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What's bothering you?

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I'm glad I decided not to get Manga Studio lol
although Art Rage does lag every now n then
 
friends are hanging out tomorrow and i can't because i am getting up early to buy some shoes and then i have to study all weekend :(
 
My kidney stones are back it seems. I went to the doctor for a follow up and I have been in pain lately and had some nausea and se took a urine sample and found blood in it, gave me an antibiotic, sent me for some bloodwork, when the results come I will go in for a CT Scan, find out what the causes are. It could be calcium deposit build up from one of my meds - a very rare side effect we are trying to root out. The medication is to counteract the weight gain that my other medications cause. I told my father this over the phone and he asked me how much I weigh. "189lbs" I said, embarrassed (lying too, I am actually 191lbs)..... keep in mind I have a lot of muscle built on me too from all the swimming and boxing I do.
aSUBJ03.jpg
"That's too much, you know that's too much, right?" he said. OF COURSE I DO. YOU DON'T THINK I FEEL ASHAMED?!?! *cries in a corner* But I want his approval and he makes me feel like ****, he makes me have body image issues, even though my boyfriend tells me every day he is an ***hole and that I am beautiful inside and out and that he is not into fat chicks, but he is into me, and he wouldn't be if I was morbidly "fat". My Dad proceeded on a rant about how I have to lose weight, how its bad for my health, how this, how that..... like he can't love a fat daughter..... meanwhile I eat well and exercise..... AND I got my cholesterol and blood sugar checked and both are fine..... I don't know..... Is he the problem or am I?
 
My kidney stones are back it seems. I went to the doctor for a follow up and I have been in pain lately and had some nausea and se took a urine sample and found blood in it, gave me an antibiotic, sent me for some bloodwork, when the results come I will go in for a CT Scan, find out what the causes are. It could be calcium deposit build up from one of my meds - a very rare side effect we are trying to root out. The medication is to counteract the weight gain that my other medications cause. I told my father this over the phone and he asked me how much I weigh. "189lbs" I said, embarrassed (lying too, I am actually 191lbs)..... keep in mind I have a lot of muscle built on me too from all the swimming and boxing I do.
aSUBJ03.jpg
"That's too much, you know that's too much, right?" he said. OF COURSE I DO. YOU DON'T THINK I FEEL ASHAMED?!?! *cries in a corner* But I want his approval and he makes me feel like ****, he makes me have body image issues, even though my boyfriend tells me every day he is an ***hole and that I am beautiful inside and out and that he is not into fat chicks, but he is into me, and he wouldn't be if I was morbidly "fat". My Dad proceeded on a rant about how I have to lose weight, how its bad for my health, how this, how that..... like he can't love a fat daughter..... meanwhile I eat well and exercise..... AND I got my cholesterol and blood sugar checked and both are fine..... I don't know..... Is he the problem or am I?
I hope your pain goes away and you feel better soon :( Also wow you're really cute!!

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I haven't eaten anything at all today and I'm super tired lately but can't seem to sleep when I try going to bed. Things are also getting bad between my parents and I, so I'm stressed out and worn out and it showed when I was with my friends today; I feel bad that they were hanging around me while I was like that.
 
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I hope your pain goes away and you feel better soon :( Also wow you're really cute!!

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I haven't eaten anything at all today and I'm super tired lately but can't seem to sleep when I try going to bed. Things are also getting bad between my parents and I, so I'm stressed out and worn out and it showed when I was with my friends today; I feel bad that they were hanging around me while I was like that.

Thank you, Saylor..... *hugs*
My Dad is also used to seeing me thinner..... refer to these pictures....
http://www.belltreeforums.com/showt...ou-Look-Like&p=4391257&viewfull=1#post4391257
To think of it, I haven't eaten anything either..... and I haven't been able to keep down any liquids.... ugh.... kidney stones are the WORST.
I am sorry things are bad between your folks. It happens. When you are in that sort of environment you're bound to show it around people. I am sure your friends would understand..... :)

- - - Post Merge - - -

Lonely night, what up...

I hear ya. I am lonely too. We can be lonely together. *high five*
 
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Today. We were supposed to go to some friends for dinner tonight but they got even more sick so I have to wait two weeks ._.

Bored... :/
 
Came down with food poisoning. I nearly vomited all over my bed as I was trying to sleep. Apart from the nausea and dry heaving, my head feels light, my muscles hurt and I just generally feel like ****.
I wish I had a stronger immune system, as I get ill way too often.

In conversation with my therapist I was told that my recently discovered schizophrenia may be the bigger culprit in my life's problems, rather than the ASD. I'm going to be forwarded to a new place where they'll be working with me to teach me about my condition, how I can live with it, and, obviously, give me medication for it. The place I was at focuses entirely on autism and related disorders, so they can't help me with this.
I've been going there for almost a year now, so the switch to another place doesn't excite me at all. Just when I'd gotten used to this place, I have to move again.
 
I'm constantly telling myself i'm not worth it

i'm getting angry so easily and i go through periods where i hate evryone of my friends and telling myself that i don't deserve any of this and I can't take my mind off it if I make a mistake I beat myself up over it and I'm getting jealous of every little thing and I end up trying to hide it and ugh
#bpdfeels
 
every day, every damn day i wake up with a headache, what is life when even sleeping is ruined for you
 
My kidney stones are back it seems. I went to the doctor for a follow up and I have been in pain lately and had some nausea and se took a urine sample and found blood in it, gave me an antibiotic, sent me for some bloodwork, when the results come I will go in for a CT Scan, find out what the causes are. It could be calcium deposit build up from one of my meds - a very rare side effect we are trying to root out. The medication is to counteract the weight gain that my other medications cause. I told my father this over the phone and he asked me how much I weigh. "189lbs" I said, embarrassed (lying too, I am actually 191lbs)..... keep in mind I have a lot of muscle built on me too from all the swimming and boxing I do.
aSUBJ03.jpg
"That's too much, you know that's too much, right?" he said. OF COURSE I DO. YOU DON'T THINK I FEEL ASHAMED?!?! *cries in a corner* But I want his approval and he makes me feel like ****, he makes me have body image issues, even though my boyfriend tells me every day he is an ***hole and that I am beautiful inside and out and that he is not into fat chicks, but he is into me, and he wouldn't be if I was morbidly "fat". My Dad proceeded on a rant about how I have to lose weight, how its bad for my health, how this, how that..... like he can't love a fat daughter..... meanwhile I eat well and exercise..... AND I got my cholesterol and blood sugar checked and both are fine..... I don't know..... Is he the problem or am I?

i say stop talking the him. seriously, just cut off all ties with this *sshole. you have no obligation to keep subjecting yourself to this toxic person, especially if he's giving you problems about your weight instead of acting like a freaking person and just caring about your well being.
 
i say stop talking the him. seriously, just cut off all ties with this *sshole. you have no obligation to keep subjecting yourself to this toxic person, especially if he's giving you problems about your weight instead of acting like a freaking person and just caring about your well being.

Thank you. He also is very homophobic.
I used to have long hair:
xnitIDa.jpg
So when I chopped it off and donated my hair to make wigs, and made it into a pixie cut he immediately thought "LESBIAN" which a) WHAT THE HELL WOULD BE WRONG WITH THAT?!?! and b) I HAVE BEEN IN A LONG-TERM HETEROSEXUAL RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN FOR 6 YEARS!!!! I am not a lesbian! And if I was, who cares?!?! And if I want to cut my hair into a cute pixie cut, shouldn't I be able to without my father making judgements and assuming sexual orientation is a CHOICE!
 
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