Application for the Curse (TEST CHAPTER!)

Colour Bandit

Senior Member
Joined
Jan 24, 2010
Posts
2,452
Bells
1,836
Dragon Tokens
0
Winter Mittens
Tasty Cake
Happy Home Designer Token
Astral Inner Planet Floating Gold #10
Cherry (Fruit)
Peach (Fruit)
Popsicle (TBT Beach Party)
Ice Cream Swirl (TBT Beach Party)
August Birthstone (Peridot)
Orange (Fruit)
Dear TBT,
I'm posting the prologue for my story on here so that I can get your comments on how to improve it. This is basically a test for me to see what needs to be improved and if you guys kind of like it and want more I'll post more chapters.
Yours faithfully,
TheDoctor
XXX
P.S I cut out some of the strong language.
<big><big><big>THE WHOLE STORY WILL BE POSTED HERE!!!!</big></big></big>
<div class='spoiler_toggle'>Prologue</div><div class="spoiler" style="display:none;">
<big>Prologue</big>

Only one family had lived in that house.

That family had lived there for generations, passing their home down from father to son, sometimes mother to daughter. But that exchanged stopped the day the curse fell. Years passed, the knowledge of the curse turned from fact to myth.

People forgot the house.
_______________________________
 
ACKid9 said:
Cool! Can't wait for the second part (if you're making one)!
I'll definetly be writing more chapters for this series and I'll post them here if you and other people like it! I'll also be posting this on: http://www.fictionpress.com/fiction/Supernatural/ but I can't post it there until tomorrow, I have to wait two days to post it and I joined yesterday.

What did you like about it? What would you improve about it?

Edit: I told my friend about this yesterday, she wanted to be in it as well. (Her character is Shannon.) I'm going to start Chapter 1 in a few minutes, the prologue just sets up the story and introduces one of the main characters. (Delilah Hart)

Guess who the voices are...they play an important part in this story!
 
Well, to improve, um, I can't think of anything..lol. And, this is a massive guess, but are those voices like aliens or something..?

I like writing stories, but they're quite rubbish. I might post one up on here in a couple of days..
 
ACKid9 said:
Well, to improve, um, I can't think of anything..lol. And, this is a massive guess, but are those voices like aliens or something..?

I like writing stories, but they're quite rubbish. I might post one up on here in a couple of days..
Hey, if you like writing stories keep writing them, you'll get better, I mean when I first started I was REALLY bad but I kept on writing and now I'm better, I'm still not the best but people read my stories and enjoy them...(Lots of people have said that I'm good at cliffhangars.)
And when people review saying what you should improve take their comments into consideration, because you can learn things from your reviewers.
 
You need to change marks so that they're appropriate. One instance, I noticed a comma was used, rather than a semi-colon. Semi-colons are placed between separate ideas, and are basically commas with "and" or "but" after them. Commas just separate items in a sentence.
 
Kaleb said:
You need to change marks so that they're appropriate. One instance, I noticed a comma was used, rather than a semi-colon. Semi-colons are placed between separate ideas, and are basically commas with "and" or "but" after them. Commas just separate items in a sentence.
I know, but my computer would tell me that the semi-colons are wrong apart from the one it put in to replace a comma. I'm spending more time now with spelling/grammar checks, I used to rush through a chapter <small><small><small>(*Coughmostofmydoctorwhofanfics*)</small></small></small> but now I'm being more serious about this.
 
Sorry for double post.
I'm half way through writing chapter 1 (Still got to spell/grammar check it too) and I've started a character list, which will eventually be very detailed and contain character back stories, but right now it's just like:
Name:...Age:.....Hair/eye colour:....
But right now it's for personal use, soon it will be put up to give you guys an idea of what each character's history is.
 
TheDoctor said:
Kaleb said:
You need to change marks so that they're appropriate. One instance, I noticed a comma was used, rather than a semi-colon. Semi-colons are placed between separate ideas, and are basically commas with "and" or "but" after them. Commas just separate items in a sentence.
I know, but my computer would tell me that the semi-colons are wrong apart from the one it put in to replace a comma. I'm spending more time now with spelling/grammar checks, I used to rush through a chapter <small><small><small>(*Coughmostofmydoctorwhofanfics*)</small></small></small> but now I'm being more serious about this.
Oh. Well. Good.

Glad to see someone else on here who appreciates writing. ^_^

I've wrote a lot, started since I was...I dunno, six, seven, or eight. Started out as small stories, and then I finished a 50 full page story in 4th grade. Since then I've only completed two stories; the rest always went a long way, but never finished.

But nuff about me. Keep up the story, I guess.
 
Rocketman said:
TheDoctor said:
Kaleb said:
You need to change marks so that they're appropriate. One instance, I noticed a comma was used, rather than a semi-colon. Semi-colons are placed between separate ideas, and are basically commas with "and" or "but" after them. Commas just separate items in a sentence.
I know, but my computer would tell me that the semi-colons are wrong apart from the one it put in to replace a comma. I'm spending more time now with spelling/grammar checks, I used to rush through a chapter <small><small><small>(*Coughmostofmydoctorwhofanfics*)</small></small></small> but now I'm being more serious about this.
Oh. Well. Good.

Glad to see someone else on here who appreciates writing. ^_^

I've wrote a lot, started since I was...I dunno, six, seven, or eight. Started out as small stories, and then I finished a 50 full page story in 4th grade. Since then I've only completed two stories; the rest always went a long way, but never finished.

But nuff about me. Keep up the story, I guess.
This is my first non-fanfic story, apart from the ones I've had to write for school and I'm making sure that there are no grammar faults, spelling mistakes or anything similar. The only problem with my stories are that my chapters are short, they're normally more than 1,000 words but no more than 1,750 words, which means I write lots of chapters.
But because of my GCSE's I haven't been able to write much, so I'm lucky that I've got the time to write the prologue and the first chapter.
 
TheDoctor said:
Rocketman said:
TheDoctor said:
Kaleb said:
You need to change marks so that they're appropriate. One instance, I noticed a comma was used, rather than a semi-colon. Semi-colons are placed between separate ideas, and are basically commas with "and" or "but" after them. Commas just separate items in a sentence.
I know, but my computer would tell me that the semi-colons are wrong apart from the one it put in to replace a comma. I'm spending more time now with spelling/grammar checks, I used to rush through a chapter <small><small><small>(*Coughmostofmydoctorwhofanfics*)</small></small></small> but now I'm being more serious about this.
Oh. Well. Good.

Glad to see someone else on here who appreciates writing. ^_^

I've wrote a lot, started since I was...I dunno, six, seven, or eight. Started out as small stories, and then I finished a 50 full page story in 4th grade. Since then I've only completed two stories; the rest always went a long way, but never finished.

But nuff about me. Keep up the story, I guess.
This is my first non-fanfic story, apart from the ones I've had to write for school and I'm making sure that there are no grammar faults, spelling mistakes or anything similar. The only problem with my stories are that my chapters are short, they're normally more than 1,000 words but no more than 1,750 words, which means I write lots of chapters.
But because of my GCSE's I haven't been able to write much, so I'm lucky that I've got the time to write the prologue and the first chapter.
GCSE's?

And yeah, story length doesn't really matter. I wouldn't want to read a thousand pages of rambling crap. It matters on the story and plot...there are a lot of different factors.
 
Rocketman said:
TheDoctor said:
Rocketman said:
TheDoctor said:
Quoting limited to 4 levels deep<small><small><small>(*Coughmostofmydoctorwhofanfics*)</small></small></small> but now I'm being more serious about this.
Oh. Well. Good.

Glad to see someone else on here who appreciates writing. ^_^

I've wrote a lot, started since I was...I dunno, six, seven, or eight. Started out as small stories, and then I finished a 50 full page story in 4th grade. Since then I've only completed two stories; the rest always went a long way, but never finished.

But nuff about me. Keep up the story, I guess.
This is my first non-fanfic story, apart from the ones I've had to write for school and I'm making sure that there are no grammar faults, spelling mistakes or anything similar. The only problem with my stories are that my chapters are short, they're normally more than 1,000 words but no more than 1,750 words, which means I write lots of chapters.
But because of my GCSE's I haven't been able to write much, so I'm lucky that I've got the time to write the prologue and the first chapter.
GCSE's?

And yeah, story length doesn't really matter. I wouldn't want to read a thousand pages of rambling crap. It matters on the story and plot...there are a lot of different factors.
GCSE's are some of the most important exams in the UK, apart from A Levels, you need them to get a decent job with good pay.

I do tend to ramble on a bit in my fanfics so I hope its not showing already in my own story!
 
TheDoctor said:
Rocketman said:
TheDoctor said:
Rocketman said:
Quoting limited to 4 levels deep<small><small><small>(*Coughmostofmydoctorwhofanfics*)</small></small></small>
This is my first non-fanfic story, apart from the ones I've had to write for school and I'm making sure that there are no grammar faults, spelling mistakes or anything similar. The only problem with my stories are that my chapters are short, they're normally more than 1,000 words but no more than 1,750 words, which means I write lots of chapters.
But because of my GCSE's I haven't been able to write much, so I'm lucky that I've got the time to write the prologue and the first chapter.
GCSE's?

And yeah, story length doesn't really matter. I wouldn't want to read a thousand pages of rambling crap. It matters on the story and plot...there are a lot of different factors.
GCSE's are some of the most important exams in the UK, apart from A Levels, you need them to get a decent job with good pay.

I do tend to ramble on a bit in my fanfics so I hope its not showing already in my own story!
Oh, I wouldn't know.
<----- From The U.S.
 
Back
Top