The out of context quotes thread

[ShinyDungeoneer]

"I'd prefer you to scream my name when we're together." -Schezo, Puyo Puyo Tetris.

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Aw, who the **** peed on me?!"

"I think you're the culprit in this particular mystery."

"How can I pee on myself when I'm right here?"

 

[k e r f u f f l e]

"This always happens. I think I'm gonna score, and then I never score.
It's not fair. We've traveled, um, a hundred miles 'cause we thought we were gonna score.
But now it's not gonna happen!"

 

[Yoshi155]

The keys to the ship! They must have fallen into the machine. Leela’s gonna kill me!

Nah, she’ll probably make me do it.

 

[-Blue-]

"Shut up. You're distracting me."

"Come on, it's just like making love. Y'know; Left, down, rotate 62 degrees, engage rotor..."

"I know how to make love!"

'I am bender. Please insert girder.'

 

[QueenCobra]

“Just doing some nude sunbathing in this gender neutral Target restroom.”

 

[Yoshi155]

My god, this is an outrage! I was going to eat that mummy!

 

[QueenCobra]

“I actually love art. I really love a lot of…abstract pieces. But above all, I love clothes, shoes, and handbags.“

 

[Yoshi155]

Wait! I want you to look me in the eye and promise you won’t get behind the wheel without some kind of alcoholic beverage in your hand!

I promise nothing!

 

[-Blue-]

My god, this is an outrage! I was going to eat that mummy!

Futurama has some of the best quotes. I watched that episode a month ago.

We can definitely escape Bender, all you have to do is bend the hatch off this steam pipe.
Hey, yeah.
Agh! No good, it's full of steam!

 

[Yoshi155]

I’m only ten and I’ve already got two mortal enemies.

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"That plot makes perfect sense, wink-wink."

"Bender, you said 'wink-wink' out loud!"

"No I didn't, raise middle finger."

 

[Yoshi155]

I want every loyal listener to do everything they can to get him out of jail.

All right, you heard the man. One grenade each. *starts passing out the grenades*

Moe, I think he meant through non-violent grassroots political action.

 

[rocketspruggs]

"My bones are so brittle, but I always drink plenty of...malk?"

 

[Yoshi155]

You all think robots are machines built by humans to make their lives easier.

Well, aren’t they?

I’ve never made anyone’s life easier and you know it!

 

[Suguri]

“What?! R-really?! We're friends? F-friends... I feel all tingly and funny hearing that... Ehehe...” -Kieran, Pokemon SV DLC

“I’m a tax payer, need a good lawyer” -Chop Chop Master Onion and PaRappa, PTR2

“Remember
“we have a you know what can I believe” -an online friend

 

[QueenCobra]

“Hey, Jan, you went to a sperm bank?”
“Uh, yes, I did.”
“I donated sperm.”
“Oh. Maybe I'm the father.”
“Well, this is a highly exclusive establishment.”
“Next to the IHOP?”

 

[Yoshi155]

You read my thoughts! You’ve got the shinning!

You mean “shining”.

Shh! You want to get sued?

 

[Yoshi155]

Mom! Mom! You’ve gotta help! They’re cooking kids in the school cafeteria!

Listen, kids, you’re eight and ten years old now. I can’t be fighting all your battles for you.

But mom-

No buts! You march right back to that school, look them straight in the eye, and say “don’t eat me”.

 

[Yoshi155]

We can stay in the car while you go in.

No! You should never leave kids in cars.

We’ll be fine!

I’m not worried about you, I’m worried about other parents judging me.