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What's Bothering You?

Been out of work for a while now. My savings have dried up and I did get a job back at the radio station earlier this week. Unfortunately, it is part-time. Still looking for a full-time gig.

I don't know how or why but I fall into a slump at this time of year. I can't seem to climb out, you know. I have to wait it out until maybe Spring. Winter blues or something.
 
I hate being sick when I'm on winter break ugh. What sucks is that whenever I'm sick, I experience symptoms like coughing to the worst extent in my family. Well anyways, my spring allergies are usually much worse than this and I'm taking some meds, so hopefully I'll recover soon.
 
I hate how clingy I am with people I date and how bad my fear of abandonment is. It's draining having to reassure myself constantly that I'm not being ditched and that they still care for me. My relationship with my girlfriend is stable and mostly happy, but I'm having to teach myself to respect boundaries with how much I text. Even so, I think I'm slowly getting better at comforting myself when she's too busy or tired to talk. It's just a long and difficult process.
 
What's bothering me is how my family treats my new dog like he's radioactive. He's a 9 week old Chihuahua puppy that I just got last week. And not only do they avoid him and pretend he doesn't exist, my dad legit had me throw away a perfectly good cup because it was 'pressed up against my body the same way I hold my dog' and he didn't want that same cup to be in the sink. But he doesn't mind that same sink being filled with dishes that had raw meat, raw eggs and raw fish on them. He just sanitizes the sink afterwards. But nope, me washing a dish and sanitizing afterwards is NOT okay. But washing dishes with raw meats on them and then sanitizing afterwards IS okay. The hypocrisy is hilarious. My family aren't dog people so anything relating to him they aren't going to register. But I did warn them that if they keep avoiding him, he is going to avoid you and probably snap at you, when he gets older and you can't blame me or him for that.

Note: I always sanitize the bathroom/kitchen sink if I use them to wash my dog's bowls or do anything relating to my dog. I don't want dog hair in my food either.
 
this has been a terrible month for my family. my dog died less than a month ago and my grandma passed away this morning.

my mother found her this morning laying in bed and she never woke up. we think she died in her sleep because she looked very peaceful.

i love her so much and i miss her already. she raised me, and was a second mother to me. she taught me everything and i know how much she loved me. she was 84 years old and i know she’s with jake now.

yo te amo mucho y requerde de ti siempre!!
I'm sorry.
What's bothering me is how my family treats my new dog like he's radioactive. He's a 9 week old Chihuahua puppy that I just got last week. And not only do they avoid him and pretend he doesn't exist, my dad legit had me throw away a perfectly good cup because it was 'pressed up against my body the same way I hold my dog' and he didn't want that same cup to be in the sink. But he doesn't mind that same sink being filled with dishes that had raw meat, raw eggs and raw fish on them. He just sanitizes the sink afterwards. But nope, me washing a dish and sanitizing afterwards is NOT okay. But washing dishes with raw meats on them and then sanitizing afterwards IS okay. The hypocrisy is hilarious. My family aren't dog people so anything relating to him they aren't going to register. But I did warn them that if they keep avoiding him, he is going to avoid you and probably snap at you, when he gets older and you can't blame me or him for that.

Note: I always sanitize the bathroom/kitchen sink if I use them to wash my dog's bowls or do anything relating to my dog. I don't want dog hair in my food either.
People who don't like animals are a gigantic red flag.
 
I'm too scared to sleep. I can't say why. I fell asleep three hours ago and just woke up now. I'm not suffering from nightmares. I just want to be up because i'm scared something specific that I can't say will happen. I'm sorry to be vague. :(
 
i still can’t believe my grandma passed away a week ago. it’s been very difficult because she was like my mother and was like the glue to my family. we had our disagreements but she was the most important person in my life and i can’t believe that she just suddenly passed away.

i know that everyone dies and she was in her mid 80’s but i wasn’t expecting it to happen this way. she did have various chronic conditions and was treating them but i don’t think she knew she was going to die. she just went to sleep and never woke up again.

every time i pass by her bedroom door i see the christmas wreath that she hung. it’s painful to see she was preparing for a holiday that she wouldn’t be alive to celebrate.

i just miss her so much. i’m a non-practicing catholic and in reality, i really have no idea what happens after death but i hope there’s an afterlife so i can see her and my dog again one day.
 
I'm a little stuffed up but that's an easy fix. Just wish my parents could be over the flu by now but I know that doesn't work that way
 
My mom just made me sir on the floor due to the hole in the wall from the recliner.... like I actually want that to happen... I tried to explain but she just doesn't wanna heat it. On top of that I opened a gift not even knowing it was one
 
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