The out of context quotes thread

[Yoshi155]

Am I doomed to spend the rest of my life sweating like a pig?

Not to mention looking like a pig, eating like a pig…

Don’t forget the smell.

Will you get off my front lawn?

Why don’t you make me?

Why- oh, I give up.

 

[Yoshi155]

I take it from that little impressed noise that you are interested in purchasing that matter transporter, sir.

Hmm… 2 bucks… and it only transports matter. Um… well… I’ll give you 35 cents.

 

[Yoshi155]

Mom, Dad, help! He’s trying to kill me!

Nobody likes a tattletale, honey.

They’re like this every rainy day.

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"As a doctor and captain of this hospital ship, I now pronounce you man and wife with six months to live."

 

[-Blue-]

'Have a nice day!'
'Shut your noise-tube taco human!'

 

[Yoshi155]

If they’re really witches, why don’t they use their powers to escape?

That sounds like witch talk to me, Lisa.

Never mind.

 

[Yoshi155]

Come on! Give us some candy! Don’t pretend you’re not home!

Dad, that’s our house.

 

[Yoshi155]

I can’t bear this any longer, I’m leaving.

Yeah, not before me you ain’t.

Now, now, there’s plenty of exits for everyone!

Oh, that’s it. You’re dead, pal!

Hey, how, that’s uncalled for!

Shut your hole, Skinner!

*everyone starts fighting*

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Relax, Dad. We just invited a few friends over."

"Hmm. There's something wrong with your story, but I can't put my finger on it..." *He gasps* "Of course! You don't have friends!"

 

[Suguri]

Mommy, did my pencil go to heaven?

 

[Suguri]

OK, here is my first joke: knock-knock.

Who's there?

"Creighton" is here. Ain't that funny?

No, it's not funny. It's not even a real knock-knock joke!

Oops, I thought it was funny.

 

[Yoshi155]

And this is for shooting down police helicopters.

Oh, I don’t need anything like that… yet.

 

[Suguri]

You should smell this costume's feets
I ain't washed it in six weeks

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Try not to choke, you fat tub of ****. We loves you!"

 

[Yoshi155]

Lousy big shot. Thinks he’s so big ‘cause he’s got a lot of guns. If he didn’t have any guns, I’d show him a thing or two. What happens if he walks into my store? Then we’ll see who’s worried about five day waiting periods.

Dad, it’s 3:00 am. Can’t you mutter in your room?

Marge kicked me out.

*groans* All right. Go ahead.

Pushy kids think they can tell me what to do in my house. I tell you, parents these days, they don’t know how to rear children.

 

[-Blue-]

Now! *throw muffin at normal boy's head*
“What!? WHO!!!!???
That-that was horrible...
Who did this? Who dare soil my normal boy head with this...PORKCOW
That's a stinkin' muffin!

 

[Suguri]

OK, I got a good joke. One time... This chicken... And then all across the road... Oops, I think I muffed that one up.

These jokes are terrible!

 

[Yoshi155]

I’m sorry, Homer. No weapons.

A gun is not a weapon, Marge! It’s a tool, like a butcher knife or a harpoon or an… alligator. You just need more education on the subject.

 

[junebuggy.99]

"who wants to eat at a place they think is crusty? bleh!"

"well sure it's a terrible name, but this is a terrible place, therefore the name should be left alone!"

 

[Yoshi155]

Can you help me get my ball down from the roof, Dad?

Sure thing, honey. *shoots it* …you want me to get the cat down?

No, thanks.