So the first couple days I was home for break I felt great... I could sleep in a bit, see my cats, not have to worry (too much) about schoolwork.
But I've been here for about 6 days now, and I realize why I would much rather be in my dorm... I'm not allowed to go anywhere, I don't have any nearby friends, we barely have anything to eat in our house, the dogs really grind my gears, and I feel like I'm a slave to my parents.
But ofc it's only Friday, and I'm not allowed to go back to my dorm until Sunday morning .-.
i hate women who propagate the idea that "we say the opposite of what we want" like?? idk would it kill you to be straight to the point? lol ur not any cuter when u purposely beat around the bush and just make your relationship more prone to miscommunication :'))
I wanted to do a quick check-in and realized my best friend on this site is slowly falling apart.
I want to be there and let her know I want to help her, but what can I do when I'm swamped with work and guilt? I feel so guilty about not being there for her, but when I try to, my brain sees it as me not doing my work and I get eaten away at for being lazy.
I just wish I could enjoy myself instead of thinking of myself as a lazy ***** whose thoughts can't leave her the **** alone. Once I look at my list of **** to do, my brain gets overwhelmed, my thoughts are overwhelmed. Once I'm done, I can't actually be done- I'm too used to working. I hurt myself and the most depressing thing is that- I'm so used to being hurt that it's almost addicting...like a horrible ****ing drug.
Sorry for rambling. I just thought I might as well start explaining myself to something other than a journal I cxn't even trust anymore.
sometimes I get moments like........"what am I doing lmao"
I mean, what does anyone do? My daily activities have made me realise how dumb all this **** is
- - - Post Merge - - -
idk maybe that doesn't make sense hsnsnns
I'm not trying to sound edgy af, but we think these things we do are so important, yet they contribute nothing in the grand scheme of things
you're not sorry and i don't care. i'm aware of what you think of me long before now. ever since that year you've hated my guts and wanted me dead. and i'm sorry i can't give you what you want but i have no guts.