The out of context quotes thread

[Yoshi155]

…and I contend those tourists were decapitated before they entered the Krustyland House of Knives.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Shaggy throws water on witch ghost*
“What was that?”
“You’re not melting! It worked in the Wizard of Oz.”

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Alright Morty, I just gotta combine it with some of your DNA."

"Oh, well, okay..." *He unzips his pants*

"A hair, Morty. I need one of your hairs. This isn't Game Of Thrones."

 

[Yoshi155]

He was a jazz musician! You didn’t know him! Nobody knew him! But he was a great man! And I won’t rest until all of Springfield knows the name of Bleeding Gums Murphy!

And I won’t rest until I’ve gotten a hot dog!

Homer, this is a cemetery.

Hot dogs! Get your hot dogs here!

Woo-hoo!

 

[Mr.Fox]

'What do you do? Just follow my husband around?'

'Lady, he's puttin my kids through college.'

 

[Yoshi155]

Hello, Mr. Hutz.

I’ll have you know the contents of that dumpster are private! You stick your nose in, you’ll be violating attorney dumpster confidentiality!

I just wanted to say hello.

Oh… hello. *chuckles nervously*

 

[QueenCobra]

"Well, Arthur, I read 'Reconsidering Sandy,' and to tell you the truth, I'm a little confused."

"Confused about what?"

"Well, first of all, there's at least three characters named Mike."

"Let me ask you something, Lou. Have you ever met anyone else named Lou?"

"Well, yes."

"Slice of life, my friend. I just writes it like I sees it. So, what's the next step? Can you get me a meeting at the William-Morris office?"

"I don't think so."

"I understand your problem. Even though you're not right for the lead role of Smithy, I have the perfect role for you: Henchman #2."

"That's another thing. There's no Henchman #1."

 

[Yoshi155]

Hey, stop talking bad about my town, man!

Why don’t you make me?

I don’t make trash, I burn it.

Then I guess you’re a garbage man.

I know you are, but what am I?

A garbage man.

I know you are, but what am I?

A garbage man.

I know you are, but what am I?

A garbage man.

Takes one to know one.

*shocked and responseless*

Checkmate!

 

[Midoriya]

*heart monitor beeping in a hospital room with several men*

"Johnathan, I don't have much time left... here, come a little closer..."

*Johnathan leans in*

"What is it, Father Tom?"

"If there's one thing I've learned in life.... it's that Americans are stupid."

*the heart monitor fizzles out and flatlines*

"He's dead."

"Well, we can't put that on his tombstone. Come up with something else instead."

"Will do, sir."

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Don't be sad, little girl. One day you're gonna grow up and you're gonna be big— Oh, wait. Never mind."

 

[Yoshi155]

You okay, Patrick?

FINLAND!

 

[Mr.Fox]

'So, like us, let your children run wild and free...because, as the old saying goes, "let your children run wild and free".'

 

[Yoshi155]

What do Kirby and Michael Jackson have in common?

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Now how was that?”
“I JUST ATE A TUB OF MEAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

[Yoshi155]

You, sir, have defaced a national treasure. I demand you restore my buttocks to their former glory!

 

[PapaCrossing]

Hello. This is Moleman in the Morning. Good Moleman to you.

Today: Part Four of our series of The Agonizing Pain in Which I Live EverydAAAaaAAaayy...

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Woo, time to go clubbin'!" *Pulls out a baseball bat* "Baby seals, here I come!"

 

[Yoshi155]

And now you’re asking for a day off? Get out my and my sight. You’re bogarting my patience.

Hermes, who were you yelling at?

Meself. I asked meself for Valentine’s Day off, but I was in no mood for any of my shenanigans.

 

[Mr.Fox]

‘Dad, what’s a Muppet?’

‘Well, it’s not quite a mop, and not quite a puppet, but man…*laughing*…so to answer your question I don’t know.”

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Oh, so just 'cause a robot wants to kill humans, that makes him 'a radical'!"