The out of context quotes thread

[QueenCobra]

“Look, Viking, I’ll give you a dollar if you put your bra back on and sit down.”

 

[Seastar]

"Why are you always so chipper all the time? Maybe I should think about getting brainwashed..."

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“He’s one of those guys with a smaller version of himself.”

 

[Yoshi155]

Well, come on, guys, we gave it our best.

Wow. That was your best?

 

[Yoshi155]

Dad, I like being in a boy band, I think it’s interesting.

Well, there’s plenty of other interesting things you can do. Have you ever tried marijuana?

No.

Well, maybe it’s time.

Dad!

 

[Seastar]

"Do not attempt to share the Alterna Log without permission. Please handle the information with care. And please consider this a threat. Have a nice day!"

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“I could read his mind.”
“AHHHHH! NOT EVEN OUR THOUGHTS ARE SAFE!”

 

[Yoshi155]

Let me explain how communion works. The priest will give you this round cracker, and he will say “the body of Christ”, and then you eat it.

…Jesus was made of crackers?

No.

But crackers are his body.

Yes.

What?

In the book of Mark, Jesus distributed bread and said, “eat this, for it is my body”.

So we won’t go to hell as long as we eat crackers.

No, no, no, no.

Well, what are we eating then?

The body of Christ.

I get it. Jesus wanted us to eat him, but he didn’t want us to be cannibals, so he turned himself into crackers and then told people to eat him.

No!

No?

I can’t whistle if I eat too many crackers.

Look, all you have to know is that when the priest gives you the cracker, you eat it. Okay?

…Okay.

And then, you will drink a very small amount of wine, for that is the blood of Christ.

Oh, come on now, this is just getting silly.

 

[Yoshi155]

Friends, I have to tell you that last night, I received a phone call from beyond the grave!

*everyone gasps*

It was our departed friend, Kenny, calling from the depths of Hell! And he described what Hell is like in horrid detail! He said that in Hell, the smell is awful! He said that in Hell, everyone speaks Spanish!

*everyone gasps*

He said there is water in Hell, but if you drink it, you pee blood out your ass for seven hours!

*everyone simultaneously* No!

And perhaps worst of all, in Hell, there are dozens and dozens of little trinket stores. But they all have the same little trinkets in them!

*everyone screams*

 

[rocketspruggs]

"Aw, I hate cleaning up around here! What's the point? It's just gonna get dirty again."

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Look! Scottie ate all his food! He must be feeling better already!”
*Helga has gravy around her mouth*
“Yeah! Give him some more of the food that makes its own gravy!”
“Oh, Helga….”
“What? I had gravy for breakfast.”

 

[QueenCobra]

“My boytoy came without instructions and now it's committed several war crimes.”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“You need to relax, Stan.”
“No I don’t!”
“You’re literally holding a gun to God’s head.”

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"How can you be stupid? You're famous."

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“If you don’t get me a girl, I won’t play heaven with you anymore.”
“It’s at this point when I wonder if a movie itself could be put into prison?”

 

[Seastar]

"A weekend is best when it's fresh, so I say Friday. And no, I will not call it Frye-day."

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“God, I promise this will be the last one….”
“THERE SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN A FIRST ONE!!!!!!!!”

 

[Yoshi155]

Saddam, I get the feeling that you don’t like me very much.

Gee, whatever gave you that idea? When I stabbed you in the head?

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"What the hells, Nathan, you brings your girlfriend backstage?"

"She know... How... Where it is. You know, so..."

"She's probably keeping watch, like a hawk."

"Yeah, it's another judgmental, bird-face band wrecker."

"What?"

"What? Nothing, God, you're paranoid— Oh, there's my drink over there, gotta go!"

 

[Seastar]

"Head to the Splatfest terminal and pick the side you're programmed to choose!"