College...yay or nay?

[your local goomy]

Hey guys, it's me, asking for advice again, this time regarding my current status as a college student. To be blunt and keep things TBT-friendly, I had to leave school for a little over a week to go to a hospital and get stabilized because of how badly my classes were stressing me out. That's all I'll say about it. Now I'm back in my dorm, trying to mentally prepare for the week to begin again...and I seriously don't think I can do it. I'm dreading it and don't want to go to sleep because of it. Now, in order to fully understand my situation, I have to explain a bit. It's not supposed to be my sob story or anything, I'm just giving context.

I'm currently a first-semester sophomore at a very small college. On the outside, everything looks great: my grades are okay, I go to all my classes, I'm in the honors program...great, right? Well, on the inside, it's not. I suffer from debilitating depression that has grown stronger this semester and is starting to turn into apathy, lethargy, and even a bit of nihilism. I'm falling behind on coursework and my dorm room is a mess because I haven't had motivation to do anything other than just go to class sit there. I genuinely had a passion for writing, but starting school has sort of...erased it. I'm gaining an alarming amount of weight to the point where my doctor is very concerned. I'm legitimately struggling with my chemistry class, even with two tutors, and I hate my 3.5 hour lab every Tuesday.

Though, there's one benefit: my major. I'm an environmental science major who hopes to work as a zoologist in the future. I have a passion for animals and the outdoors, and I'm wondering if I should suffer through 2 1/2 more years in hopes of finding my dream job. I want to leave my hick town, leave my parents, and explore the world and find my own place. Though, this is the only benefit I can find. Other than that, it stinks.

I've talked to everyone I can, but my social circle is very small. My parents are very overbearing and think they know me more than I know myself. With my recent time in the hospital, they've been even worse. They're who I'd live with if I left. I'm in a very unstable, long-distance relationship. The few friends I have are all from my school, so if I left, I'd have to start over and try to introduce myself to others again. It would be a while before I could get my own place. Money also concerns me, especially since I do plan on getting pets...I don't want to have to live paycheck to paycheck, y'know? That, and I was hoping to find a job that would give me some kind of purpose in life and make me feel better about myself, but I can't...find any. I'm really stuck in between a rock and a hard place, and exhausting all my resources, I decided to come here since the final decision is mine and has to be made by November, which isn't that far away. I'm doing a lot of thinking, but...what would you advise I do? Stay in school or pursue another path in life? All advice accepted!

 

[Foreverfox]

I want to commend you for putting this question out there. It's one thing to debate it in your head, but it's another to actually write it out. I would like to think on this some tomorrow and PM you my thoughts, if that's okay? In the meantime, I hope you start to find little things that help each day become a little better and brighter.

 

[a potato]

I think it might be worth taking some time off, especially since now is such an overall stressful, uncertain time due to a certain major global event. I just graduated this spring, and in one of my classes, we talked about how the experience has changed for new students. It’ll be interesting to see how things change moving forward, but I digress.

I recently made a similar decision in deciding not to attend grad school literally a week before I was supposed to start. If it doesn’t feel right, I highly suggest stepping away for at least a semester. There’s no shame in stepping away, reflecting, and moving forward accordingly. The school will always be there no matter what you decide!

I hope you’re able to reach the decision that works the best for you. It’s definitely a tough one to get through. I’m happy to talk more about my experiences if you feel that would help.

 

[Jacob]

Well, breaking down the post here- "What would you advise I do? Stay in school or pursue another path in life?"

This all depends on what you believe your path is. From the second paragraph "I'm an environmental science major who hopes to work as a zoologist in the future. I have a passion for animals and the outdoors, and I'm wondering if I should suffer through 2 1/2 more years in hopes of finding my dream job."
I strongly recommend looking at places you could see yourself working in the future and reach out to a hiring agent/PR person/etc. (I don't know the hiring process for zoology). Find out if you need a degree to get your foot in the door. It is entirely possible for you to get your dream job by securing an internship first and making those connections/a good impression.

Now, my personal suggestion is to stay in school and get that degree. Working with animals seems like something you really should get an education for if you want to make a living off of it.
"My grades are okay, I go to all my classes, I'm in the honors program." Find out where you are overworking yourself. If you are in the honors program, is this something you feasibly can take a step back from? While it is impressive on a resume, if it is holding you back (Hospitalizing you, even), you need to let go of that pressure. Let go of the need to be a great student, maybe. C's do get degrees. From the looks of it, you aren't necessarily thinking about grad schools right now, so don't worry about getting fantastic grades, just do what you can to pass.


Personal advice, you sound like you could use a therapist. The lack of motivation to do anything beyond going to class calls for some professional help. A lot of campuses offer therapy for students so please please look into that. Mental health is definitely something you want to stay on top of! Going home to your parents sounds like something you won't benefit from, and you look like you want to be off on your own after college, so you should get used to seeking help for yourself when you need it.

That being said, go to office hours and have a really serious chat with your Chemistry teacher, if you haven't done that yet. Then, go talk to your academic advisor and let them know what's going on. Midterm season is a pain in the ass. This is something I have done in the past and was extremely helpful. Go every week, even. The professors are there to help you. Look into your class syllabus to see if there is any mental health accommodations thats can be made, a lot of universities require that of professors, as well as puts them through training for this sort of thing.

Some legitimate alternative options if nothing else helps; Drop the classes and retake them another time, go remote and do classes from home to save money, join study groups with other students, or take a break away from college! All of these are perfectly healthy options. I definitely recommend getting a second opinion from an advisor or a therapist before deciding anything.

Please hang in there and get that degree if you can! You listed out two passions just within this post (Animal-life/Outdoors and Writing) which is really really rare for a lot of people. Don't give up on those passions!


Sorry if any of this was blunt, I'm word vomiting because I've been in a very similar situation. I was hospitalized my freshman year for seemingly similar reasons. I stuck with it, and am finishing my degree this year with an added minor on top of it. It's very much possible through taking good care of yourself. Cheers!

 

[Croconaw]

I have very strong opinions regarding college. Regardless of what anyone tries to tell you, college is not necessary. You’re taught in high school that you need to go to college and that it’s beneficial, but it is not for everyone. You do not need to go to college to live a good life, and you can get a high paying job without attending college. This is the truth and so many people only attend college because they think it’s the right thing to do. Schools preach what they want you to believe. It’s all part of the curriculum.

My question for you is, have you considered dropping out of college? I’m asking because you don’t seem to be enjoying yourself. You don’t have to stay in a situation you aren’t happy in. You can break up in relationships, friendships, jobs, or in college. There is nothing wrong with leaving if you are not happy. During my senior year of high school, I insisted that college wasn’t my thing. A lot of the teachers and guidance counselors urged me to rethink my decisions, but I didn’t buy in to their manipulation tactics. I’m not saying college is bad, but it’s not for everyone. College level debt is not fun if you don’t even want to be there.

I want you to think about what you want to do, and I’m serious. That’s a real simple question, but think long and hard. You know those things you think about at night? I’m talking about the things you dream of doing, or places you wish to see. Those are the things you should be pursuing. You really need to think about what you want to do. Forget college for a minute, and forget school. Forget everything, and think about you. What would you be doing with your life if money weren’t an issue? That is what you should be pursuing. Don’t chase money. Chase what makes you happy. In the end, money isn’t real. It’s a means of exchange, or a currency. Those things you achieve, with money or not, are real. Chase those things in life, and think of yourself.

 

[TheSillyPuppy]

You're very brave for putting this question out there. Personally, I had a lot of moments in university where I could have made my life a lot easier for myself, both academically and personally, if I had just asked for a second opinion!

I come from a STEM (engineering) background, so there's my bias upfront. Since it sounds like you know what direction you would like to head down career-wise in life, I'd definitely look into whether or not zoologists have alternative pathways to land this type of role. What services does your school have in place so you can start figuring this out (e.g. a career center, alumni that you could reach out to to start figuring this out)?

In my case, if I were to work in a traditional chemical or process engineering role, I would definitely need the Bachelor's of Engineering/Applied Science to even get my foot in the door. However, in the industry I'm currently working in (software development/high-tech), the general trend is moving towards being more accepting of non-traditional job applicants. Personally, I would venture a guess to assume that zoology falls more into the category of a professional discipline like engineering, so the getting a related degree is probably a prerequisite.

However, that isn't to say taking a semester or two off (or even a year) is a bad option. Sure, it will delay your graduation date, but as I said before, you have to put your own wellbeing above all else. Post-secondary is stressful on its own; throw a global pandemic into the mix, and you've got a fine mess—to put it mildly. I keep in touch with one of my chem eng profs, and they're reporting higher reports of mental health issues with students and having to put in that additional emotional labour to ensure their students are hanging in there. It's a lot for everyone to deal with—both from a student and faculty perspective.

On the academics side, specifically on the time management front, learn to prioritize aggressively. I'm a perfectionist, so this was a hard lesson for me to learn. In reality, not every deliverable is of equal importance, and at the end of the day, you have to put yourself first because if you're unwell, then it's game over. If there are concepts you're struggling to grasp, please make use of your professors' and/or teaching assistants' office hours so you can minimize the amount of headbanging you go through yourself. From personal experience, sometimes, all you need is for a concept to be explained a couple more times or with slightly different wording for it to click in. As long as they see that you've put in the time to try understanding the material on your own (and you're not simply asking them to give you another lecture on whatever topic), oftentimes, they will be more than happy to help. It also helps them put a face to your student ID; connections are so important, and you never know when knowing a specific faculty member could help you later down the road in life.

There were times when I questioned my abilities, intelligence, etc. and seriously considered dropping out of chem eng. What kept me going? My school's co-op/internship program, stubbornness, fear of disappointing my parents, the friend group I made in my program, and sunk-cost fallacy. Not saying these are all healthy reasons to keep pushing through, but these are the things that pushed me to keep moving forward in the face of adversity.

Physical health-wise, please continue working with your doctor. Weight gain can mean a lot of things, so it's important to figure out what your body is trying to signal to you with the help of a medical professional. Mental health-wise, what support systems exist in your school that your tuition fees may already cover (e.g. counselling or therapy services)? With your student status, you may be eligible for somewhat better rates on seeing a therapist, psychologist, etc., even if they're a private practice. You could get a doctor's note, which you could use to inform all your professors of what you're currently experiencing mentally. While I can't guarantee all professors will be super receptive, at least they will have this information in documentation, which will make it easier for you down the road if you ever need to defend your academic standing (worst-case scenario).

I wish you success in coming to a decision that you will be content with. Feel free to PM me if there's anything I mentioned that you would like to deep-dive into.

 

[your local goomy]

Hey all, thanks for your advice! For those talking about counseling, I should mention that I'm already enrolled in my school's counseling program, so I am getting some forms of help. However, reading your thoughts and conversing with others has me thinking that it's time to leave my school and pursue other programs. I've started to look into alternatives, mainly stuff that isn't a traditional four-year degree because honestly, a liberal arts degree is exhausting me and I'm sick of taking all these "core" classes that I don't need. Currently I'm only taking one class that meets the needs of my majors and upon checking my grades, my poor mental health has me failing three of them. I've been looking into a six-month, online certification program that would allow me to work in aquariums and zoos and if I can't get funding, I'll just go home and work until I can pay it off. This semester has really just been biting me in the butt and I already missed an online class because my computer just decided to break on me and by the time I got everything started up, the link had already expired. I'm just about fed up with this school and if I do continue my education, it's not going to be here.

EDIT: I tried to explain this to my mom and she basically just called me lazy for not wanting to put effort into a four-year degree despite me taking 18 credits this semester and working to the point of physical and mental exhaustion. I'm seriously not sure what to do at this point. My mental health isn't good enough to think straight, the school's support system is crap, and I'm stuck in between a rock and a hard place here.

 

[.: Meri :.]

At the very least, I'm glad you were able to find an alternative option. This sounds like a much better and healthier option for you, and I wish you the best in pursuing it—I'm just sorry that I can't give you better advice on how to do so. ;; I'm really sorry that your mother is being so horrible about it though. I hope you can work things out with the certification program, and that things will start looking up for you soon. No matter what anyone says, you're certainly far from lazy—despite everything you've been through recently, you're still trying to forge a path for yourself to the future you want. That takes a lot of strength.

If it helps to hear at all, you're not alone in this, and college really wasn't good for me either—I was only taking the bare minimum of classes needed to be considered a full-time student, went in with the mindset to just focus on completing assignments without being a perfectionist about them, and was still making good grades. But the workload was completely overwhelming me, no matter how well I managed my time. The classes I had to take weren't teaching me skills I needed, and oftentimes they felt like they were pushing me towards careers I actively didn't want.

Even though I was only there for less than a semester, my mental health took a steep decline. I had every expectation that it would be a little rough at first, but that I'd get used to it and really come to enjoy it... but that never happened. My mental health was the worst it's ever been; I was horribly depressed and was having very regular, exhausting panic attacks. I was honestly afraid of the direction I saw myself heading in, so I dropped out and didn't even bother with most of my finals.

I also had a serious passion for writing, and before I got into college, I could easily spend hours a day on it with no problem. But I can't anymore and haven't been able to since—I get tired and burnt out incredibly easily now, and it's deeply, deeply frustrating. I really hate that I lost that spark in college, and while I'm still trying to get mine back (I'm hoping to find some professional help soon), I hope you have a much easier time regaining yours.

I wish I could be more helpful with all this. Hang in there.

 

[kayleee]

It sounds like you are in a really tough situation, and I'm really sorry to hear that. Mental health is important and I know how debilitating it can be when your mental health is suffering. If sticking with school and pushing through is too much right now, I think you should take a break and return to it when you are ready. It sounds like you are very passionate about your major, so I don't think quitting school permanently is the answer.

When I was in college, there were a couple semesters where I took only one or two classes when I was feeling like a full course-load was too much. This might be a good option for you if you don't want to move back home, and would allow you to stay near friends/etc. but also give you a bit of a break and hopefully lessen your stress.

 

[your local goomy]

I’m thinking of just leaving school again. There’s no other programs that interest me, and upon looking and realizing that most zoology jobs are currently either volunteer work or pay very little, I just kinda collapsed and lost any passion that I had for my major or nature in general. I guess school has been hurting me so much that I don’t feel anything anymore. At this point I’m just in it for the money. I’d rather be miserable and make 45k a year than be miserable and make minimum wage and be stuck with my parents. I’m being really pessimistic about this, but it’s because any optimistic outlook in life has just led to disappointment.

 

[sleepydreepy]

I’m thinking of just leaving school again. There’s no other programs that interest me, and upon looking and realizing that most zoology jobs are currently either volunteer work or pay very little, I just kinda collapsed and lost any passion that I had for my major or nature in general. I guess school has been hurting me so much that I don’t feel anything anymore. At this point I’m just in it for the money. I’d rather be miserable and make 45k a year than be miserable and make minimum wage and be stuck with my parents. I’m being really pessimistic about this, but it’s because any optimistic outlook in life has just led to disappointment.

that sucks so bad, but other people have given some great tips in most of the posts here, and it seems you are doing the right thing by getting help via counseling and thinking about taking a leave of absence from school to take care of yourself (even if your mom doesn't understand why). I was also a biology major who took a lot of ecology classes and at one point I wanted to be a marine biologist. I recently came across this one youtuber theamandafiles who does a lot of animal crossing content and also works with reptiles full time at the Amphibian Foundation in Georgia. I would encourage you to check out her channel cause in some of her villager hunting videos she talks about her work and gives career info and maybe you could join her discord or something. Here is one video where she talks about meeting one of her heros in a really cool trip she took to the Amazon rainforest and how she got there and what you can do to get there too in this field if that makes sense haha.

I hope this helps, I've been there too and I know how helpless you can feel but you are not alone and I will be thinking about you <3

 

[Reginald Fairfield]

I’m thinking of just leaving school again. There’s no other programs that interest me, and upon looking and realizing that most zoology jobs are currently either volunteer work or pay very little, I just kinda collapsed and lost any passion that I had for my major or nature in general. I guess school has been hurting me so much that I don’t feel anything anymore. At this point I’m just in it for the money. I’d rather be miserable and make 45k a year than be miserable and make minimum wage and be stuck with my parents. I’m being really pessimistic about this, but it’s because any optimistic outlook in life has just led to disappointment.

It's possible to be miserable and make minimum wage and be in a decent studio apartment with wacky neighbors that can entertain you, but most likely wont.

 

[shellbell]

Hey goomy, what you're experiencing sounds a lot like me when i was in university (lack of interest, worried about financial future, depression, unhappy with my school, etc) long story short, I never completed my 4 year course. Mainly due to not really needing a degree for the kind of job I wanted to do. Also having a good support system really does wonders. You mentioned counselling, that's good! and you're putting this on here, also good! A lot of us will support and help you and I think the smallest gestures can help, so don't despair.
Like Jacob said earlier, it really depends on which path you want to take, some careers are really better off with a degree. That being said, a lot of placements don't really care where you got a degree from, just that you have one. So you might be good on just half assing somewhere cheap instead of going for valedictorian at a renowned place
Now coincidentally, I was researching different universities that offer the same course names/majors and found it really varies how they handle teaching the subject as well as the overall atmosphere of the school (like, one of the top schools I researched had a student depression rate of over 70% and 50% have thoughts of suicide ) Some schools teach more practical skill and others expect you to have those skills coming in and teach more theoretical stuff. Some schools tend to have more lax setups and others have competitive small classrooms. Teach:student ratio differs as well. I think you should look into the methodology of the school you're interested in and see if it's a good fit for you instead of just picking a place that has courses that you like. It's somewhere you'll spend a big chunk of your life in so prioritizing take care of your overall mental mood is important.
I see that you mentioned you like writing, and seem driven enough to put it in your signature for others to see. Would you consider a path in writing?
It's totally ok to take some gap years and decide to go back for an education later after you've grown more into yourself. Not everyone knows exactly what we want to do with our lives at age 20

 

[TillyGoesMeow]

Oh my gosh, I had the exact same thing happen. After my first sophomore semester I took the next semester off and went home (it was a very rough year for me I had resigned and everything). I needed to reevaluate my strategies and what I wanted to do. Afterwards, I took two years of credits at online community college to transfer back later & im graduating this fall with my bachelors!
I tell people this all the time, sometimes you NEED a break to consider your options and rest. You don’t really get that if you’ve jumped right into college. My partner is taking two credits a semester and going at his own pace. Just do what feels right for you. Everyone is so different if taking a break is right for you, don’t be scared to do it! You’ve already gotten through a year and a half, which is amazing.
Another option of course is transferring like others have mentioned. My best friend and I went to the same college first year (she’s also a writing major!) then left because that college just wasn’t right for her at all. Whatever you decide to do let me know if you need any help! They really make dealing with all of that a little more complicated than necessary IMO.

 

[Megaroni]

I'm not gonna give advice cause I'm young and not qualified to know the best thing to do in this situation, but I just wanna let you know to hang in there. If anything know that you're not alone and while we're basically strangers, if you ever need to vent I'm happy to listen. So many people have been through similar things. I'm not saying this to downplay your feelings, but to let you know that you're not gonna be stuck in this situation and you will find a way out. It might feel unbearable now but your future self is proud of you for getting through it as best you can

 

[Neb]

I’m going through the same thing right now. College classes are extremely fast paced and difficult. If you’re not fully prepared, mentally or physically, it can simply be too much. This is especially true during mental health crises. I’d say either cut the number of classes down or just take a break altogether. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to take college at your own pace!

 

[piichinu]

see a psychiatrist or whatever you’d need

honestly i take semesters off all the time since i go a little crazy sometimes as a treat

if you don’t do well in a class just retake it when you work out your issues or feel better

idk if small colleges offer this, but big public university let you retake a class, calculate your GPA with the better score, and then keep both on ur transcript

im one of the people with a genuine fear of poverty and to me living paycheck to paycheck seems like hell and torture and misery and way too uncertain for my liking (there are ways to be successful financially without college tho)

oh yeah to answer your question you should complete ur degree because u stated a passion which requires a degree. i don’t think it’s nearly as competitive as medical schools or some grad schools or law schools so that might ease ur stress a bit (also which chemistry is it? gen chem or higher?)

—
oo i just saw your update. i think you shouldn’t make serious decisions before you get help for your mental state. depression or whatever else you may have are diseases that eat away at ur mind and body. GL

 

[your local goomy]

Just an update of sorts, my GPA is pretty low and I probably won't get my scholarship. I'm currently in contact with the dean of my school, and if I can't work things out with her, I decided that I'm going to go home. I'm going to try to finish the semester, at least. I just hope that my GPA doesn't get so low that they put me on academic probation in case I decide to go back.

 

[DJStarstryker]

A lot of people don't end up in the job that they thought they might when they were a kid. They even might end up in a completely different job from the field that they majored in for college. Don't let the possibility of changing your path to something else scare you. It's incredibly common.

I think your depression and your relationship with your parents are your biggest problems, like some others have said. Your parents' overbearingness might even be contributing a lot to your depression. You might have to set boundaries with them. Like "Hey mom and dad, I love you and I do appreciate your advice, but I'm an adult now and need to start figuring out my own life path." They may not take that very well. Some parents don't. But they need to understand that things have changed now and you're your own person.

 

[visibleghost]

honestly, you can go to college at any age. if it is too much for you right now, you could quit and go back when you feel more ready and your mental health is better, may that be next year, in five years or more. ending up in the hospital due to stress from college is not worth it and feeling that terrible while in school will most likely not help you learn or get you good grades, i know, i've been there although in high school. of course you don't have to go back ever if you feel that is a better option for you.

hope you feel better in time and get the help you need!