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The out of context quotes thread

"I even made a joke about it."

"That one guy in HSR named Regin or whatever. Who makes you do the quizzes. He usually says, 'it's coming to me... it's definitely coming to me...'"

*then he farts hard*

"LMAOOO!"
 
It's not that cats don't like baths. It's not that cats have a difficult relationship with baths. It's not that cats chose not to vote for baths in the last election. It's not that cats would rather choose vanilla over baths. It's not that cats neglect to send baths a card on their birthdays. It's not that cats pick baths last when choosing sides for a kick ball game. It's not that cats think about baths in the same way a fire hydrant thinks about dogs. It's not that cats look at baths in the same way that a vegetarian looks at ten pounds of raw liver. It's not that cats once bought baths and awesome present that cost an entire month's allowance, and then baths didn't even have the decency to say "thank you."

It's simply that CATS HATE BATHS!
 
*Kid singsong taunting*
“You’re gonna lose! You’re gonna lose! You’re gonna lose!”
*Taunting continues*
“We’re gonna win! We’re gonna win!”
“You’re gonna lose! You stink!”
*Jimmy throws a baseball mitt directly at the kid’s face and it hits him and knocks him over*
“Ha! Got him!”
 
Alright, if you’re so smart, tell me this. Earlier, I was climbing up one of those obnoxiously tall towers, and I made it all the way to the top where the propellers are, so I tried to land on one for a better angle and I just fell straight through it. It was like it didn’t exist.

Skill issue.

Excuse me?
 
"You don't have to be lonely, at farmersonly.com...."

"I'm here! I signed up for this because I want to find someone."

"Well that's great and all. Here you go!" *a literal cow is randomly dropped in front of the person and it starts gnawing at the grass nearby*

"Um, this is an animal..."

"That's right! Didn't you read the fine print? It's FARMERSonly.com. We provide farm animals to those who want something a little extra in their life."

"...but why?!?"
 
"And do you know why I'm better than every other middle school child? Because I have a credit card and YOU don't!" *Chuckling*
"Shut up! Credit cards don't even exist in this time period! Bringing stuff from the future into the past isn't cool idiot!"
"Also my credit card score is 69,420 if you wanna hit me up"
 
“Hey pursey! I love your purse!”
“It’s a book bag.”
“It’s a girl’s purse. That makes you a girl.”
“No it doesn’t.”
“You calling me a liar?”
*Dewey swings the purse and hits the bully in the face and then starts swinging it around by spinning and hits the other bullies and they run away scared. Dewey then takes out a brick from the purse and tosses aside casually*
 
"Any last words before you die?"
"Go home Mac, you're drunk"
"Alright let's settle this like real men"
*Puts on boxing gloves*
"Do you want to die standing up or sitting down?"
"I want to die like a champion"
*Shoots wall*
"Aw jeez, do you have any idea how much those boxing gloves cost?"
 
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