The Internet's Worst Advice Column

[Orius]

You ever played "pin the tail on the donkey"? It's the same, just with snips, a lot more firepower, and potential death.

How do I "smash that like button" like those YouTubers always tell me to?

 

[Neb]

By smashing that part of the screen with a hammer.

How do I stop being a night owl?

 

[Millysaurusrexjr]

Step 1. Invent Jigglypuff
Step 2. Have the Jiggly sing you a song each night, at 10 PM sharp. This way you won't be able to be a night owl, as you'll be asleep

How do I quit sugary snacks?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Just eat some more to the point you start hating them.

How do I do my bills?

 

[Orius]

Alphabetically - so Bill Gates should go after Bill Clinton.

How do I push Nintendo to bring in more new content for NH?

 

[Footsmell]

Get a routine. Never sit in bed to read/game/watch TV. After about a month you'll conk out as soon as you hit the bed. Sleepytime tea in the meantime, warm right before bed. And have your clothes laid out for the next morning, will save on stress and you'll wake up with one less task making you feel like you got better sleep.

 

[Millysaurusrexjr]

uh

What is the best way to prevent wrinkles?

 

[Neb]

Apply an entire container of concealer on your face. If you apply enough it should hide literally everything.

How do I stay focused on a game for longer than 2 hours?

 

[Orius]

Use a telescope. They're remarkably focused.

How do I better save electricity?

 

[Millysaurusrexjr]

Sell your house and all of your belongings, fly to a remote area of the world (preferably a jungle or something), and live as if you are from the Bronze Age. You'll still have some cash left over, which can last you as long as you want because there will be no electricity to use.

How can I keep myself motivated?

 

[Orius]

Adopt a crying baby that will give you $100 everytime you let him hit you with his rattle. Money can be such a motivating factor.

What's the meaning of life?

 

[Orius]

Bumped.

How can I have more time?

 

[Plainbluetees]

If a doctor ever says that you have “6 months” or something of the like, commit a major felony. Don’t plead guilty, but let them find you guilty. Then, hopefully the judge will give you 40 or so more years.

What’s the best way perform an electrical repair?

 

[pottercrossing]

Get someone else to do it for you.

What's the best way to get your crush to admit how he feels? (My BFF asked me to post this)

 

[Beanz]

Tell him that you are in a relationship with Shrek, the sexiest man alive. Jealous, your crush will be forced to tell you how he really feels. Confess to him that you were planning on marrying Shrek, but it’s okay because you’ll cheat on him so you two can date.

How do I make friends?

 

[Orius]

Hire a bunch of good-looking New Yorkers to star in a crappy sitcom that make easily dated jokes. The setting of the show is that they'd hang out at some hipster café all day and each other's luxurious apartments even though they work middle-class jobs. Tada! Friends! I'll be there for yoooou! When the rain stars to fall!

How do I get New Leaf?

 

[Neb]

Head to eBay and search for the priciest copy on there. I’m sure the scalper would be flattered.

How do I hold a conversation online?

 

[NovariusHaze]

Use lots of Emojis. At least one between each word.

How do I lose weight?

 

[Croconaw]

Stop eating.

I’m hungry and I don’t have any food now. What do I do??

 

[Midoriya]

Stop eating.

How do I make a life-size rocket that works by myself?