The Internet's Worst Advice Column

[SmoochsPLH]

shrink the planets

how do i wake up to my alarm instead of ignoring it

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Crank it up to 11 and set it right beside your ears. Now you'll have hearing problems!

How do I stop trying to avoid things I should be doing?

 

[Blueskyy]

Stop putting yourself into situations where you’re so busy. School work? Don’t go to school!! Work duties? Don’t work! Stay home and play Animal Crossing, and hope to inherit a windfall of money one day.

I want to get a pet but not sure I am up for the extra responsibilities right now.

 

[ProbablyNotJosuke]

Get a human, they can take care of themselves

I want to paint but I don’t know what brands to use!

 

[spawnpoint]

just use dollar store paint, the cheaper the better

please help i am constantly hungry what do I do

 

[Clock]

Find whatever item you see in your house and consume it
How do you get rid of ants?

 

[kikotoot]

A very large concave mirror. (just don't burn down the house while you're at it).

How do I get one of them green pinwheels

 

[ProbablyNotJosuke]

If you mean the plant, just tape blades of grass together till it resembles what you want. And if you mean the toy, just tape blades of grass together till it resembles what you want

How do I pitch a tent?

 

[Midoriya]

You have to describe how the tent will help people who buy it. Also how it will be innovative. Make sure that the executives are pleased (what, you wanted to pitch a tent, right?)!

How do I use a parachute?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Flip it upside down and fall upwards.

How do I boil water?

 

[Neb]

Buy a flamethrower.

How do I quit buying so many video games that I’ll never finish?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Just buy more so you can make yourself a video game smoothie.

How do I get more money?

 

[deana]

You need to take all your money out of the bank and put it in a large sack, then plant it in a glowing spot to grow a money tree.

What can I do to improve my quality of sleep?

 

[Neb]

Play the Star Wars prequels on a loop by your bed. The movies will be so dull that you’ll stay asleep.

How do I do a better job at staying in touch with all my friends?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Say hi to them every minute of the day.

How do i hug an animal?

 

[frogslime]

Take your arms, and find an animal. Any animal. How about that ant next to you? Do what you would with a human, no need to be awkward. Just wrap your arms around th- OH MY GOD YOU KILLED HIM.



How do I organize a memorial service on a $0 budget?

 

[ProbablyNotJosuke]

Alright time for an ez TroomTroom DIY coffin

Using your hot glue gun, completely trash someone else’s funeral and force them all to leave. Then yeet the body outta the coffin, throw in the recently deceased, and profit.

How do i find the cyber planet keys to summon Primus

 

[Midoriya]

Take a spaceship deep into outer space. Don’t worry. You’ll get there eventually.

How do I create a website?

 

[Clock]

Hack into the websites code and copy it, then publish it as your own website, easy

How do I get rid of a computer virus?

 

[tessa grace]

give it some medicine


where's waldo?