The out of context quotes thread

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Hello Betty? Yeah I can talk as long as I want! I don’t pay the bill! Chirp chirp chirp chirp!”
“Hang in there boy! I’ll get some food into you soon! Oh hi there Barney! You wanna go do something stupid today? Hopefully something where I get hurt.”

 

[Beanz]

posted in the wrong thread sorry **

 

[Yoshi155]

Hens love roosters, geese love ganders, everyone else loves Ned Flanders!

Not me!

Everyone who counts loves Ned Flanders!

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Wait a minute. The guy's a nihilist. What does he want a birthday for?"

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“The cockroach says: I rather prefer scones.”

 

[Yoshi155]

All I know is that you've changed. Ever since you joined this PC thing you just bully people. And wait for people to say anything improper so you can jump down their throats for whatever words he or she used.

He or she is an agenderphobic microagression, Sharon. You are a bigot.

*Sharon leaves the room*

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Sometimes things on the farm make different sounds. The Farmer says: Bombs! We’re all gonna diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie!”

 

[Yoshi155]

Church!

What?

I have to go to the church! God misses me!

Sorry. No church for two more weeks, pal!

You don't understand! God wants me to visit! He killed me because he misses me!

Well, you should have thought of that before you messed up the upstairs bathroom!

 

[QueenCobra]

“Slurp down a ween, perhaps?”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“And the muffin which still looks fresh thanks to preservatives says… Nothing.”

 

[Yoshi155]

Well, kid, you made an entire town panic, you lost all your friends, and, now, you're going to Juvenile Hall for a week. Was it worth it?

Totally.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Oh Muffin Tree! Why do you only grow blueberry muffins? Please make me another kind. The Muffin Tree said nothing as it was a tree and trees don’t talk.”

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"So what are you now, a butler? Spot of tea please, jerkwad!"

"It's called class, you yokel. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a buttocks to tattoo."

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“And so the next day, the little girl found a new kind of muffin growing on the Muffin Tree. She ate it and it was the most delicious muffin she had ever eaten. However five minutes later, she was dead.”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“The moral is: Never talk to Muffin Trees!”

 

[Yoshi155]

You see, Dr. Secondopinionson, he's contracted hepatitis, rickets, gonorrhea, and a dozen other illnesses in less than two days.

 

[-Blue-]

You humans are so scared of a little robot competition you won't even let us on the field!
What are you talking about? There's all kinds of robots down there.
Yeah, doing crap work! They're bat boys, ball polishers, sprinkler systems. But how many robot managers are there?
Eleven?
Zero! *Tosses beer bottle on floor. Roomba comes out of hole.* And what a surprise! Look who's scraping up the filth! Is it a human child? I wish!

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Oh, hello son."

"Dad, there is so a tooth fairy, huh?"

"What? Oh, Kyle, let's have a little talk."

"Oh my God, you did lie to me!"

"No, Kyle, she's just make-believe, like Peter Pan."

"Peter Pan, too?!"

"Kyle—"

"What about Moses and Abraham?"

"Well, they were probably real."

"Probably?! Is Atlantis real?"

"Probably not."

"Aah!"

"But Kyle, adults make up those things because they're fun for children."

"Fun for children?! Fun for children! Look at me, dad! I don't even know what's real anymore!" *runs away screaming*

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Sit down!”
“We can’t! Our hips don’t work!”

 

[Yoshi155]

Stan! Stan, what the hell is going on?!

It's Critter Christmas, dude! It sucks ass!