Personal Feelings on TBT and recent negativity-- how to fix.

[Ashtot]

I feel like there are some problems we are trying to fix that are unfixable. First of all, everyone is always mentioning cliques, but I don't really understand where that is coming from. I don't see cliques, I see groups of friends having fun. If you want to be included, you and I can make that happen. I've volunteered at my church for the past four years, and this is often a discussion that pops up once in a while, although there isn't much of a problem because of the way we deal with it. How our youth service works, is that we have about 30 minutes beforehand when most people show up and converse, you could think of it as the IRC. Every volunteer does their best to include people and greet them to make sure they feel welcome and accepted, but, there is segregation of age to some extent. The thing is, there's a HUGE age range on this site, so it makes sense that certain people will gravitate towards others, it's called friendship. The same thing happens at my church. It's not something that can be stopped, nor should be stopped, because it's natural and it's how you develop relationships. We can't regulate how everyone interacts with one another and control who's friends with who, so I think that some of this discussion is just kind of unrealistic. I mean I agree with most of what people are saying, but there should be a line. People view divides as something inherently negative or evil, which isn't the case.

- - - Post Merge - - -

So I just read all 14 pages of this thread in one go...I dunno whats wrong with me xD



That's exactly how I am. I went into IRC a few times, and while most of the experiences were okay/pleasant, the one bad experience has kept me from going back since. I suppose I can try again.

I'm not going to say names, but I think a few of the big antagonizers have been dealt with.
But what Cent said earlier applies here: "It takes two to tango". Though there are people who have gone and made a thread but done it in such a way as to disguise their attack on a certain user without actually mentioning them in it.



SO MUCH THIS. Huge pet peeve for me online! OMG we are kindred spirits.
It's WAY more effort to split what you want to say like that instead of just saying it all at once.
The online games I play (MMOs, etc) it REALLY grind my gears when people use my name on one line, then take like 3 minutes to type a portion of their sentence, then 3 more minutes to finish. So the chat is like:

[12:00] - adol
[12:03] - do you want to go
[12:06] - do that new dungeon
[12:09] - that they added
[12:12] - in the new patch

WHY NOT THIS:

12:00 - Hey Adol, want to go do that new dungeon they added?

So much easier, right?!

I'm guilty of this, and I also think it's annoying. I just tend to speak in words rather than sentences when I'm chatting in real-time. It also affects how I come across. People probably think I act a bit differently in IRC compared to the forums for that reason.

And seriously, if anybody is not feeling included in IRC or needs help etc. just send me a PM and I'll help you out.

I'd also like to add that the fact that we're taking time to actually talk about this is pretty insane, but in a good way. This is a large community, and if we can fix the major issues, I'd say that would be a pretty freaking amazing thing.

 

[Shirohibiki]

i notice how often the IRC is mentioned, and i have to wonder; is there a 'divide' of sorts between those who use the irc and those who dont? ive gone maybe 4 times total, all been nice experiences, but its just not my kind of thing because its so anxiety-inducing. but, i guess my question is, do people treat the IRC like a separate thing? like its not part of this forum, and if it is, only to talk about mafia/other users/etc? (just going by what others have said, nothing more)

to be honest, i agree that there is a problem in general with hostility (but i think its like that everywhere you go), but i just cant speak for IRC or mafia since i have little to no experience with them. and i suppose, when i say that, i do feel a disconnect, to the users that use those things mostly. if only because they participate in something that i dont, i suppose.

erm. im not sure where iwa s goin with this, i hope it made sense. its 8am and i just woke up orz,

 

[Pathetic]

I've also like to apologize to my antics, as I am one of the more, "jokey" ones in the irc. It's mostly because I became comfortable chatting with them. Also to the newer people of IRC, I'll try to be more welcoming. I'll limit my weirdness to 2 sentances. {lmao} Also Shiro @ I treat IRC as a place to chat, or meet new people on the forums. I was kind of scared to get in the IRC first, just coming and leaving. But don't worry, you just need to get comfortable. {this goes for the people scared of irc.}

 

[Caius]

I think it's less that the IRC and the Forum are divided, and more that the people that are regulars to the IRC know each other a bit better. We're cozy with each other, and have a different dynamic that does transfer over to the forums.

 

[Gandalf]

I think now is probably as good a time as any then if people want to talk about the mafia games. It is pretty upsetting to see when members have such a bad experience with it that they never want to play or get involved again. Even worse when people see only the bad side and stay away all together. Hope this might clear it up a bit.

First and foremost, mafia is a game. Plain and simple. Just like monopoly, mafia causes all kinds of family feuds. That is just the nature of it. What we need to do as players is mediate how we react to situations and also help others when they appear to be in an emotionally difficult position brought on by the game. A lot of the tension builds from taunting, mistakes, or people generally taking things to a personal level when being played by another member, though calling people out on this is one of the aspects that doesn't really help anyone. Just paying attention to these kinds of things would help avoid a lot of bickering.

For new players, and younger members specifically, it is the little voice telling them not to take the game personally that causes most issues. This probably isn't the right way to go about it because a lot of the time that reasoning may just appear to players as excuse for being nasty. This is not the case, though it is pretty difficult not to take things too personally during the heat of a game where many of the posts are strategically condescending. When you are playing though, there is a point where you might need to cut your losses and come to terms with what has happened, laugh it off if you made a mistake, or accept the fact that no matter how someone treated you, they were doing it for the game and that anything truly personal is pretty much breaching the games rules. Like any other personal altercation on the forums, this kind of thing needs to be handled by a mod or in a pm. Arguing in the thread with players you think are mistreating you isn't going to solve any problems and if you think someone has overstepped the line, there is a report button. Use it and don't let the experience ruin mafia for you. That said though, don't use the button every time somebody bests you. Good sportsmanship is key.

Mafia is complex. People make mistakes, and veteran players will tease them about it. Yeah this happens so there is no point turning a blind eye, but everyone makes the same mistakes when learning a new game and it's from these mistakes that we improve. Watching people slip up is why we all go back to the game - for the thrill of the chase, even for the times where that person slipping up is us. If you find yourself in a situation where you are feeling like you have let everyone down or people are trash talking how you played the game, you just need to remind them that it is only a game, there will be others, and that you did your best given your experience. Remember, everyone is analysing the thread in great detail so don't spam it up or post generally mean things and not expect someone to call you out on it. If this does happen, don't be that person that rants all over the forum about how terrible the game is just because you couldn't accept the repercussions of what you posted. A simple apology can be sometimes better than defending a broken ego or pride any day.

All that being said, when people start to put down other players for wording, play styles or past games, things start to take a turn for worse. This happens now and most of the time people don't even realise that they do it and, even though the game isn't supposed to be personal, people will undoubtedly take such a remark personally. This is where you need to watch what you say and really take a second look at your post and consider how it might appear in the eyes of another player. You are out there to have fun, not exclude and constantly remind others of their previous failed endeavours.

tl;dr this was going nowhere, save yourself the time and don't read it.

 

[Alice]

It really bothers me when people used bright coloured font.

As with Adol's, I'm having a spot of trouble looking at it.

- - - Post Merge - - -

i notice how often the IRC is mentioned, and i have to wonder; is there a 'divide' of sorts between those who use the irc and those who dont? ive gone maybe 4 times total, all been nice experiences, but its just not my kind of thing because its so anxiety-inducing. but, i guess my question is, do people treat the IRC like a separate thing? like its not part of this forum, and if it is, only to talk about mafia/other users/etc? (just going by what others have said, nothing more)

to be honest, i agree that there is a problem in general with hostility (but i think its like that everywhere you go), but i just cant speak for IRC or mafia since i have little to no experience with them. and i suppose, when i say that, i do feel a disconnect, to the users that use those things mostly. if only because they participate in something that i dont, i suppose.

erm. im not sure where iwa s goin with this, i hope it made sense. its 8am and i just woke up orz,

It's safe to say the IRC and the forum have separate rules. While we don't tolerate general swearing here, it is accepted in minimum quantities in the IRC. You could also say certain things that definitely wouldn't fly here. This may be off-putting to certain users who are simply used to following the forums own rules. While I'm not saying we should overhaul the IRC's tolerance policy, it really does make the irc feel like a separate entity.

 

[MisterEnigma]

Somebody on here said 'it takes two to tango', I think it might've been Cent, but after thinking about it, they've got a point, maybe I'm someone who's contributing to the negativity, maybe I come off as standoffish, and maybe I'm unfair to pin it on specific people or reasons why there is negativity. There's been a few people throughout the thread that have offered support so maybe it starts there, creating dialogues with people you never thought you'd get along with and just keep trying to push passed all the awful to find the wonderful. I don't do it enough. It's something I regret a lot, I miss out on getting to know a majority of you because I'm afraid. I'll try not to be that kind of person anymore. If you ever want to talk for any reason about anything, I'll always respond, and if you think what you'll say is stupid, chances are, my reply will be ten times more stupid, so don't feel like you can't say anything to me or anyone else. I'm sorry to anyone who I've come off to as rude or anxious, it was never intentional or personal.

 

[Caius]

Somebody on here said 'it takes two to tango', I think it might've been Cent, but after thinking about it, they've got a point, maybe I'm someone who's contributing to the negativity, maybe I come off as standoffish, and maybe I'm unfair to pin it on specific people or reasons why there is negativity. There's been a few people throughout the thread that have offered support so maybe it starts there, creating dialogues with people you never thought you'd get along with and just keep trying to push passed all the awful to find the wonderful. I don't do it enough. It's something I regret a lot, I miss out on getting to know a majority of you because I'm afraid. I'll try not to be that kind of person anymore. If you ever want to talk for any reason about anything, I'll always respond, and if you think what you'll say is stupid, chances are, my reply will be ten times more stupid, so don't feel like you can't say anything to me or anyone else. I'm sorry to anyone who I've come off to as rude or anxious, it was never intentional or personal.

Nothing you've said is stupid, and there's no need to regret anything. We're all here to work with each other. I'm not blowing hot air by saying that I'm willing to help you if you feel like you need it, or if you generally just want to talk. Social anxiety is something that many people here deal with. It can be hugely overwhelming to come into a busy place and just be expected to blend. Just remember that you're not alone in that, and it's okay. Even if you don't say anything, listening to the conversations can do you a world of good to just ease in to knowing people.

 

[Bowie]

I love how positive this thread is. Well, maybe not all of it is positive, but, most of it is.

 

[radical6]

I love how positive this thread is. Well, maybe not all of it is positive, but, most of it is.

i agree! its nice
i agree with what gandalf said. things go too far sometimes in mafia and it can cause tensions. maybe players should talk to each other after the game (or if theyre both dead) to make sure theres no problems ?? idk. like probably not needed for irc regulars vs irc regulars but yeah

 

[Grawr]

Some things never change, I suppose! I remember when people were "threatening" to leave TBT left and right years and years ago when arguments came about.

A lot of them did end up leaving, many of them my friends.

But! A lot of them stayed, too.

Those that chose to stay, myself included, are still here. And I can't even express how cool that is.

Here we are, 20+ years old, still able to check in with the friends we made when we were 12. There aren't very many places in the world that give you the feeling an online community gives you - places like TBT remind us that we don't have to go through things alone. Even if you think you're alone out there in your "real life," all it takes is clicking a log-in button to realize that you've got friends and a community that cares.

I haven't read through all of the arguments and supposed negativity that's been happening lately, I kind of do my own thing here these days, but I hope my words can help some of you see this place for what it can really be.

What's to argue and fight about? We're here because of a common love, so why not love each other?

 

[Flop]

What's to argue and fight about? We're here because of a common love, so why not love each other?

That's deep, man.

 

[Shirohibiki]

this thread makes me happy i might cry hngh
again, ill try to be less of a debbie downer, i know my depression has been eating me alive lately so ill try to swallow it back. i love you guys.

 

[cIementine]

Sometimes I want to leave because I feel like I've been a loser towards everyone and I can't fix the things I've said and done and it makes me sad to see my monstrous words.

 

[Nkosazana]

Sometimes I want to leave because I feel like I've been a loser towards everyone and I can't fix the things I've said and done and it makes me sad to see my monstrous words.

This.

 

[Caius]

Sometimes I want to leave because I feel like I've been a loser towards everyone and I can't fix the things I've said and done and it makes me sad to see my monstrous words.

Your time here is what you make of it. If you're going to have that kind of perspective, it sounds like there's something bothering you about everything past what you're saying. People make mistakes. To err is human, and if you don't, then you don't learn.

 

[Ace Marvel]

Sometimes I want to leave because I feel like I've been a loser towards everyone and I can't fix the things I've said and done and it makes me sad to see my monstrous words.

Dont look for people in quantity, look for quality, Is better to have a real good friend than 100 so so friends. Its a fact that not everyone will like you, but that applies to everyone.

And if you feel you've said thing you regret, the best thing to do is deal with it, and not just try to avoid it (just because you cant see it, doesnt mean it is not there).

People make mistakes, and everyone deserves a second chance.

 

[Lauren]

Some things never change, I suppose! I remember when people were "threatening" to leave TBT left and right years and years ago when arguments came about.

A lot of them did end up leaving, many of them my friends.

But! A lot of them stayed, too.

Those that chose to stay, myself included, are still here. And I can't even express how cool that is.

Here we are, 20+ years old, still able to check in with the friends we made when we were 12. There aren't very many places in the world that give you the feeling an online community gives you - places like TBT remind us that we don't have to go through things alone. Even if you think you're alone out there in your "real life," all it takes is clicking a log-in button to realize that you've got friends and a community that cares.

I haven't read through all of the arguments and supposed negativity that's been happening lately, I kind of do my own thing here these days, but I hope my words can help some of you see this place for what it can really be.

What's to argue and fight about? We're here because of a common love, so why not love each other?

Here, here!
I've been here a year and a half, not long compared to most but I've met some of my best friends here one of which being pally/princess, Jason, AndyB, kaiaa, cent, justin, prof gallows, alice and honestly I'm working right now everyone else! Yes we all have our issues but it's times like this we can work together to work it out!

 

[Colour Bandit]

I'm going to 'relax' my usage of TBT for quite a while now, I'm finding that either I'm noticing childish comments more or that the few are just affecting me more (A recent event being that I said that I find spoilers aggravating so I avoid them, then some users making petty jokes about that) I've also found that I'm finding less people that I can easily talk to and relate with...

I'll still visit TBT but much less than I currently do, I need to focus more on my life off TBT now... Hopefully by relaxing my usage I'll find benefits in my life off TBT and that I might be more calm and comfortable talking to other users here.

 

[Lauren]

Sometimes I want to leave because I feel like I've been a loser towards everyone and I can't fix the things I've said and done and it makes me sad to see my monstrous words.

I started my time at TBT horribly. I have anxieties, paranoia and various of other things. So I was rude because that's how I avoid social situations and I realised how wrong it was and I got a bad name and I'm not mean or horrible I'm actually nice and I want people to see that side of me, don't leave just make an effort to show you've changed!