going away for college vs staying near home

[Rika092]

This is a strong yes from me. Personally, college has been one of the best four years of my life. I’ve made some of the best friends that I’m still really close to now, and the experience I had there is something that I would never trade for anything else with. I’d say the major difference between going to college vs pursuing a degree at home is the opportunity to networking. This is about getting to know people in your class who may end up being your coworkers, the professors who can write you recommendation letters for scholarships and later on when you apply for jobs, as well as making friends who share common interests with you, because in college there are a ton of clubs that you can join or even create a new one if you want to. College degree nowadays is very prevalent, so from career perspective I can tell you getting the degree is important but what ultimately helps with your career is whom you know. And the kind of exposure you get and the relationships you build in college, one simply cannot recreate with home schooling. As for your boyfriend, of course this is something that you will need to work with him on, but ultimately I feel like he should be supportive and respective of your decision. For financials, I presume you are exploring scholarship/financial options already - this is a big hard to say because everyone’s situation is obviously different and I’m in no position to make decision for you, but if U of Texas has a stellar program for the major you wanna pursue, it might still be worth it with student loans. A school with really strong major typically has excellent alumni support and probably have really well organized career fairs, and again, would make job hunting so much easier.

FYI- For reference, I went to a college that is slightly close to home but still far enough (~ 4 hrs driving) that would make it a hassle to go home every weekend and this was a intentional choice.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

I'm in the same situation as Riley (Midoriya), I'm currently about to graduate with my Bachelors from a college that is only about 35 min away from where my parents live. If I were in your situation I could definitely see how being that far away from home would give you some trouble, especially if you're close to your family (I personally have no issue being away from home because I really don't like it there at all, I would rather be at school in a dorm than live at home).

It can be really worrying to move that far away, one thing I can recommend is that you get in touch with your academic advisor (if you have one) and/or the university offices that deal with student affairs (at the college I go to there is the dean's office, the chaplain's office, a counseling center, the spectrum resource center for LGBT+ students, etc.) that way you have some sort of support system on campus even if you don't make friends.

as for debt, I've heard that the people who collect student debt usually go off of whatever your income is (as well as giving you a 6-month grace period) so making payments on your debt shouldn't be too big of an issue. it is a bit troublesome that going to a college out-of-state can cost so much more but it will likely still be managable. I'm currently at a college that charges about $27k per semester in total (I'm at a private college). if you apply for financial aid or even get scholarships that should help you pay off your tuition.

I am also scared of moving and being lonely. I have a hard time socializing and making friends irl as I believe I may be ND (currently in the process of seeking a diagnosis) and I have been this way since I was a child. I am afraid I will become one of those stories of people moving to college, making no friends, struggling and hating it, and having to move back home with massive debt behind them.

I wanted to quote this part in particular because I can really relate to this. I'm sure you've seen my posts all over this forum about me dealing w being autistic at a school that doesn't seem to care abt ND people (at least, they're not giving me proper accomodations for autistic issues). for me personally, yes I basically made no friends (I've only made two friends because I was forced into a room w them my sophomore year and we're more so acquaintances than "true" friends), yes I struggle a lot, yes I hate it, and yes I'm sure I'll be going home with a lot of debt (though not excessive debt cause I have a lot of scholarships as well as financial aid).

Also keep in mind that schools are often forced by law to comply with the Americans with Disabilities Act so if you know in advance what kind of accommodations you need let the universitiy's disability office know as soon as possible! this is the biggest issue I've had, I never contacted the Disability Office for academic help and that's prob why I'm struggling so much (though it doesn't solve the attendance issue I talked about yesterday). I would advise seeing if you can get into your own (single) room like I did, and if it's allowed you could also apply for an Emotional Support Animal to help with loneliness.

but I haven't lived to regret being in college in-person because, while yeah it's been a pretty terrible social experience, the academic experience has been really awesome. I've gotten a lot of opportunities to perform in ensembles and play recitals (ofc I'm a piano performance major so this is what I enjoy most) as well as get to know many music professors who share my love of music and desire to learn about it. being in college in person can offer tons of academic opportunities and experiences, and for that alone I would most definitely recommend being on campus (only thing is to make sure you get into smaller classes, the college I'm at is small anyways so getting in touch with professors wasn't an issue, I know it can be at some larger universities).
I'll be applying for grad school this fall for the 2022-2023 school year and I'm sure I'll go through the same issues yet again, but the academic experience and getting to spend all my time playing and studying piano and music in general will make it worth it imo.

another thing that might help is if you're giong to a regular university (like not a liberal arts college) then you know you'll get to focus solely on your degree. because I'm at a liberal arts school I've had to take so many extra classes that I hate (I'm currently in a theater class cause I need a fine arts credit that isn't music and I hate it so much). hopefully you don't/won't have to deal w that, since I assume that University of Texas is a public university and is not a liberal arts college.

 

[Millysaurusrexjr]

I moved from Washington State to Savannah, Georgia for art school. Me and my brother both decided to go to the same university. It was awesome although my parents decided to follow us to the other side of the country, they moved about 2 hours away from Savannah to Charleston, South Carolina. It was nice having them closer though! I think it's worth it to use college as an opportunity to move someplace new. A lot of people never leave the state they were born in and I think that's just unfortunate.

 

[Holla]

I both loved and hated it in a way.

I originally went to University straight out of high school and hated it in general. I didn’t fit in and the program I was in didn’t really lead to any real goal at the end. It was a 6+ hour drive away from home and I was really lonely and missed my parents a lot. I was only really able to visit them once that whole semester during the thanksgiving long weekend since it was so far away. I ended up quitting after one semester and returned home.

The following school year I went to college instead only 30mins away. It was a much better experience overall. I still lived there away from my parents but I could easy go back home every weekend and visit if I so chose. I lived in different places throughout my 3 years there and each had their pros and cons but I didn’t mind it too much since I could visit home pretty frequently.

 

[FireNinja1]

I mostly enjoyed my time at university away from home.

But, ultimately, I think it boils down to what you're looking to get out of transferring -- you should probably consider what UT's programs can afford you that you can't get at a university close to home, and then weigh that against the cons you've listed. What other people have experienced at completely different programs at completely different universities is at best a poor predictor of what your experience will be.

As far as I'm aware, UT does have very strong programs in many different areas, but nobody in this thread can (nor should attempt to) perfectly answer your concerns about your boyfriend, your grandparents, or your finances.

 

[cIementine]

i'm from the uk, where living away from home for uni is never more than a few hours away and student debt thankfully isn't really an issue for me, but i can relate to a lot of your struggles. i'm in my first year of uni and i moved from my relatively small town in the middle of the country to central london. this time last year i was sat debating between where i study in london versus a school in a small uni town further away from home that felt cosier, safer, and more 'possible' for my anxiety. i figured if i didn't try london i would regret it, even though the idea of moving to such a big city was my biggest fear, and i spent most of the summer sick with anxiety at the thought of going. i remember the day i moved and i felt my fear literally evaporate - i was so excited, felt so suddenly capable, and really felt like i took advantage of the start of my uni experience, even with the world as it is. i can't imagine having not done this, and feel privileged to be able to have done so as when i was applying to schools, i was in the midst of a family issue where i thought i'd have to stay home and commute to a nearby uni to look after a family member. deep down i knew i wanted to move out and get out of my comfort zone even if it horrified me - i knew the regret would be worse than any anxiety i feel.

sadly my anxiety has been worse this semester, but i've been lucky to be able to meet so many wonderful friends, even as someone who was quieter in school and has always had small groups of friends. i think you will find your people, and a great way i did this was through group chats for my cohort and making individual friendships from those. in times like these especially, everyone is in the same boat and using the online circumstances to find friendships. i wouldn't have the confidence to seek help for and persevere through my anxiety without their support and the confidence i've gained from my independence.

as much as your boyfriend is important to you now, and may continue to be in the future, i don't recommend making decisions based on relationships. it's not something anyone wants to have the foresight to consider, especially in the midst of a happy and fulfilling relationship, but relationships are often temporary - the trajectory of your life and the implications of the path you choose are not. you could still maintain your relationship if you move away through long distance.

i can only comment from a lifestyle and anxiety-based perspective - i can't fully grasp the student debt aspect or how you will manage your medication. i think if i was in your position, debt would have a big impact on my decision, but if it's something that you are financially able to and willing to deal with, i would move away. life is short! and you'd be in debt either way.

 

[sleepydreepy]

Im a recent graduate who went to college halfway across the country from where I lived (lived in Texas, went to college in Massachusetts) and I absolutely loved it. I went because I honestly hated my life in high school and at home and wanted a big change, plus the college I got into was very prestigious. I am super glad I did go because I learned so much (academically and also about life) and met my three best friends there. Having this experience was essential to me growing as a person, and I encourage you to do the same. In your case, living 12 hours away isn't too bad, and you can always drive home on weekends or for breaks, and in case of an emergency. I'm sure you will find friends too- there are all sorts of people at college (especially in a big university like UT) and I'm sure you'll find someone you relate to. Leaving your parents can be difficult, but you will have to do so eventually, and college is a great time to test that out and figure out how to "adult" on your own.

I think your biggest problem would be student debt over everything else you mentioned, and I can't really speak for that, so I guess you'd have to do some research and calculations. Make sure you can get through school ok, and then see if you can line up a job through resources at your university after you graduate (take into consideration the resources UT offers for your major and how that will affect your future career options vs your current school). Usually colleges have some sort of career center you can make an appointment with and use! I wish you all the best <3

 

[biibii]

well…im moving away from home the 21st of august. im using this kind of like a diary entry to speak my mind. i am worried. i am worried that the academics will be too hard and i will struggle in school as i try to find my way in the world, and feel discouraged. im worried i will be lonely. im worried about my debt, and my responsibilities. im worried my boyfriend will find someone else to love and it wont be me. im worried about my grandparents growing older, and longing for their company. as for on the other hand, im excited! im excited to be away from my toxic household for the first time. im excited to be in a completely new city where nobody knows me and i can truly be myself. im excited to dress the way i want and feel independence, and im excited to explore the city. i do feel heartbroken upon seeing my boyfriend cry as i packed, but i kept trying to make him smile to make even a painful memory have some semblance of happiness in it. i feel icky thinking today may have been our last full day together, as well as knowing i said “see you later” to one of my best friends today, and the other on saturday. my heart is hurting tonight but i hope to see where i will be at in a month or two. thank you for helping me make my decision friends

 

[amemome]

I voted for both No options; I thought there were clear pros and cons to staying at a hometown university. I both liked and regretted staying close to home. For me, the cons were mostly for me as a person and as an adult (whatever that means financially, health-wise, and identity-wise). Hopefully you're more social and up to the challenge (I definitely wasn't) and best of luck in upper education!

Pros:

• The local university is a good school
  • Because it's a good school, the quality of my education was good.
• A large handful of my high school friends also went to the university, meaning I had a support network
  • Because it's a good school, lots of friends ended up choosing to attend it. That meant I had an immediate support network going into school.
• Local university = saved money
  • Not talking about Room & Board (I lived out for 3 of my 4 years at University). I'm talking about In-State tuition. About half the price to attend in-state vs out-of-state.
• Already familiar with the town
  • I already knew where the good areas were in town and where the sketchy areas were. No struggling around the town. I knew what buses I had to take to get from here to there.
• Could rely on parents
  • If I needed my winter clothes (LOL, you can tell I am not from Texas) or anything I left at home, I could always drive home and get it. I could rely on my parents to help me get to classes or buy groceries. I could rely on them to help me make rent if I needed it.

Cons:

• I never left my comfort zone
  • A bad thing about being at a home university is that I was too comfortable being how I was straight out of high school. There was no need to really rediscover myself as an adult. It took me a lot longer to explore my identity due to not wanting to be outed by anyone random I knew from high school. I also didn't make too many friends in University because I didn't need to -- I could just hang out with my high school friends.
• My parents were helicopters and being close to home enabled their overbearing behavior
  • They liked to (and still) hover over my life. I felt that I wasn't allowed to grow up and start taking financial or medical responsibility because they micromanaged my life. Socially, I never felt like I could meet a partner due to how much input they'd have on who I was hanging out with or had romantic interest in. If I went somewhere further away, it would have limited how much they could contact me every day and I think I would have been able to grow up more.
• It can get boring
  • Depending on the neighborhood, some things change slowly. And that means you go to the same places over and over again because there aren't any other options. My town is getting gentrified which means all of the quirky stores around town are disappearing in favor of expensive student living. That makes this town boring since there's even less to do.

 

[tiffanistarr]

well…im moving away from home the 21st of august. im using this kind of like a diary entry to speak my mind. i am worried. i am worried that the academics will be too hard and i will struggle in school as i try to find my way in the world, and feel discouraged. im worried i will be lonely. im worried about my debt, and my responsibilities. im worried my boyfriend will find someone else to love and it wont be me. im worried about my grandparents growing older, and longing for their company. as for on the other hand, im excited! im excited to be away from my toxic household for the first time. im excited to be in a completely new city where nobody knows me and i can truly be myself. im excited to dress the way i want and feel independence, and im excited to explore the city. i do feel heartbroken upon seeing my boyfriend cry as i packed, but i kept trying to make him smile to make even a painful memory have some semblance of happiness in it. i feel icky thinking today may have been our last full day together, as well as knowing i said “see you later” to one of my best friends today, and the other on saturday. my heart is hurting tonight but i hope to see where i will be at in a month or two. thank you for helping me make my decision friends

you are strong and I am proud of you I hope you and your boyfriend can make lots of time for each other when you can!

 

[Lady Timpani]

I stayed at home for college and while ultimately I think it was the best choice for me, I wouldn't have minded giving a farther away college a try. My biggest regret with college is not getting involved in student life more; aside from a frat I was apart of I literally went to classes and went home, so unfortunately I didn't make very many or very close friends in school. I am glad I don't have as much debt as I could have had, though, and knowing myself I don't know that going away would have helped with the socialization problem-- I actually think there's a good chance I would have wound up transferring back home.

Are there any scholarships you could apply for to help ease the financial burden on yourself? It sounds like this is something you really want to do, and if you're sure about it I would definitely try to make it happen. Depending on the career you pursue it's also possible to have your employer for give some or even all of your student debt. Idk what you're planning to do but if you're planning on working for the government that might be another avenue for you to pursue.

 

[MadisonBristol]

I didn't go that far away, just a half hour drive. Though I can't drive and my hometown is very disconnected (over 4 hours by bus and train) so my mom would sometimes have to visit me. I did miss home, but I did love being on my own. Though now I'm going to another college down the street from my house and it will probably be convenient but I miss having my own dorm. And living somewhere outside my hometown that I hate so much.

 

[Soigne]

i regret not going away to college. my four years were spent 10 minutes from my house and i never once felt like i was a good fit at my school. i only stayed because i believed that i would be saving money, but the difference in cost between where i went (private) and a public state school i could have gone to was negligible.

do what is best for you and your circumstances, though. i know many who stayed local and preferred to be with family. i know many who left and never came back.

 

[Ichiban]

I'd rather be able to go away for my studies but I don't have the financial security to be able to that so I've stayed local

 

[Wish]

I moved away for college at 18 all by myself to cut ties with my family. I worked 30 hours a week and was a fulltime student. I still have some debt now but I would not change a thing about it. I had the biggest peace of mind of my life at that point in time because I finally had the option to make a decision fully for myself

 

[tomatospooks666]

wherever i go for college, it absolutely has to be away from my family, i tend to hate being around most of them.

 

[Neb]

Sort of. I moved to a larger city in my state with one of my moms. I was already familiar with the area since I visited often as a child. There wasn’t really much of a choice. Housing is extremely expensive in my state and I couldn’t find a well paying job to have while I go to school.

The convenience is nice. I can access a ton of restaurants and books stores within a 2 mile radius. There are great views of the mountain and river too. I’m just kind of sick of the urban sprawl. When everything is grey it can kind of take a toll on your mental health after a while. I crave greenery.

I’m glad I made the decision. Even if I had the option I’d still say staying with one of my moms was the right choice. I can focus on my schoolwork instead of whether I can pay the rent. I definitely want to get my own place once I can find a stable job, but this will work for the time being.