The Internet's Worst Advice Column

[dedenne]

look on the land
how do i catch up with all my overdue pieces of homework?

 

[Ciary]

relax! everything will be fine. nothing bad ever came of doing nothing. so go chill and have some fun.

help, I am stuck on a train that is heading right for a black hole! I am going to die. how do I safe myself?

 

[SweetDollFace]

Contact a professional fisherman, especially if its in the toilet.

how do I run a bike?

 

[Your Local Wild Child]

It’s foot powered.

what’s the easiest way to make up an excuse to go on vacation?

 

[SweetDollFace]

Say you have COVID.

How do i get my electricity running?

 

[Your Local Wild Child]

Give it a good pep talk.

How would one mail themselves across the border? asking for a friend

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Pack yourself in a box but don't punch any holes on it! You need to keep it inconspicuous to get across. Not guaranteed to get to your destination alive.

How do I bake potatoes?

 

[applesauc3]

Throw them at the sun... that should cook em!

Where can I get a coffee?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Buy one from a pigeon on a street.

How do I drive responsibly?

 

[applesauc3]

drink a lot of lemon juice right before driving and put bricks on the breaks and gas

How do I become smarter?

 

[Your Local Wild Child]

By reading every article on wikihow.

how does one acquire a stop sign?

 

[applesauc3]

stop and wave at it, then it might come to you

How do I make pasta?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Eat spaghetti and gain knowledge from there.

How can I make my house cooler?

 

[Mick]

Set the curtains on fire, it will get really hot for a moment but it will cool down pretty fast after that

How do I charge my phone

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Slap AA batteries on it. No need to charge them for a while!

What do I do if I meet a person that has the same name as me?

 

[Ananas Dragon]

Fight to the death! Winner gets to keep their name... and life

how do I make my villagers not display clothes

 

[Bcat]

Give them tons of bugs instead.

how can I stop eating so many sweets?

 

[Ananas Dragon]

Put some salt on them, then they aren't sweets

how do I make bell tree bells

 

[FRANS_PLAYER]

Delete your account

What's the best way to eat ice cream?

 

[Ananas Dragon]

take an entire bucket, melt it, and pour it directly in your throat

How do I draw good art