What do you do when shopping for ungrateful/picky people?

[CylieDanny]

I love my sister, I really do. But she is so picky. I tried to shop for her for her birthday but she's got expensive taste, and has high expectations.

She told me she liked anime figures, so I found this one demon Slayer figure which was one of the nice ones for her birthday. But she was kinda just like *Oh cute* then moved on. I won't lie it bothered me.

Another time I made a heartfelt Pokémon gift for her/everyone, using Pokémon from quotes that I thought would represent them, all individual hand drawn cut outs. I knew the Pokémon weren't her favorites but it's the gift that counted so I thought she'd like it. I made six of these things. All holding the little quotes. She was just like *Oh no I don't like this Pokémon but cute* not gonna lie I cried.

Then I made a inspirational poster for her, and I put alot of effort into it. Pretty much the same meh reaction. So I was just thinking up gifts for people. Then thinking up stuff I could do for her, and thinking *Should I even bother* I'm thinking just some online shopping gift card and call it a day.

Everything I make or buy for her she just doesn't seem to like. I spend a ton of time on all of this stuff. I do the same for my parents, and friends. December is so busy.

What do you do for picky/ungrateful people your shopping for?

 

[Ghost Of Mascevanje]

Probably not the answer that you want to hear, but.....

I just don't get them anything period.

 

[Crash]

honestly this is gonna sound really mean, but if someone was blatantly ungrateful to my face about a gift i gave them, i'd never give them anything ever again. i know that's a really hard thing to do with someone as close as a sibling, but the fact that she literally made you cry with her reaction to such a heartfelt gift is so sad to hear.

my parents are similarly picky and i've stopped giving them anything but a gift card. i think you'd be fully justified in doing the same for your sister!

 

[Aniko]

We decided not to give gifts anymore, not only it gives stress to the giver but to the receiver too. Even if it's the intention that counts, how many gifts just lay there unused? Once I got some handmade doll to hang on a wall, kind of thing you see in great grandma houses, the person didn't make it herself either, I don't know what to do with it and can't get rid of it because it's a gift, same for a collection of hand creams, when I never use hand cream. Our house is full of those unneeded gifts taken space.

Same when I'm the giver, once I gifted a necklace with a firefly that I found really pretty but the receiver said "Eww a bug!" I didn't get offended, I just failed finding what she liked, no big a deal, so I offered to take it back and get something else but she said "don't bother"...So ok, I won't bother then, that necklace is your problem now. I don't know if she really meant it or not because I'm really not good with ppl, I'm the kind to refuse an invention to take a cup of coffee because I can't stand caffeine without understanding it's not what they really meant. Anyway...

Now it's no gift unless the person specified what she really wants, no surprise, no disappointment. My mom wanted a wallet, we brought her to the store and she chose it herself, she's really happy with it. Sibling said he wanted some video game, it's exactly what he gets.
As for me, I never ask anything, my room is too full, but they are welcomed to buy me snacks.

Some of my relatives changed the rules of Christmas and buy a gift for themselves instead. I think it's a fun idea, because they wrap it and then act all surprised unwrapping it but the real surprise is for the others. That way, everybody is happy.

So to the question: "What do you do for picky/ungrateful people your shopping for?"

1. Ask them what they want (but give them a range of prices)
2. Let them choose their own gift.
3. Be a spy or ask someone closed to them, like a significant other or best friend (not their mom)
4. Your presence is already a gift, no need for anything else.

 

[Snap Crackle Pop]

I tend to just give gift cards to places people normally shop. I've rarely had anyone who was picky or ungrateful for their gifts, I'm just lucky to have people who aren't spoiled I guess. It's easier to give gift cards though just because the receiver can save the giftcard for later use or get something they know they want.

 

[Corrie]

I wouldn't bother. That's so freaking mean and I am so sorry. You deserve much better. I wish I had someone in my life like you, putting so much thought into gifts. I'd lie about money being tight and skip her gift.

 

[daringred_]

i tend to be a little "picky" about gifts as an adult just because there aren't m/any things i need, nor do i have a lot of interests, and the ones i do have aren't exactly easy to shop for. so, i usually just receive money or show people specific things i want so they can get those if desired. the lack of surprise doesn't bother me, better for both of us that i get something i will use rather than something i won't. (not that i would be ungrateful to someone's face upon receiving something that i'm not overjoyed about, being picky and/or hard to shop for doesn't mean i'm ungrateful.) similarly, i'll usually ask people if there's something specific they want and just give them money or gift cards if they don't have anything in mind.

 

[BetsySundrop]

I feel so bad for you reading this.
I think it's amazing you put in so much time and effort into your gifts.

For my immediate family (as in household/ children), I ask for a list of things they want under x$. The amount changes because i don't always have money lol. I pick something on the list to get them, one cheap funny surprise, and then money or gift cards with whatever$ i have left. Sometimes I can do a few things from the list.

For extended family, some of them are really picky, and some aren't really happy no matter what you give them, but others are opposite - happy with anything. So a few years back i decided I'd make it fun for me. They get together Christmas day (we live too far away), and with the gifts we send, they do the game where you can open a gift or steal one someone else has opened. I have sent some outrageous stuff! We all have fun with it, though.

 

[-Blue-]

If you want to do something for them. Money or giftcards. Saves you the trouble of trying to find them something special or making something for them. Picky and ungrateful is just a polite word.

Let's put it this way. Has your sister went out of her way to do something nice for you for your special day(s). If not, and this is really up to you, but apply that energy and kindness to someone else or yourself. Not everyone deserves your kindness. Some people just don't.

You should always be polite when getting gifts where real thought was put into it. I don't care if you don't like it, it's the least you can do. Don't oversell it if you don't like it. But you can still say thank you without saying something crappy. Someone went out of their way to do something nice. Most of the times the people to make offhanded rude comments like this are so caught up in themselves that they never do anything for anyone else and really don't really deserve the kindness they do get.

 

[Snowesque]

Peoples' sense of value is different than others. Some people equate the monetary value with actual value of the gift. If you're that type of person, tell people up front and stop stringing them along. That being said, she should've still appreciated the time you put into it. My taste is very specific as I'll usually just buy what I need right away, so I'll usually tell people just money or gift cards. Don't want them to waste their time buying something expensive that I've already/don't need more of.

 

[Yoshi155]

Aw, that’s so sad. I’m so sorry that this is happening to you. To be honest, I think that if she doesn’t appreciate you giving her a gift, not even enough to pretend she likes it, then you should just not get her anything. If you don’t want to do that, you could just ask her what she wants you to get for her. Or you could just get her something cheap like a gift card.

 

[ShadowLelouch97]

Reading that made me really angry for you. Even if something wasn't a Pokemon she didn't like, she didn't have to word it that way. I know you put a lot of love and care into the creation of it! It should be the thought that counts.

My siblings and I have varying tastes of hobbies and interests, so if I'm really stumped I just get them a visa gift card, that way they can get what they want and there's no awkwardness involved.

 

[Croconaw]

When all else fails, I give gift cards. That way, they can get the things they want. It’s a perfect solution.

 

[Snek]

I probably wouldn't get them anything if they are ungrateful. A gift is a gift. If they are too picky about it then I either don't get them anything or they'll just have to accept the gift. No takesie backsies.

 

[SkyKnight03]

My aunt does this.

She'll call a gift from her own kid 'low effort' and accuse him of not caring about her. The other day she was saying that she appreciates anything she gets, but it must 'require effort'.

She's the only one in my family like this. Not buying for her would lead to be chastised and it's stressful to find something she does want.

 

[Chris]

When dealing with picky people I try to lean towards gifts that are either practical or that can be used up over time, e.g. a candle can be burned.

 

[Dim]

A lot of times it's not picky or ungrateful but just me not good at picking gifts. Something simple like gift cards or even pokemon cards can't go wrong though.

 

[S.J.]

No one in my family is picky, but there are a couple of people that are hard to buy for in that they don't want anything! There's definitely nothing wrong that! But, it does make it a bit harder to give gifts.

My mum is fairly practical and rarely wants anything (so I'm super excited when I do get to buy for her). I tried going down the practical route and buying her a chopping board, to replace her existing one. Months later, I saw the chopping board still wrapped, sitting on a shelf. It cost me $100 (for a chopping board), so I felt like I just had $100 sitting there.

For her, I default to asking. If she doesn't want anything, it's gift cards or money. It's not the most appealing gift, but it's practical, and I know she'll use it, and really I think it's what she'd prefer, so I feel it's still thoughtful all the same.

 

[Aerith]

You can't know this right off the bat, but once you have an idea, you should try to match their gift-giving energy. That way, neither you nor the other party is upset. Erring on the side of caution, I will usually stick to practical gifts or gift cards if I don't know them well. I only give heartfelt gifts once I know things that they like (colors, animals, hobbies, etc). People that are into fandoms can be tricky to shop for. They could already have all the merch that they want, or you don't know which characters they like; that's why I tend to avoid it altogether, unless it's something easy and always useful, like a T-shirt.

I can't imagine voicing disgust or acting disinterested or ungrateful; I'm very sorry that has happened to you. I can dislike a gift someone has given me, but still show appreciation that they thought of me - and that's what I'll tell them. I would never say something isn't to my tastes unless it was offensive to me. And if it's a repeat problem, where you feel like someone isn't really putting thought into gifts and just giving something random, just throw the same energy back and don't overthink it.

 

[thatawkwardkid]

If they're not going to be grateful for the money and effort I put for their sake then I won't get them anything. But if I absolutely have to, then I'll just get them a Visa gift card.