The out of context quotes thread

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“So basically Moe’s Dumbo, the suit is the feather, and we’re the racist crows?”
”Honey, the crows weren’t racist. The men that drew them were.”

 

[Yoshi155]

Yes, yes, I know the procedure for armed robbery. I do work in a convenience store, you know.

 

[Yoshi155]

Wait, what about a babysitter?

(picks up phone)

Listen, ya lousy bum, if I ever get a hold of you, I swear I'll cut your belly open.

Goodness, must be a crossed wire.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Huh. Chef must not like ghosts.”

 

[frogslime]

 

[Yoshi155]

Well, if you ain't goin' number one, and you ain't goin' number two, just what the hell number are you going?

Uh, number 3?

Number 3… JESUS H. RODRIGUEZ!

 

[Yoshi155]

That kid gets more action than I do.

Well, I am still weaning him, Clay.

Bloberta, he's seven!

 

[ShinyDungeoneer]

"I was simply relaxing in Kris's spacious Pants Hole." -Lancer, Deltarune Chapter 2

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Eggs aren’t evil! Roosters are!”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Can’t crush a Soul here. That’s what life on Earth is for.”

 

[Yoshi155]

You're watching MTV, the cool, brainwashing, twelve-year-old-and-younger station that hides behind a slick image. We're so cool that we decide what's cool. And now, MTV News, the news that is singlehandedly dumbing down our country. Which is cool. Here's your host, Kurt Loder.

Why am I still doing this? I've got to be the oldest person in this network by at least 40 years.

Kurt Loder didn't just say that. No wait, he did just say it, but just to be cool. That's what makes him cool. You think Kurt Loder is cool. And now, the news that's cool.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Sinbad? So THAT’S where you’ve been the past ten years!”
”What? I’ve only arrived here six months ago!”

 

[Yoshi155]

Forgive your debtors!

Forgive your trespassers!

You owe me a bottle of wine!

GET OFF MY PROPERTY!

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! You ignore me!”
”OH WHY DON’T YOU SHUT UP, BLABBERMOUTH?!”
*Shoves Evil Dragon King so hard he flies off stage*

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Y'know, I only put my name on there as a show of good faith for the other robots."

"Stop being such a baby and chop my hands off!"

"Oh, very well."

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Yeah, God hates homos.”
“You’re gonna come into my house and say God hates homosexuals?”
“And the French!”
“God hates the French?”
“Everybody hates the French.”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Oh isn’t that nice! Mr Salt has learned the value of corporal punishment.”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Hey wait a minute! Why do I always turn into something lame like ice?! I’m always a wave or a puddle.”
“I don’t know, Zan. This isn’t the time or the place to get into this….”
“When will we talk about it? What kind of superpowers do I really have when you get right down to it?”
“Relax.”
“I could be eaten by a sponge! It wouldn’t even need to be an evil sponge!”
“Just drop it!”
“I’m serious!”

 

[Yoshi155]

Goddamnit, don't you get it?! I hate pee! I'm grossed out by pee! The only thing I find more disgusting than pee is bananas!

All right everyone, quick! Here you go!

What's this?

You all need to eat your banana immediately!

What the hell for?!

Eat the banana or we have to put you down!

AAAAAGGGGGHHH!

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

Oblongs Oblongs
Down in the Valley where a chemical spill
Came from the people living up on the Hill
There’s a family next to the landfill
With its hazardous foam
In their happy glowing home
Oblongs!