have the choice at all if my choice is always going to be wrong and it's always going to cause a problem. Then one time I brought it up that why give us the choice of they are just going to say no and ofcourse they got mad.

It doesn't help that my dad got mad for no reason and curses at me when one it's not my fault sis isn't cooperating and two he makes assumptions that I expect him to drop what he's doing so he can go pickup the food. I never ****in said ANYTHIN like that, I didn't even say what the place was yet!

I go out there to tell him what choice I made and he starts going off about what pot to use to cook the pasta in like. He's already making assumptions before I can even speak, then makes more assumptions thinking I expect him to drop everything. When have I ever done that? He instantly assumes I'm doing somethin rude.

 

[skarmoury]

Spoiler: how many times do i have to tell you old woman

Edited the rant out bc I thought things would be better but apparently not.

Summar context: Mom's bad at explaining what she really wants. Last week she asked if I wanted to come with them on a trip, I said I couldn't because I had other plans with my bf (5 year anniv), she said that's okay. Now she's changed her mind and is gaslighting me in so many ways possible for me and my bf to move our plans that were just reserved this morning, and she's telling me I don't love them as a family, oh woe is them, etc. etc. Bf said he'll try to move our reservation instead. Told mom this but she's angry at this point; she said she won't book me a flight anymore and doesn't want me to come. Okay, guess both of the plans I had for those specific days are gone. Time to rot in my room.

 

[BakaRina]

I got callus on the side of my feet and it's annoying to feel them bother me once in a while.

Managed to screw myself by deleting a save state on a game I was playing and now I've got to play the game again to where I was again. At least I can restart and try to get good stats on my characters once more. Yay me..

 

[Neb]

I signed up for an activist program last week because I felt pressured not to say no and I regret it. Activist work is amazing, but I have too much on my plate to do it right now. They also send too many update phone calls throughout the day. Today I ended up sleeping through an orientation and I’m worried they’ll make another call about me missing it. I don’t know how to tell them I’ll come in the next time they do one.

 

[skarmoury]

sorry so many things happened today and an online stranger had to be the cherry on top. at least i was done crying like an hour ago (over something else, not the stranger)

Spoiler: i like introspections

A bit of an introspection, but whenever I meet mean-spirited strangers, I get mad for a little and then think to myself, ”This is the kind of person I don’t want to be as I grow older.” It really helps me find peace in myself and veers my emotions away from these mean people and towards my own self-growth. I owe nothing to these strangers the same way they owe nothing to me, so I’m not going to let what they did or said ruin my day.

Obviously, this only applies to cases where I know I did nothing wrong. I just wanted to word what I was feeling, because I was a little upset over what a total stranger said to me and my friend online. If something harmless peeves me, I’m not about to ruin that person’s day by telling them to just shut up. It’s literally harmless, so what right do I have to tell them to stop?

 

[Beanz]

i hate summer reading why do schools do this? what am i going to do, forget how to read over our break? i hate the book im reading, it’s so boring and i don’t understand it. i hate books in general.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

mad @ myself bc I forgot the deadline for finishing art for the secret santa thing was LITERALLY 2 days ago and I'm just now realizing this, I'm such a dummy
hopefully I can start and finish an art piece today, some days I have that kind of mental focus but bc I worked today it isn't really one of those days. I'll still do as much as I can.

 

[Croconaw]

mad @ myself bc I forgot the deadline for finishing art for the secret santa thing was LITERALLY 2 days ago and I'm just now realizing this, I'm such a dummy
hopefully I can start and finish an art piece today, some days I have that kind of mental focus but bc I worked today it isn't really one of those days. I'll still do as much as I can.

Yeah, I had a lot going on during the secret santa thing and I thought I was going to have to opt out, but I managed to set time aside. I would have felt bad, lol.

 

[Chris]

My mate died last night. Fire. He was in a wheelchair. He had no chance.

Third death of someone dear to me in six weeks.