Sexual Orientation & Gender Identity Support Thread

[Croconaw]

When I tell people that I'm non-binary, they completely ignore me. But when I tell people that I'm bisexual, they're like: "Oh my god, you like girls??" That's why I don't tell people about it anymore, why can't I just be accepted? :/
Not sure if this is supposed to be in the "What's Bothering You?" thread instead.

Those seem like typical reactions of young teenagers, and I assume that they are, given that you are very young yourself. I’m going to just come out and say that this doesn’t necessarily mean they are against it. They might just not know how to react.

However, I’m not aware of the complete details of the non-binary situation. Did you tell them because you want them to use a particular set of pronouns? If so, how they react to that tidbit will tell you a lot more. By ignoring, are they ignoring your preferred pronouns or just unaware of how to react to the fact that you are non-binary?

 

[xSuperMario64x]

You think people aren't aloud to deny sleeping with someone? Oh boy wait until you hear I'm never sleeping with anyone ever, what are you going to do about it?

this is actually the biggest mood of all time lol

fr though I'm sorry you have to deal w that. regarding the ace thing it's good to just be persistent abt it. I've known I was ace since before I knew there was a term for it, and my mom still thinks I might "change [my] mind" like okay you wanna bet on that?

 

[Croconaw]

this is actually the biggest mood of all time lol

fr though I'm sorry you have to deal w that. regarding the ace thing it's good to just be persistent abt it. I've known I was ace since before I knew there was a term for it, and my mom still thinks I might "change [my] mind" like okay you wanna bet on that?

Honestly, throughout going back and forth on my romantic orientation, the only thing that has remained consistent is my being absolutely sex repulsed.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

Honestly, throughout going back and forth on my romantic orientation, the only thing that has remained consistent is my being absolutely sex repulsed.

apothisexuals unite

 

[-Lumi-]

It's lesbian visibility week!! In honor of this week I hope that all my fellow lesbians have an extra special week full of good things and happiness I hope everyone else has a wonderful week, too!!

 

[Neb]

I think I might have posted about this on here a while ago, but it’s still an issue.

I don’t like being closeted as a gender fluid person. No one in my family knows about it aside from my other mom. She’s very supportive, but the rest of my family isn’t. My birth mom (who is a lesbian) is tolerant towards different sexualities. The exception believe non-binary or genderfluid people exist. If I told her she’d say “whatever” and never mention it again. I don’t really need advice on that since I don’t mind not telling her.

My problem is I want to be out publicly. I’d like to wear more feminine clothing on my feminine days. I wore a dress to a pride parade once and got harassed by both attendees and people at a restaurant. This was in a progressive city no less. I have multiple dresses I’d like to wear, but I’m afraid of being treated poorly again. Is there a way to avoid this from happening?

 

[Croconaw]

Is there a way to avoid this from happening?

You don’t want to make the mistake of thinking you can change how someone treats you. They are either a nice and tolerant person or they’re not. I hope this doesn’t come off as insensitive, but I think the best way is just not caring what other people think. If people are rolling eyes at you, let them. People will be intolerant. However, if they’re harassing you to your face, they are just not worth your time and it’s best to walk away. You don’t have to give people like that the time of day.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

I think I might have posted about this on here a while ago, but it’s still an issue.

I don’t like being closeted as a gender fluid person. No one in my family knows about it aside from my other mom. She’s very supportive, but the rest of my family isn’t. My birth mom (who is a lesbian) is tolerant towards different sexualities. The exception believe non-binary or genderfluid people exist. If I told her she’d say “whatever” and never mention it again. I don’t really need advice on that since I don’t mind not telling her.

My problem is I want to be out publicly. I’d like to wear more feminine clothing on my feminine days. I wore a dress to a pride parade once and got harassed by both attendees and people at a restaurant. This was in a progressive city no less. I have multiple dresses I’d like to wear, but I’m afraid of being treated poorly again. Is there a way to avoid this from happening?

you can't prevent it, all you can really do is have confidence in yourself. brush it off and make it seem like they're the fools for trying to make you feel bad abt yourself. I know having confidence can be difficult, especially in public, so I would suggest focusing on yourself for now and getting to know/like/appreciate who you are. the more you like yourself the more confidence you'll naturally have.

 

[Chris]

I think I might have posted about this on here a while ago, but it’s still an issue.

I don’t like being closeted as a gender fluid person. No one in my family knows about it aside from my other mom. She’s very supportive, but the rest of my family isn’t. My birth mom (who is a lesbian) is tolerant towards different sexualities. The exception believe non-binary or genderfluid people exist. If I told her she’d say “whatever” and never mention it again. I don’t really need advice on that since I don’t mind not telling her.

My problem is I want to be out publicly. I’d like to wear more feminine clothing on my feminine days. I wore a dress to a pride parade once and got harassed by both attendees and people at a restaurant. This was in a progressive city no less. I have multiple dresses I’d like to wear, but I’m afraid of being treated poorly again. Is there a way to avoid this from happening?

It's unfortunately just one of those things that happens. I'm somewhere in the realm of NB/GF and, ironically, I am harassed more often when I present as my AGAB than when I don't. Especially when out on dates - I'm gay and people only seem to notice/care when I present similarly to the person I'm out with. I wish there was a solution to this one, but there isn't really. I tend to just pretend I didn't hear them. Otherwise I tell them to piss off (would not advise, really, especially if you fear they'll be physical). If it happens in a restaurant, like your example above, you could always discretely tell the staff there that someone is giving you trouble if it's making you feel unsafe.

 

[moo_nieu]

I think I might have posted about this on here a while ago, but it’s still an issue.

I don’t like being closeted as a gender fluid person. No one in my family knows about it aside from my other mom. She’s very supportive, but the rest of my family isn’t. My birth mom (who is a lesbian) is tolerant towards different sexualities. The exception believe non-binary or genderfluid people exist. If I told her she’d say “whatever” and never mention it again. I don’t really need advice on that since I don’t mind not telling her.

My problem is I want to be out publicly. I’d like to wear more feminine clothing on my feminine days. I wore a dress to a pride parade once and got harassed by both attendees and people at a restaurant. This was in a progressive city no less. I have multiple dresses I’d like to wear, but I’m afraid of being treated poorly again. Is there a way to avoid this from happening?

not sure if you can avoid all that happening bc other people discriminating against you is not something you can control, but i think its important to remind yourself that your identity and expression are valid (having friends who support my identity is a helpful affirmation for me so maybe reach out to a few friends for support if you can). wearing a dress can really make you feel super confident and free but the confidence a lot of times has to first come from yourself. yeah until society moves on from prejudice there will still be people who are rude to you just because they think you should live differently. its not their business of course but it can be really hurtful for sure.

i think self confidence and reaching out to people for support are good ways to help mediate it but it cant be outright avoided. on days where you want to express your fluidity more but maybe dont feel confident enough to wear a dress, you could try expressing yourself with accessories maybe? theres still the chance of people being total jerks but it would be a little less noticeable i think and really its all to make you feel good and confident.

i guess my advice overall would be to try to keep up your self confidence, reach out to friends for support, and keep experimenting with ways you can express yourself that make you feel happy. im sorry your mom isnt understanding. it can be hard to live with secrets like this for sure. just remember your identity is absolutely valid even if there are lots of people who arent seeking to understand it. im sorry you had all those rude comments when you just wanted to wear a dress thats so horrible

 

[Neb]

Is it weird that I don’t think about my gender identity too often? I’m technically trans and nonbinary, but it’s not necessarily something that’s on my mind 24/7. When I do think about it though I have boy days, girl days, and neither days. I don’t typically talk about it irl either unless someone brings it up (which is almost never since I still present as a cis boy). I don’t know, it just kinda bothers me a little since I don’t really feel out unless it’s pride month.

 

[Croconaw]

Is it weird that I don’t think about my gender identity too often? I’m technically trans and nonbinary, but it’s not necessarily something that’s on my mind 24/7. When I do think about it though I have boy days, girl days, and neither days. I don’t typically talk about it irl either unless someone brings it up (which is almost never since I still present as a cis boy). I don’t know, it just kinda bothers me a little since I don’t really feel out unless it’s pride month.

I think it’s actually a good thing to not be thinking about gender identity or sexuality. Just be yourself and not let things like these be your whole identity. It can be part of you but not all of you, if you catch my drift. I’m not open about my sexuality at all unless someone asks, although, it is pretty obvious, I’ll admit that. I’m just not a huge fan of people who let it consume them and that’s the entirety of who (they think) they are.

Note: I’ve realized that my previous statement makes it sound like I’m calling it a phase, and it may or may not be, but that wasn’t the intention. I meant it in the sense that they think it’s 100% who they are as opposed to only a small part. I’m into girls, but I’m also a person who travels. I’m a person who’s very much into sports. I also own a dog. You get the point.

It’s okay to be proud of what makes you different, though. Don’t let my opinion stop you, just my two cents.

 

[Chris]

Is it weird that I don’t think about my gender identity too often? I’m technically trans and nonbinary, but it’s not necessarily something that’s on my mind 24/7. When I do think about it though I have boy days, girl days, and neither days. I don’t typically talk about it irl either unless someone brings it up (which is almost never since I still present as a cis boy). I don’t know, it just kinda bothers me a little since I don’t really feel out unless it’s pride month.

I don't think it's weird. I mean, being NB is not something I constantly think about - much in the same way that I don't think all that much about being gay, disabled, or anything else along these lines that is outside of my control. They're just normal everyday things that aren't all that exciting to talk or think about until they're relevant in that moment. I've found other people tend to stress over my gender identity and how to refer to me more than I do. e.g. before my new boss met me she asked a mutual contact my pronouns, felt that person got it wrong, so proceeded to ask me the second I sat down at our first meeting. Both of them were correct, so I told her I don't mind either.

Is it possible you're still not fully comfortable with your identity?

 

[Rubombee]

Is it weird that I don’t think about my gender identity too often? I’m technically trans and nonbinary, but it’s not necessarily something that’s on my mind 24/7. When I do think about it though I have boy days, girl days, and neither days. I don’t typically talk about it irl either unless someone brings it up (which is almost never since I still present as a cis boy). I don’t know, it just kinda bothers me a little since I don’t really feel out unless it’s pride month.

mine's a big mess that i've stopped trying to figure out, so yeah, i only think about it when it's relevant/brought up in some way haha

like yeah, i know i'm nb by now, i don't need to think more about it, and it's easy to tell people that i am. but what i DO fret more about is stuff like my chosen name — like what middles i want to have (because i am not keeping my current ones if i eventually change it for real), or whether i should tell more people about it because it feels much more of a big deal to think about irl people using it… so that's a part i'm gonna take a long time to settle i think :'D

oh and i constantly wear both an ace and nb pins attached to my glasses so i guess it kinda fills the "not feeling out" niche you mentioned? since with them i'm p much instantly out to those who know

 

[moo_nieu]

Is it weird that I don’t think about my gender identity too often? I’m technically trans and nonbinary, but it’s not necessarily something that’s on my mind 24/7. When I do think about it though I have boy days, girl days, and neither days. I don’t typically talk about it irl either unless someone brings it up (which is almost never since I still present as a cis boy). I don’t know, it just kinda bothers me a little since I don’t really feel out unless it’s pride month.

gender identity is something thats been really important in my life the past two years: trying to figure myself out, establishing pronouns, and defending from/explaining to "loved" ones. even though i feel its an important part of my experience in life, i dont think about my gender identity all the time. i just live and sometimes it crosses my mind.

i think its absolutely okay for you to recognize your identity but not think about it much. you said it bothers you to not be out though so that does seem like something to try and figure out.. i agree pronoun pins are a very clear and visible way to be out. personally, i like to find supportive lgbt+ media and enjoy that. it helps me feel more secure and happy about myself and like its actually okay to be me which i guess allows me to feel more connected to myself? idk if something like that is what youre looking for though. or maybe you could get some pride merch to keep around yourself to feel more connected and accepted? i got a little sappho mug, and its made me really happy to just see it around. sorry if im misunderstanding how its bothering you. i guess its just up to you and how you want to express yourself. maybe little affirmation notes around your personal spaces like bedside table or bathroom mirror could help some? or maybe you could take a few minutes to meditate in the morning to recognize and affirm your feelings and identity each day. im not really sure tbh bc most of my problems related to indentity are from other peoples words and actions and not myself. i hope some of these could help though. if not, well just know that your identity is valid no matter how much attention or importance you place on it. youre you and thats cool

 

[xSuperMario64x]

so I'm obv aro-ace but I'm not opposed to being in a romantic/quasi-platonic relationship so I've been trying to find what kind of label might match me (not necessarily bc it's important at all, but because it's fun for me to learn about all the different romantic orientations out there and seeing where I fit in). I'm mainly interested in guys but I don't like to use the term gay to refer to myself since I'm NB (trans-masc) so I think the term achillean is closer to how I feel.

for anyone who doesn't know, "achillean" is like a much more broad version of mlm, basically referring to men or people who are nb and more masculine, being attracted to people who are men or nb/trans-masc.
the feminine equivalent is "sapphic" and that's how I first came to discover this word.

I'm pretty comfortable w this label, because while I wouldn't be opposed to dating a woman (or nb/trans-fem person) or even an agender/gender-fluid person, I've always found myself to be more interested in men/masc ppl. which kinda interesting considering I'm aro-ace so like, why should that even matter lol.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

I have some woes I need to get off my chest. it's only fitting since it's now officially pride month.


it seems like every time I develop a crush it's with someone who doesn't seem to be interested in someone like myself. my first crush was a friend of mine, who's a cis guy and interested in girls (I'm nb/trans-masc and ace soooo haha). every person I've had a crush on since has been a guy who isn't gay/mlm/bi/etc or is already in a relationship/interested in someone else. I can usually accept it but I have a difficult time moving on because I always feel like I won't find someone that special again.

has anyone else ever felt this way? and if you have, how do you deal with it?




also wish I could apologize to everyone whom I've potentially friendzoned over the years. I'm a useless aroace who is totally blind to that kinda stuff lol.

 

[Croconaw]

-snip-

I don’t have any advice, but I’ve had quite a few crushes, and I’ve always eventually found someone else. Relationships aren’t really my thing, and my crushes almost never progress from anything more than a crush. On a few occasions, I do become friends with the person but they aren’t aware of my crush on them, lol.

I move on pretty quickly compared to most people. I’m not sure how, but I don’t let the sadness overwhelm me. I’m sad for a bit, but I move on pretty quickly and forget the crush. I’m not actively looking for a relationship either. If one happens, it happens, but I’m not going out of my way to find one, especially if I’m ever in Pennsylvania where I’m trying to move AWAY from. Like, there’s no point if I’m not going to be there long term.

 

[Neb]

-snip-

I’ve had a ton of one sided crushes too. One ended up leading me to a toxic relationship where I was just an “in-between person” (which was what they called it after cutting contact). Usually the crushes are intense and brief. I used to feel obligated to tell the other person, but that habit went away. In most cases just letting the feelings pass was what I found useful. When the urge to tell the person came up I’d just give myself some space until I was ready to talk again. It’s hard, but ultimately the unrequited feelings do pass.

 

[-Lumi-]

Happy pride month everybody!!

I just wanted to share a really sweet experience I've had. The child care centre I work at is attached to an elementary/middle school and theyve actually been celebrating pride month. It is so sweet.

When I was in elementary and middle school the only time I heard the word gay was when it was being used as an insult.

Here though, the classroom doors have been decorated for pride, the teachers are all wearing rainbows of some kind (at the very least a pin), and they're having fun little celebration days. I know there's still bullying and bad people in school - I'm not saying everything is perfect now or that this is the standard across all schools. But it is so sweet and such a big difference to see. Made me really happy