i was born in a reasonably big city and lived there for the first year of my life (though i obviously don’t remember any of it or what it was like LOL), and i’ve always wanted to live in a big city like that again. specifically toronto— though, some of the stuff that has happened there in recent years and how expensive it is has made me reconsider a little. i think living in a big, bustling city like that would be a lot and overwhelming for me with the amount of noise, people etc, but i think living in one for even just a few months or a year is an experience i would like to have (again). i can’t explain it, but for someone who is as anxious and easily overwhelmed as me, i’ve always been drawn to busyness and cities that are full of it.
i currently do live in a city, but a smaller, less bustling one. i’ve lived here for 20 years, and it has honestly never felt like home to me. it just feels so… dull here, and not at all like a place that i want to live in forever. maybe it’s my desire for something new or maybe my mom’s hatred for this city has rubbed off on me over the years, but i just don’t feel like i really belong here. it’s my home, but it’s not my home, y’know?
my mom has talked a few times about moving us to a town in the middle of nowhere, where you have to drive forever just to come across shops, and you’re miles away from your neighbours. living in a place like that would be a dream come true for her, someone who doesn’t like busyness or people, but i don’t think i could ever do it. i don’t want to be separated from other people, or have stores not within walking distance or a reasonable car ride away. i think it would feel too isolating and lonely for me.
as much as i like the idea of living in a big city, i think i just want to live somewhere that is nice, not dull, and that feels like home— whether it’s a big city, a small city, or a town. heck, i’d even live in a village if it felt like home to me.