What's Bothering You?

extremely minor but. I understand that people misspell things while typing but there are some things that you cannot absolutely misspell 😭 I was reading about hemophilia B and beside it was "factor XI deficiency" and I'm like.... no it's factor IX... you absolutely cannot make that mistake in a reviewer of all things because factor XI is completely different from factor IX and a lot of people may take that info at face value 😭
 
Posted a lot about my one mutual who had a baby just recently, and I think now I sorta just hate their husband. While mutual seems to have come around and is happy to have a baby, they admitted to me that they never wanted a kid, it was specifically their husband that pushed for it, and it wasn't until the end of the pregnancy that they stopped feeling like this was a big mistake. The pregnancy was so rough on them throughout, though, and the birth nearly killed them. Even the husband apparently was afraid mutual was going to die because her blood pressure was so bad that the doctors needed to do an emergency c-section. Mutual said that she wouldn't have done this had it not been for him, when I replied that I could never make that kind of compromise and would run for the hills in their position.

Throughout the whole thing I had this hunch that mutual wasn't happy about the pregnancy and it seems like I wasn't just me reading into it with my own bias, they really weren't happy to be going through it. I also, purely through pessimism and watching their daily health struggles and worries, was myself worried if they'd make it through the whole thing in one piece, and it's scary that I was almost correct there, too.

Please, please let them actually enjoy parenthood in the long run and not just in the honeymoon phase where they're also simply celebrating not having to be pregnant anymore...
 
Last weekend wasn't the best. From my encounter, onward. I'm not scared, but I'm still trying to be brave because I'm hesitant about working at night again. Or at least away from people. I actually thought about contacting my manager, but decided against it because I need the hours.

Im pretty positive that won't happen again, if it does I'll be more prepared. But I'm nervous. I've worked there for years.

But to top off that experience, it's been hard to hear out of my left ear. It's getting better but its annoying because sometimes people think I'm yelling at them.

I missed out on Among Us again due to my mood. I hope I get to play with everyone again, and that this underlying fear will go away. My friends say im one of the most resilient people they know. So I hope this feeling goes away, I want to be strong.. :(
 
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A lot is on my mind and stressing me. Right now, I’m a bit worried I might get in trouble for updating some thing. I don’t know if what I’m thinking is valid or not; I thought it was but now Idk; I do overthink a lot, but I want to think not everything is me overthinking. At the same time, I felt I like I needed to talk to someone. I’m worried too that I am just embarrassing myself.
 
Splitting headache and I can't position the blinds in my office quite right to block out the sun. Still in pain and probably shouldn't have even come in but bills, mortgage, groceries. At least I can stand without strangers trying to offer assistance today. Ugh. I need a weekend. But I also need to do housework at the weekend.

Preferably, I'd like to be able to put the world on pause for a week (or month) while I catch up on feeling human and can spare spoons for anything that isn't toxic workplace nonsense. 🙏

Edit: big boss just showed up to see if I'm okay and to ask about how things in the department are looking. He's thankfully happy with my performance but he wants me to pass some of what I told him onto my line manager for him to address with my colleagues. Fun never stops. 🙃
 
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Family health emergency, left early to go to the hospital,
I also have to catch up on the work I didn’t do tonight.
Also something happened that resulted in property damage to my mums house today, so also worrying about that.
I just hope people can be okay
 
grinds my gears that some disabled people are still so ableist themselves. why have a superiority complex about what capitalist nonsense you’re able to keep up with at the expense of your own health?

personally, i’ve perpetually tormented myself with why i can’t just will myself to be the version of myself that sacrifices my wellbeing to like, idk, start a doctoral program before i turn 30 or something. but i seriously don’t have the ability to do that at the moment without putting myself in danger.

to feel that constantly and then to be talked down to or dismissed by other disabled people who currently keep up with some type of “career” or illusion of functionality is so infuriating. like, don’t you know you can end up where i am with one wrong move?
 
I'm not gonna lie, I always feel pressured to "choose a side" when it comes to politics because I don't wanna get attacked or "cancelled" by the left or the right. If I'm neutral or apolitical, then some people would see me as a bad person just because I didn't pick a ****ing side. It's one thing to disagree with someone's political views, but it's another thing to attack or wish death on anybody who you politically disagree with. And yes, that includes Trump supporters. **** like this is why I don't really like picking sides when it comes to politics. I'm just so ****ing grateful that my parents don't judge me for my political views.
 
This really shouldn't be something that keeps coming up for me, but here we are. Friday night and seemingly all of Saturday show I am at risk of possible tornadoes. That's horrifying? I am also hearing at least 30 states are going to be hit with severe thunderstorms.
But at the same time, I am reading something about funding cuts to the NOAA. Excuse me? You really just want to put everyone in danger like that? Hello?! This just has to happen when climate change is getting much worse...
 
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