What's bothering you?

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my neighborhood seems a bit busier today...

o.o

idk theres lots more cars driving by and i see some people walking around, usually there's like no people walking around in my neighborhood
 
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Watched a bunch of scary movies with my friends. Now I'm too scared to go to bed.
 
Sometimes I still wonder if I'm gay or what the hell I'm supposed to be in the first place.

My friend just came out to me and like

I forgot what it felt like to hide everything. I still remember the first time I told someone I was- what I am- and it was someone I didn't even know very well so I wouldn't have to deal with the backlash from friends and I

I hate that they had to feel that way and idek I'm just like kinda floored.
 
Ugh, I feel so awkward when trick-or-treaters come by. Just now, a group of kids came, and I gave them candy, and said nothing else. I didn't even smile. They all said thank you and I just closed the door after they left. Jeez......
 
I trick or treated with my other 10 - 12 year old middle school group and complimented everyone.Nothing good but old people candies this year.
 
I had a dream about someone and I'm seriously convinced it was real. I believe if I can just see him in person, I'll start taking life seriously. I've been contemplating it for a couple of months for now and it's all going downhill again-I don't think my boyfriend likes me (who can blame him, I'm a "****ty" person as someone said), I have crushes on two older men, one of them is taken by my best friend, my parents bash me for not following their religion, my "friends" aren't friends at all.
I feel like all the love I've taken for granted has been taken away too soon, and now all that's left is an empty, tired, useless shell of my former self. I try and try to make myself into the person I want to be, but I always slip up and end up falling back into the old me-a person I never ever wanted to see again.
 
i've got a jam-packed schedule for the rest of this semester. i'm turning 21 this month but i don't even want to celebrate.
 
Bleh you know? why do you have to do that? i cannot stand it lol

you realize that everything is never going to be the way it used to be again? at least i realized it a while ago and youre trying to joke with me and like praise me for everything i do or even pretend you are impressed with everything i do. you never appreciated anything or saw me as anything when we were together, but why after you dump me? we had everything when we were together but you decided to hate it all and call me a nag

and it sucks because i have some other guy friend who would willingly give me the world and then you try to compete with him

as much as i miss you i just have to accept that i just wasnt for you
 
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