So many things are bothering me right now...
My mother only has been focusing on me for a good chunk of her life, she loves me dearly and only has me (my father died 14years ago and she's never been with anyone else since, I'm her only daughter) and I'm feeling guilty all the time because I'm studying abroad. She was a housewife with no degree and managed to find a decent job to support both of us.
I'm in a serious relationship with a foreigner, my mother and he cannot even communicate with each other. I feel like she doesn't like him very much as well. I love him to death but we have so many problems in our couple, sometimes misery outweights happiness.
If we're still together for the coming years, I'm going to have to make a choice between staying with my mum or him. That kills me.
I'm uncertain about my future, I don't know where my education will lead to me and I don't want to end up with a miserable wage in a ****ty flat/house.
I also lost most of my irl friends, or maybe all of them. I valued them more than they valued me and I guess I realised that once I moved out. Although I got along with some people, I wasn't able to make new friends in my new country. Probably because I was too obsessed with my old friends, I was constantly feeling abandonned and sad. I had a best friend who I thought would be my friend forever because I've never found in my life someone I admired as much and had as any things to share with but apparently that stupid fight (and only fight) that we had was enough to break our friendship. It seems like she got over me quickly. This has haunted me the entire year.
To make things worse, my mum put pictures of all my ex friends everywhere, she even put pictures in the bathroom of me and my ex best friend for me to see everyday. That's what I came back to. She knows I feel betrayed by them and it's been ages we haven't talked (I don't think she had bad intentions when doing this). I don't dare to take them out because I don't want to show how vulnerable I am in reality
Feels good to get it out of my chest!
Edit: Oh, and also, I've been trying to make some more friends online lately and one of the people I enjoyed talking to may be dead. Last post they made was a couple of days ago stating that they've taken loads and loads of pills to commit suicide. I'm super worried.