What's Bothering You?

Ever since that block I’ve heard the voices of my former classmates. In most cases I can tell the difference between their real comments and the ones in my head. This time it’s the latter. “We told her to break up with you,” and “he’s being an idiot about this breakup,” keep going through my head. Thanks brain, you somehow managed to combine my old trauma with my new trauma!
 

Hey, Benjamin. I don’t know if responding to this is the right thing to do or not, but I was just going to say I’m sorry you’re going through this. I can’t say I know how it feels as I haven’t experienced that exact situation before, but I can relate in the sense that I’ve been in my head a lot over the past 24 hours. It’s definitely not fun thinking of things that aren’t real. I hope we can both get some peace of mind soon, and if you need to vent or anything, my DMs are open. :)
 
My face is so swollen from a tooth infection and it's been months now, I'm just so exhausted 😷
Outch :(
I was supposed to get rid of my wisdom teeth long time ago, but always pushed it away and now once in a while they get
infected and man, that hurts!! Aren't you able to go to the dentist, if it's already one month?? :o


Also: My nose is running a lot, which opens up my scar inside and makes me get a lot of nosebleeds U-U
 
there's so much more I could write rn, but I have to get this one thing off my chest because it's been there for two long.

Talking about things with family tonight before Ieave home, and the topic of me getting my tattoo came up. Now this is a repressed memory of mine because it was rather...problematic. In a way I set myself up for failure as I didn't tell my parents I was going to get it, so naturally they were pretty pissed about it. Mum was not pleased, but at least handled it okay. My dad literally yelled and shouted and banged on my wall for a good hour or so, all because he's old fashioned and doesn't like tattoos. The next day he also went off at my brother threatening him to never get one.

Tonight my family was kinda like haha yeah remember that?? So funny amirite! And I'm like lmao no. When I got my tattoo I was so happy with the design and I liked it a lot. When my dad went off, all I wanted to do is get it lasered off as soon as possible. To this very day, I still want it lasered off because that day flipped a switch in my brain and I no longer can like my tattoo anymore.
 
I'm so tired of schoolwork, I have to go to a rehearsal this morning which im not entirely prepared for, then tomorrow is my senior recital which I'm already resenting cause my dad got all pissy w me yesterday about me not wearing a dress and my grandma will prob be there tomorrow and complain abt my slacks and short hair and i--

I'm just so tired of working nonstop and being judged by my dad/professors and mentally harassed by my peers, im literally just trying to lead a peaceful existence here is that too much to ask?
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there's so much more I could write rn, but I have to get this one thing off my chest because it's been there for two long.

Talking about things with family tonight before Ieave home, and the topic of me getting my tattoo came up. Now this is a repressed memory of mine because it was rather...problematic. In a way I set myself up for failure as I didn't tell my parents I was going to get it, so naturally they were pretty pissed about it. Mum was not pleased, but at least handled it okay. My dad literally yelled and shouted and banged on my wall for a good hour or so, all because he's old fashioned and doesn't like tattoos. The next day he also went off at my brother threatening him to never get one.

Tonight my family was kinda like haha yeah remember that?? So funny amirite! And I'm like lmao no. When I got my tattoo I was so happy with the design and I liked it a lot. When my dad went off, all I wanted to do is get it lasered off as soon as possible. To this very day, I still want it lasered off because that day flipped a switch in my brain and I no longer can like my tattoo anymore.

im so sorry this happened, i can definitely understand why you'd feel this way.
 
Outch :(
I was supposed to get rid of my wisdom teeth long time ago, but always pushed it away and now once in a while they get
infected and man, that hurts!! Aren't you able to go to the dentist, if it's already one month?? :eek:


Also: My nose is running a lot, which opens up my scar inside and makes me get a lot of nosebleeds U-U
I've been to the dentist so many times lately, I'm on antibiotics for the 5th time in 4 months now. I'm trying to find a new dentist that takes my insurance because this whole situation has been just ridiculous. The swelling seems to finally be going down this week, I'll (hopefully) find out later today if it's from my wisdom tooth extraction or if I need the tooth next to it pulled. 😩
 
Allergies have exacerbated my eczema and the breakouts on my face. It's really frustrating feeling like you are constantly at war with your skin. I've always had dry skin and ezcema, but I hadn't struggled with breakouts/acne until the past few years. I feel like my face is just one big angry red dot :'(
 
You know when you can feel yourself getting down but there’s nothing you can do to stop it? Yeah... 💔
 
Sister being a snob and keep saying no to me. I just for once and all read the manga, like seriously what was the point of her paying hundreds of dollars for the books if she isn't going to read them or even touch them. I can't even enjoy what l like anymore because of her that is anime related.
 
I am bothered by a few things right now. there are a few things that really wish I could just let go and move on, one is a minor annoyance, one is my general situation (not thinking about this set of stuff now, but I can feel it threatening to drag my mood down any minute), and also about me for having anxiety and ocd (actual diagnosis) and not being able to be normal and forget things and not obsess over things. I had a good day today but I keep getting reminded of some stuff like how I suck at understanding and interacting with people, or them understanding me (i can’t help but feel like it is my fault even if i tell them so many times i have anxiety, need space or whatever).
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Oh also need to get a new phone soon since every time i move my phone while being charged, it stops charging.
 
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I think I need to take a break from reading breakup stories about exes with the same condition. It’s depressing how similar a lot of them are to mine. The constant messaging, the refusal to plan anything in advance, the sudden discard, they’re all so universal. The last one I read was so close to my experience that I’m worried it was the same person. I feel less alone in my situation, but I keep getting reminded of the trauma.

Edit: I'm know these feelings will pass. Eventually I will move on. My mental state is just all over the place right now.
 
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