The out of context quotes thread

[Mr.Fox]

‘The shooting stars are beautiful tonight…’
*Moleman gets crushed by meteor*

 

[Yoshi155]

Smithers, for attempting to kill me, I’m giving you a 5% pay cut.

Awwwww.

 

[rocketspruggs]

"Why must every 11 minutes of my life be filled with misery?"

 

[Yoshi155]

So, naturally, I bought another 3DS.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Well hello there! Is your daddy home?”
“Now gosh darn it I am the daddy!”
*Police officer tickles Bob on the chin and he giggles like a baby*

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Oh good. You’re still here. So uh wow before you said you were into science.”
“Yeah man.”
“Yeah that must be a fun job.”
“I don’t have any [drugs].”
“I was not going to ask you for some [drugs].”
“Good. I don’t have to answer it.”
“I used to be an addict. I mean it was terrible you see this? I was building a birdhouse on drugs and I lost two fingers. I feverishly wanted to finish it and I wasn’t making sound decisions.”
“Remember my roommate the cup you met earlier? He’s filled with [drugs].”
“Cool. Thanks. *Goes inside the house and closes the door* Everyone, we have to split up! The cup has the drugs.”
“The cup?”
“The cup.”
“There’s [drugs] in the cup!”
“The cup is filled with magic!”
“I saw him go into the back! Go after it!”
*Outside the house*
“So what do I do now?”
“Are you grounded?”
“Yep.”
“Okay good. Touch the red wire to the green wire.”
“Well what about Shake?”
“What about him?”
“Heh. That’s what I said.”
*Touches wires and blows up the house*

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Who died and made you Captain?”
“The Captain.”

 

[QueenCobra]

“I’ll kill you, Leonard Nimoy!”
“The clown has no penis.”
“What kind of dreams are you guys having? Hey, it's 12:30.”

 

[Yoshi155]

Come on, we’re running late!

We’re not getting on, you fat, ugly *****!

What did you say?!!!

I said “we’re not getting on, you fat, ugly *****.”

Oh, all right then. *drives away*

I always wondered if that would work.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“You’re really bad at being dead, you know?”

 

[-Mars-]

(Man on television): "Every single bald guy I know is simultaneously intimidating and annoying"
*Suddenly spits out water in shock* "QUICK SOMEONE GET ME MY SHOES!!!!!"

 

[Yoshi155]

It’s getting kind of heavy.

I don’t care, here’s a Chevy, and The Wacky World of Mini-Golf starring Eugene Levy.

Oh my god, I absolutely cannot carry one more thing!

Don’t you worry, all that’s left is a single piece of string.

*back breaks instantly*

Whoa! See, this is exactly why I also packed a spinal surgeon.

I hate you, boat.

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Hey, goofball, look who's all neutered! You are! Yeah, you're neutered, goofball! Who's a neutered guy?"

 

[Mr.Fox]

'Wait! If you kill my dad you'll never know where the treasure is buried.'
'What treasure?'
'The treasure of...Imma Weiner.'
'Imma Weiner?'
*Homer and Bart laughing*

 

[Yoshi155]

Oh my God, they videotaped killing Kenny!

You ********!

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Hey, you! You need tickets to the show?"

"Why don't you [screw] off, ****face?"

"****face...? Do I look like a ****face?"

"No comment."

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Wow. That old biddy is crazy!”
“Bob, she’s still here.”

 

[Yoshi155]

He’s the luckiest kid in the world. If I could say “****balls” to the principal, I would be sooo happy.

 

[Yoshi155]

Fry, is it really you?

I don’t know. Is it really you?

What do you mean “you don’t know,” are you you or not?

Who wants to know?

 

[Yoshi155]

Forget about Fry! You could hire us back and he would never have to know!

Hey, guys.

Oh, uh, hey, Fry.

So, as Leela was saying, Fry can go shove- *Leela smacks him with a telephone*