The Internet's Worst Advice Column

[Midoriya]

Blow up the sun.

How do I eat breakfast more often?

 

[ForestFox]

Wake up at like 1, eat and then go to sleep again, than want a snack.

How do I make more food for myself

 

[Radman1985]

Stuff dirt in your bathtub, throw in some seeds that you find wherever, use your kitty litter box as a source of fertilizer, and enjoy your next meal!

How do I get the voices in my head to stop arguing?

 

[ForestFox]

Stop thinking.

How can I get it to be warm here

 

[ravenclaw_equestrian]

Microwave a giant blanket and set it over the area you want to make warm.

How do I get better at blending colored pencil?

 

[ForestFox]

Either use a white, or use your fingers.

How can I get over wanting to not be in school.

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

Blow up the school; You won't have the feeling of not wanting to go to school if you can't go!

My back is super itchy but I can't reach it, help?

 

[ForestFox]

Have a pet claw at it for a bit.

How do you get over a person you never even got with

 

[Midoriya]

Use a ladder and jump over them from above.

How do you cook a five star breakfast?

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

Travel to space, grab five stars, fly back to earth, and put those stars in a frying pan. Da-na-na-naaaaa! You just made a 5-star breakfast!

I played a computer rhythm game and my arm/wrist hurts, help?

 

[Xara]

chop it off.

how do i improve my singing?

 

[Millysaurusrexjr]

Instead of singing from the diaphragm, sing from one of the other organs instead, like the kidney or the spleen. Give them a chance to shine!

How can I better motivate myself to be more productive?

 

[-Blue-]

Activate a sentient robot that will attack you whenever you even have the slightest idea of procrastinating.

I want to go swimming, but it's so cold outside?

 

[. Rarity .]

Oh man, I feel you, been there

What you do is you go pack up your beach supplies, and head over to a local volcano. I recommend that you bring lots of sunscreen.

There's probably a volcano near by, you can smell them a mile away. Its free admission! I heard diving in from the top head first is the best way in. Then enjoy a relaxing swim, paddle around, maybe dive under.

I personally, GUARENTEE, that the water is always super hot, and so relaxing. You'll absolutely love it.
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Help! There's a goat in my backyard! What do I do?

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

Tell your friends and family that you're all eating goat for dinner.

I keep finding my door open when I wake up in the morning even though I keep it closed 24/7.

 

[. Rarity .]

(My poor vegetarian self lol)

Well, I heard that Paranormal investigators are pretty good at sniffing out ghosts

But you know, could be some friendly ghosts, most likily famous ones, they'll probably leave after a pagent. Ghosts love those.

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I lost my house keys, and my cat won't stop meowing. What do I do?

 

[TurnipBell20]

Ask the cat to open the door.

My jaw won’t stop hurting, what can I do?

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

Stop being so surprised in a jaw-dropping fashion. Y'know, like a cartoon character. I advise you to live in reality.

Hand-washing can be such a chore since I do it 20 times a day, is there an easier and quicker way to do that?

 

[ForestFox]

Don’t have hands, get rid of them.

How can I get someone to take my wife’s name out their mouth

 

[Midoriya]

Physically and forcefully reach into their mouth and pull your wife's name out of there! Don't stop until you can see the letters in your hands!

How do I clean better?