What's Bothering You?

SAAAAAAAAAAAAME

And a game I have been waiting for forever could come out in a few hours, but it also may not come until Tuesday. 😭
 
“We apologize, but your return processing has been delayed beyond the normal timeframe.”

Especially since it makes me think I did something wrong. I got accepted on January 31st and not approved yet.
 
tomorrow morning, i'm taking our cat to the vet. he has a rotten tooth, so needs at least one removed, and since his gums bled the other day, probably has gingivitis too. the vet quoted us between £200-£500 depending on how long he's under anesthetic for, which i'm paying out of my own pocket for (+ a £200 loan from my nan, just in case it does go all the way up to £500) because there's no way in hell my mom's going to take him, and she even admonished me for doing so as if it wouldn't cost more when his issues inevitably get worse. this cat is not my own, he's a family cat that we got when i was around 12 and therefore should be my parents' responsibility, but i'm obviously not going to sit here and let him be in pain (or risk having his gingivitis turn into periodontitis if it hasn't already) just because they won't/can't take him. i am almost guaranteed to never get this money back. i still haven't been paid back for taking one of our other cats to the vet when he hurt his paw. (which was a much smaller cost of only around £70.) which brings me to what's actually bothering me: despite me about to go completely broke paying for his vet care, my mom still has the nerve to ask me to buy flea treatment for all five cats and to partly pay for cat litter and food (since one of the kittens is mine) like i have been recently. i'm sorry ??? yes, okay, it was my idea to partially pay for food and litter, but i am literally about to pay hundreds to take her cat to the vet, and she can't even let me off a couple pounds for a little while ??? i know money's tight at the minute, which is probably partly why she'd never take sam (or any of the others) to the vet unless they were very visibly injured or in pain, but come on.

just as i was writing this, she literally came upstairs asking to borrow money from me, and then threw a little sulk when i pointed out that i am literally going broke over her cat tomorrow. apparently she isn't just asking me to partly pay for food/litter, she wants me to pay the entire cost, i'm-
 
absolutely obsessed (read: disgusted) with bozo johnscum basically being like, "okay, you can all die now". thought it was a joke when my girlfriend told me about it this morning, but, no, turns out he really could get more idiotic, ignorant and useless. guess it's alright for him and all his pathetic little rich cronies who can afford testing and private medical care though, huh? screw the rest of us. jesus christ. how have we not just rioted this absolute moron out of parliament already?
 
I had this bizzare creepy dream the other night and I keep thinking about it. I mean maybe it would help if we knew more about dreams in general so I would understand what it was about. I do think dreams have purpose and aren't completely random.
 
I can’t sleep
A pharmacist suggested melatonin.
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a little worried about my safety, but its my fault for not doing anything sooner despite all logic and advice. just gotta survive the next 7 months lol. why did i let this go on for so long .-. at least my new job will help fund counseling
It sounds like someone is after you.
 
lowkey thinking abt bleaching my hair and dyeing it like a pastel pink or smth (ty @/Chris for the idea lol) but I've always been so terrified of dyeing my hair, only reason I'm considering it now is bc it's really short and if I end up not liking it'll go back to normal within a few months anyways. definitely won't be bleaching it myself lol I would prob burn it off 😭
I also want to bleach my hair and dye it, but I want pastel or electric purple (of course). I want like a balayage or a layer underneath done. Maybe now is the perfect time since I won't be at work for a while and they can't judge me for it lmao
 
therapy emailed to say i'm ready to have an appointment, but not only is it with a male therapist (so i wouldn't be comfortable discussing anything), it's a telephone call. the level of incompetence is truly just-
 
family members on fb trying to give me life advice as if I haven't been suffering with depression for 5+ years make me so mad. they make it sound like the solution to all my problems is dangling right in front of me and I'm not willing to reach for it. idk maybe they think I like being depressed lol. yeah I love basically having a debilitating illness yall thanks.

also love when people say **** like "don't let your autism/disability define you" like wtf does that even mean????? and again it always comes from ppl who aren't chronically disabled, as if they know everything.
 
Some people are just deliberately rude?? I swear some people shouldn’t be in customer service lol.
 
Mom taking one of my avocados... thanks I was gonna make guac tonight but I'll just mash it as is in the tortillas then :( .... buying a cucumber for me won't really help lmao.

Also when stores has one stock online and an entirely other in store like.. bruh. :/
 
today is the first day I've tried the higher dose of Fluoxetine and now I'm dealing with tremors, they're really mild but I can literally feel my whole body shaking like I'm having an adrenaline rush but without the perpetual anxiety or racing heartbeat. idk what to do lol. guess I need to tell my doctor.
 
brother's girlfriend is obnoxious. i can hear them talking in his room next door, and she's going on about how, "people who smoke are disgusting" and how the exhale or w/e from vaping smells nice. not only is vaping also bad for your health, but who is she to judge and definitively label people who smoke lmao? yeah, i despise smoking too, and i hate it when people smoke right next to me without any care, but i don't go around saying smokers are disgusting because smoking is an addiction and i don't know their struggles or story. jesus. she's got super judgmental vibes for someone my brother claims isn't.
 
today is the first day I've tried the higher dose of Fluoxetine and now I'm dealing with tremors, they're really mild but I can literally feel my whole body shaking like I'm having an adrenaline rush but without the perpetual anxiety or racing heartbeat. idk what to do lol. guess I need to tell my doctor.
I think that would be a good idea. Although it does take a while for the body to get used to this medicine, you should see the doctor if you don't see any improvement. I used to take 20 mg(?) of Prozac. However, it wouldn't let me stay asleep. That is if I even fell asleep at all. The psychiatrist had to lower the dosage when I told him. The side effects went away after that.
 
I’m pretty sure the painkillers I’m on make me super irritable sometimes. Like I get really angry at minor things sometimes. My family is gonna have so much fun with this lol
 
I think that would be a good idea. Although it does take a while for the body to get used to this medicine, you should see the doctor if you don't see any improvement. I used to take 20 mg(?) of Prozac. However, it wouldn't let me stay asleep. That is if I even fell asleep at all. The psychiatrist had to lower the dosage when I told him. The side effects went away after that.
I've been taking Prozac since July, tried 10mg forever and then I realized it wasn't really helping so the doctor upped it to 20 about a month ago, worked for like two days and then it didn't, and today is the first day I'm taking the highest dose. doctor said he wanted to try that before he decides to put me on something different just to see if there's any improvement.

I would hate to have to try something new bc it'll be like the 5th antidepressant I've tried with no/minimal success.
 
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