Serious Talk on Sex -Keep It Mature! description about a manga now added

[ACNiko]

I've been with my bf for like, 3 years now and I told him we wont do it until we're married (if we get married anyways) so was that right? Or maybe it bothered him..?

Many people think that the whole "wait-until-marriage-thing" is weird, but I see absolutely no problem with that. I mean, how important is sex really in a relationship? If it's true love, you could wait until marriage because that just proves that you're in love with each others personalities - not just each others bodies. That's what I think anyways.

 

[fallenchaoskitten]

yeah well I've been doing that actually (my bf encouraged me to) >//> I'm always afraid "it might hurt" but then again, it just depends on the amount of.. whiteness xD well uhh.. I've been with my bf for like, 3 years now and I told him we wont do it until we're married (if we get married anyways) so was that right? Or maybe it bothered him..?

If you aren't ready, then he shouldn't force you into thinking you are.
If you want to wait for marriage, there is nothing wrong with that. I always like the thought of waiting for marriage and after a horrible thing that happened to my in the 9th grade, which I won't get into, I decided I AM going to wait for marriage.

Being ready has absolutely NOTHING to do with how long you have been with someone.
It is the same way with "labeling an age" as Fearthecuteness kind of touched on in the beginning.
It is about YOU being ready ... not they are ready so I need to be.
My husband and I got married on our 3rd year anniversary. So, it is possible if you are dating someone for a long time and NOT have sex for whatever reason you choose. It can be either waiting for marriage like myself or that you aren't ready for that big step.

I will warn, if you wait for marriage and people find out, you get a lot of ****. Will not lie. I can tell ya all about it if anyone wants to ask or even send me a PM.
But it does say something about yourself and how you value yourself, remember that.

Being about to say "no" when you aren't ready, even if you aren't waiting for marriage, shows that you value yourself enough and respect yourself enough to not allow others to pressure you into something you will regret.

Sometimes not being ready does hurt a partner's pride, but they need to kinda "get over it." If they truly love and care for you, then they will respect your decision. Communication is entirely key in any type of relationship, so it is important to talk to your partner about how you feel about things, how you think, and your fears. If you don't, it can lead to a "shut down" or "putting up a wall" that leads to being disconnected. Which is an awful feeling for both parties.




As for the pain...
Myself and all my friends had pain their first time no matter what they did.
BUT If you are smart about it and take the time to actually learn about each other and go slow, the experience isn't that awful. I promise.
A lot of times... I guess... the best way to describe it is the pain is there but the pleasure is worth the pain? Even if it really isn't that good... since it is your first time.
The most important thing to do is relax. Which is easier said than done. Since when you are stressed, you will clench your muscles making it very difficult for you and your partner.
It is also common to feel pain the first FEW times you have sex. Not just the first time. But that is why it is important to have someone you can actually communicate with since sometimes there will be a spot that will give a painful feel and then there are spots that give the desired feeling of pleasure. You both just have to learn each other's bodies to make sure not to get those spots that may cause pain and hit the ones that cause pleasure.
Of course, if there is a lot of intense pain, it could be a sign of different medical problem and it is best to seek the advice of a medical professional. Something as common and easy to treat as a Yeast Infection can cause a lot of discomfort and pain with intercourse and many people don't know the "warning signs" to know they have one.

 

[Fearthecuteness]

how do u take ur virginity back
(asking for a friend)

I think one thing people missed on this (I could be wrong) is if you don't have sex for years (not sure how many. Sorry) your hymen will go back to how it is when you're a virgin.

 

[fallenchaoskitten]

Many people think that the whole "wait-until-marriage-thing" is weird, but I see absolutely no problem with that. I mean, how important is sex really in a relationship? If it's true love, you could wait until marriage because that just proves that you're in love with each others personalities - not just each others bodies. That's what I think anyways.

You make a really good point.
Several people try to use the metaphor of "test driving a car"
I hate tell you but when you test drive a car, you don't floor it and go 150mph on a ****ing test drive. >.>
The relationship is the test drive. Not the sex.
If you base a relationship on how sex is, then I hate to burst your bubble but someday you or them will get old or sick or something can happen where sex isn't an opinion now or even for a long time.
If you bought the car because it can go 150mph and it is amazing when it is at that! When the car starts to break down and it's hard to get over 75mph, you will lose interest and want to go get a new car.
I hope that makes sense.

Be in a relationship for each other and each others personalities.
Sure, "sexual compatibility" is important. But if you are with someone you can talk to and works with you on things out outside of the bedroom, they are likely to do the same in the bedroom.
That is what you need to look for in a long term partner to maintain a healthy relationship.

- - - Post Merge - - -

I think one thing people missed on this (I could be wrong) is if you don't have sex for years (not sure how many. Sorry) your hymen will go back to how it is when you're a virgin.

It is rumored to be 7.
It is something that is very much debated on with medical communities between website to website.
Many say 7-10 years and many others say it will never go back to the way it was before it was "broken."
So, it is not much a fact as it is a rumor.

 

[Fearthecuteness]

You make a really good point.
Several people try to use the metaphor of "test driving a car"
I hate tell you but when you test drive a car, you don't floor it and go 150mph on a ****ing test drive. >.>
The relationship is the test drive. Not the sex.
If you base a relationship on how sex is, then I hate to burst your bubble but someday you or them will get old or sick or something can happen where sex isn't an opinion now or even for a long time.
If you bought the car because it can go 150mph and it is amazing when it is at that! When the car starts to break down and it's hard to get over 75mph, you will lose interest and want to go get a new car.
I hope that makes sense.

Be in a relationship for each other and each others personalities.
Sure, "sexual compatibility" is important. But if you are with someone you can talk to and works with you on things out outside of the bedroom, they are likely to do the same in the bedroom.
That is what you need to look for in a long term partner to maintain a healthy relationship.

- - - Post Merge - - -



It is rumored to be 7.
It is something that is very much debated on with medical communities between website to website.
Many say 7-10 years and many others say it will never go back to the way it was before it was "broken."
So, it is not much a fact as it is a rumor.

Oh really? That's what someone I know got told by the doctors when it was hurting down there.

 

[fallenchaoskitten]

Oh really? That's what someone I know got told by the doctors when it was hurting down there.

Yup. Really.
I guess the way I can try to explain what the doctor said into what I am meaning is...
If you use to run a mile every day and then suddenly just stop for several years. The first time you try and run that mile again can be a lot hard than it was the last time and your sides will probably hurt.
...
Maybe an exercise isn't a good one... stretching will probably be a better example. XP
If you use to be able to do the splits but then completely stopped stretching for several years. If you just randomly get the feeling to do the splits again after not even stretching for 5 years, it's probably gonna hurt. >.>

If you don't do something for awhile, the body losses it's limberness.
It doesn't mean the hymen "grew back."
The body wasn't "stretching" for a long time and it lost some of it's limberness. Meaning it had to start learning to stretch again.
... Does that make sense?


But, again, that is why I said it is a debated topic with reliable sources saying it can and others saying it can't.

 

[Nerd House]

Many people think that the whole "wait-until-marriage-thing" is weird, but I see absolutely no problem with that. I mean, how important is sex really in a relationship? If it's true love, you could wait until marriage because that just proves that you're in love with each others personalities - not just each others bodies. That's what I think anyways.

"You gotta test drive the car before you buy it"

That's what I get when I ask people who they dont wait until marriage. It makes sense, I suppose. Even if you love the person 100%, sex and physical attraction are still very important to any relationship. You don't want to be with someone for years and then get married only to find that the sex is very bad. Some people can't "improve their game". I'm sorry if this seems silly, but as you get older you'd understand it better.

 

[fallenchaoskitten]

"You gotta test drive the car before you buy it"

That's what I get when I ask people who they dont wait until marriage. It makes sense, I suppose. Even if you love the person 100%, sex and physical attraction are still very important to any relationship. You don't want to be with someone for years and then get married only to find that the sex is very bad. Some people can't "improve their game". I'm sorry if this seems silly, but as you get older you'd understand it better.

-cough- -quotes what i just said- -cough-

You make a really good point.
Several people try to use the metaphor of "test driving a car"
I hate tell you but when you test drive a car, you don't floor it and go 150mph on a ****ing test drive. >.>
The relationship is the test drive. Not the sex.
If you base a relationship on how sex is, then I hate to burst your bubble but someday you or them will get old or sick or something can happen where sex isn't an opinion now or even for a long time.
If you bought the car because it can go 150mph and it is amazing when it is at that! When the car starts to break down and it's hard to get over 75mph, you will lose interest and want to go get a new car.
I hope that makes sense.

Be in a relationship for each other and each others personalities.
Sure, "sexual compatibility" is important. But if you are with someone you can talk to and works with you on things out outside of the bedroom, they are likely to do the same in the bedroom.
That is what you need to look for in a long term partner to maintain a healthy relationship.

 

[ACNiko]

Even if you love the person 100%, sex and physical attraction are still very important to any relationship. You don't want to be with someone for years and then get married only to find that the sex is very bad. Some people can't "improve their game". I'm sorry if this seems silly, but as you get older you'd understand it better.

That's where I disagree. Sex is nice, but it's not italic-underline-bold-very important. If I was in a relationship, of course I would want to have sex with my partner, but it's not important. If s/he says s/he wants to wait with sex, I'm fine with that (even if I think I would be the one to say that ). And I don't have to be older to understand it better - this is what I think of sex. You have a different opinion.

 

[KaptenK]

OK, about the thing with not having sex before marriage:

I see the point with it, I truly do, but if you are not religious then marriage is just a legal procedure where you make it so that if you die, all your things goes to your partner and stuff like that. If you ask me it should not define the love you have for each other. It's not a safety net that makes it impossible for people to grow tired of their partner. So if you are going to marry, make sure that you are probably going to stay together forever, or else there will be a higher risk of a divorce and a divorce is just a more complicated way to break up. Much more complicated.

That's why I think it is wise to include sex in a relationship before marriage. If you consider sex to be a relationship-thing, it should really be a part of the whole experience. If you set a rule that sex will only happen after marriage, then there will be a risk that the marriage itself becomes more exciting because when it's done sex will finally be available. Then you're not marrying for love anymore.

A lot of relationships end because of people getting bored with each other. There is no way to know how long the hype will last after you begin to have sex. It is, no pun intended, a very exciting thing and one that many look forward to but, again, there is no telling what happens after having sex becomes a habit. If a couple are having sex before marriage regularly, and still love each other 5-10 years after that and wants to get married because of love and maybe legal reasons, then I would say it is the right time for marriage.

Sure, sex is not to be stressed, but marriage really shouldn't be either. I respect every person's choice to not have sex before marriage, but just keep this in mind.

 

[Fearthecuteness]

Yup. Really.
I guess the way I can try to explain what the doctor said into what I am meaning is...
If you use to run a mile every day and then suddenly just stop for several years. The first time you try and run that mile again can be a lot hard than it was the last time and your sides will probably hurt.
...
Maybe an exercise isn't a good one... stretching will probably be a better example. XP
If you use to be able to do the splits but then completely stopped stretching for several years. If you just randomly get the feeling to do the splits again after not even stretching for 5 years, it's probably gonna hurt. >.>

If you don't do something for awhile, the body losses it's limberness.
It doesn't mean the hymen "grew back."
The body wasn't "stretching" for a long time and it lost some of it's limberness. Meaning it had to start learning to stretch again.
... Does that make sense?


But, again, that is why I said it is a debated topic with reliable sources saying it can and others saying it can't.

I see what you mean. Yes it does make sense.

 

[fallenchaoskitten]

OK GUYS I AM STARTING TO THINK EVERYONE NEEDS TO SHUT UP ABOUT SEX BEFORE OR AFTER MARRIAGE TALK

It is something that is left to personal opinion that I think we ALL should agree on that.
It is not an educational fact which is what this place is meant for.

- - - Post Merge - - -

I see what you mean. Yes it does make sense.

Glad it makes sense. ^^'
I have to baby sit a lot of little kids ((I promise I am not calling you a little kid I'm using an example of how I thought of it o.o)) here-n-there and they ask so many questions that are hard to explain to them in a way they would understand at their age and maturity level.
I find using comparisons is a good way to get people to understand things better, so I try to do that whenever I can.

I wish I could just remember all those helpful sites that talked about it can and cannot to really be more of an assistance, but I can't and I don't want my husband looking at the computer history like, "Honey.... Why are you looking up how long it takes to grow back a hymen?" XP

 

[Fearthecuteness]

OK, about the thing with not having sex before marriage:

I see the point with it, I truly do, but if you are not religious then marriage is just a legal procedure where you make it so that if you die, all your things goes to your partner and stuff like that. If you ask me it should not define the love you have for each other. It's not a safety net that makes it impossible for people to grow tired of their partner. So if you are going to marry, make sure that you are probably going to stay together forever, or else there will be a higher risk of a divorce and a divorce is just a more complicated way to break up. Much more complicated.

That's why I think it is wise to include sex in a relationship before marriage. If you consider sex to be a relationship-thing, it should really be a part of the whole experience. If you set a rule that sex will only happen after marriage, then there will be a risk that the marriage itself becomes more exciting because when it's done sex will finally be available. Then you're not marrying for love anymore.

A lot of relationships end because of people getting bored with each other. There is no way to know how long the hype will last after you begin to have sex. It is, no pun intended, a very exciting thing and one that many look forward to but, again, there is no telling what happens after having sex becomes a habit. If a couple are having sex before marriage regularly, and still love each other 5-10 years after that and wants to get married because of love and maybe legal reasons, then I would say it is the right time for marriage.

Sure, sex is not to be stressed, but marriage really shouldn't be either. I respect every person's choice to not have sex before marriage, but just keep this in mind.

This^
In my personal experience I've had people who I really got on well with in the relationship but the sex with that person just wasn't right. You have to connect with someone sexually to truely make it last forever. Say you got married to someone you havent had sex with before and on the night of your wedding the sexual connection just wasn't there. What will you do then? only have sex when it feels like you kind of have to? Sex is more important in a relationship then a lot of people think. You realise when couple are having sex rarely or never that's when it goes downhill and they will either devorce or one will cheat on the other. But hey. Don't know why I'm getting involved in this conversation. I'm never getting married anyway. lol

 

[undadac]

Heres a lil Advice from me.
You know when you're ready! It's when you really think that you've fallen in love for the first time..you'll want it because you're in love and you wanna remember that love, that person for the rest of your life! first loves are usually the most important to you and i think especially for girls.. you don't wanna pass up loosing your virginity to the right guy because you think its "bad" or "sinful" if you love that person and you feel like you want to do it you should gather up the balls to do it.., like before its too late. Otherwise you could end up waiting & then your first love could end up loosing it to someone else, and then you'll probably do the same.. because these things happen and your boyfriends not gonna wait forever and it could cause stress on the relationship and you when you're holding out like that as well. If you love him hangout just the two of you, kiss!, and see where things go and go with the flow. Just make sure that he RESPECTS you and wants to make love to you! After you loose your virginity it's just sex, & All in All having sex is a beautiful and very meaningful thing as long as you're doing it with the right person because ultimately you'll be connected with that person for the rest of your life.

 

[Fearthecuteness]

OK GUYS I AM STARTING TO THINK EVERYONE NEEDS TO SHUT UP ABOUT SEX BEFORE OR AFTER MARRIAGE TALK

It is something that is left to personal opinion that I think we ALL should agree on that.
It is not an educational fact which is what this place is meant for.

- - - Post Merge - - -



Glad it makes sense. ^^'
I have to baby sit a lot of little kids ((I promise I am not calling you a little kid I'm using an example of how I thought of it o.o)) here-n-there and they ask so many questions that are hard to explain to them in a way they would understand at their age and maturity level.
I find using comparisons is a good way to get people to understand things better, so I try to do that whenever I can.

I wish I could just remember all those helpful sites that talked about it can and cannot to really be more of an assistance, but I can't and I don't want my husband looking at the computer history like, "Honey.... Why are you looking up how long it takes to grow back a hymen?" XP

Haha yeah. Would be awkward. Well if you or anyone else on here have any good links to anything sex related just pm me.

- - - Post Merge - - -

Heres a lil Advice from me.
You know when you're ready! It's when you really think that you've fallen in love for the first time..you'll want it because you're in love and you wanna remember that love, that person for the rest of your life! first loves are usually the most important to you and i think especially for girls.. you don't wanna pass up loosing your virginity to the right guy because you think its "bad" or "sinful" if you love that person and you feel like you want to do it you should gather up the balls to do it.., like before its too late. Otherwise you could end up waiting & then your first love could end up loosing it to someone else, and then you'll probably do the same.. because these things happen and your boyfriends not gonna wait forever and it could cause stress on the relationship and you when you're holding out like that as well. If you love him hangout just the two of you, kiss!, and see where things go and go with the flow. Just make sure that he RESPECTS you and wants to make love to you! After you loose your virginity it's just sex, & All in All having sex is a beautiful and very meaningful thing as long as you're doing it with the right person because ultimately you'll be connected with that person for the rest of your life.

Spoiler

View attachment 41956​

Is this meant to be when everyone feels ready? Because when I lost my virginity I didn't even love the guy. I just knew I was ready for such a long time and wanted to experience what it was like.

 

[fallenchaoskitten]

Anyways, can we all agree that if someone asks about sex before marriage or after marriage to leave out personal opinion and just make a pro-con list?
That way it is educational and not basis by someone's belief?
Since even those against waiting can surely list pros to waiting, and those against not waiting can surely list pros for not waiting.

This place is awesome and don't want it locked... and such a subject is extremely touchy to some people can could cause a flame war.
... Just my thoughts on that topic really. ^^'

 

[ACNiko]

I hope you all don't think I'm against sex before marriage, I just don't think it's weird to wait until after marriage either. Whenever you feel ready, right?

 

[KaptenK]

This^
In my personal experience I've had people who I really got on well with in the relationship but the sex with that person just wasn't right. You have to connect with someone sexually to truely make it last forever. Say you got married to someone you havent had sex with before and on the night of your wedding the sexual connection just wasn't there. What will you do then? only have sex when it feels like you kind of have to? Sex is more important in a relationship then a lot of people think. You realise when couple are having sex rarely or never that's when it goes downhill and they will either devorce or one will cheat on the other. But hey. Don't know why I'm getting involved in this conversation. I'm never getting married anyway. lol

(a little off-topic but)

I think it's good that there are a lot of different opinions about this here; people have different backgrounds, social situations and such. It is a very sensitive subject and I'm glad to see so many people respecting each other's opinions about it. It is very healthy to hear other's thoughts and even if you don't agree, you can still keep listening and widen your view. Makes me happy, that's all

 

[Fearthecuteness]

Anyways, can we all agree that if someone asks about sex before marriage or after marriage to leave out personal opinion and just make a pro-con list?
That way it is educational and not basis by someone's belief?
Since even those against waiting can surely list pros to waiting, and those against not waiting can surely list pros for not waiting.

This place is awesome and don't want it locked... and such a subject is extremely touchy to some people can could cause a flame war.
... Just my thoughts on that topic really. ^^'

Well said. I have nothing against sex before marriage I was just saying my experience about it. So next topic?

 

[fallenchaoskitten]

Well said. I have nothing against sex before marriage I was just saying my experience about it. So next topic?

Haha yeah. I mean, I am for waiting, but I know I can think of pros for not waiting. =3
I'd rather people make a logical decision based on facts presented that basis opinions by others. ^-^


...
Too many older people are online at this time, I think. So not as many juicy questions are being asked. XP