What's Bothering You?

Croconaw said:
I’ve been questioning my friendship with some people. It’s just easy I guess because they treat me like a friend when I do stuff for them but otherwise I don’t exist it seems. It started because it was a group I felt like I was part of when I didn’t think it was possible to be included in others. When you’re getting treated so nicely and it’s not something you are used to, it’s hard to let go of that.

I’ve had one of the girls talk me into buying food for us. It costed $40 but I personally wasn’t hungry and it feels like I paid $40 for myself to eat two chicken strips. Definitely not worth it and probably stupid on my part. I easily made that up at work, but still… I never get invited to do things with them outside of work. It’s literally just me doing things for them, getting them alcohol and vapes. They do pay for the alcohol/vapes though but I know that doesn’t make it right. I mean, they are the reason I even started vaping but I’ve since quit after not being into it, but I’m thinking maybe I should quit them (the friends) too?

I think I just want to hear it from someone else that I’m doing the right thing. My favorite person told me to be careful and to not get taken advantage of, but that ship has sailed. I just don’t want to get involved with the wrong people who are clearly only using me.
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@Croconaw
I too for a long time continued to hang out with people I thought were friends and who were instead very toxic. I didn't want to accept that they were, because even if they only exploited me when they needed me, they still made me feel good.
Then I realized that "feeling good" was just an illusion and that I just wanted to feel accepted in a group. With a lot of effort I recently managed to get away from them, and today I find comfort in two or three people that I consider really friends and that's it, one I met through an online game in middle school, and after 9 years of online friendship we met last summer in real life (they lives far from me).
I understood that to be happy I need few things and it doesn't matter if I don't have many friends, even just one is enough (and it doesn't necessarily have to be a friend you see every day, as long as it's a true friend you know you can to count).
There are people who base their relationships on interests ("I give something to you, and you give it to me"). Let's say most people. And then there are others, like you, who are exploited by people, but they don't exploit the others.
Don't think it's too late, if these fake friends cause you discomfort and lead you down a bad path, try to walk away and make self-care your top priority. I know it's difficult, but when you're feeling bad they aren't there for you... and they will never be.
Being more sensitive people who don't live to exploit others is often seen as a weakness and a condemnation. I think it's a great advantage, we just have to realize it and start walking on our feet, and not on those of others.
Take your trusted friend's advice and even if it takes time, push them away and take care of yourself❤️

This fever is killing me
 
My co-worker apparently got taught how to register newly-purchased books correctly in the system after making a catalogue post... sigh. I was supposed to connect the new books to their catalogue posts and mark them up so we can lend them out... Turns out she really missed to do the 80% of them cause someone never taught her to. Also she's the kind who takes like everything like criticism and that she's "bad" rather than she needs to learn properly. If I'd done that people would flip lol.
 
It's still not Monday and that's when my game comes in. I'm jonesing! @.@
 
Well, I ended high school last year and it was a tough year for many reasons and I went through a lot, I was relieved that it was over. But unfortunately with the end of high school I feel empty and afraid. I don't want to go to college yet, because the course I want doesn't exist in the public universities of my city, so I want to work to see if I can afford a private one. But my family keeps asking about it, or when will I start, and it's already irritating me and leaving me wondering if I really should do it, just so I don't feel useless here at home
 
I actually had a good day at school for once, but I didn't even get to finish talking about it to my parents because they decided to get on my case about taking the dog outside instead. I know they had a bad day and that my dog almost ran off twice yesterday when I took her out, but they could've at least waited till I was done talking I guess? Now I'm in a really bad mood when I should be happy that I'm having my March break.
 
filling out a job application and they asked if I have a disability, I'm not legally required to answer but they're required by law to ask because they have to have their workforce be made up of at least 7% persons with disabilities. it's also a voluntary thing that I don't have to disclose. I looked up the issue and since autism is in fact something that will require some accommodations it's recommended that I tell them that I do in fact have a disability.
I know legally they can't not hire me bc of a disability but I always get so worried abt them coming up with some other BS excuse to not hire me when in reality it is because of my disability. they could just be like "oh we didn't hire you because you don't have much experience" when I'm actually qualified but I'm disabled as well. as if job hunting wasn't already difficult for me, I have to worry abt employers discriminating me behind closed doors.


also they asked for my gender and literally only let me choose from "Male" or "Female", they didn't even have a "Prefer not to say" option. luckily I was not required to answer it and I left the answer on "select one", but considering right above they mentioned that they don't discriminate for things like that, why would they not give at least a "prefer not to say" option?
 
I’m having a mini existential crisis again. Normally I don’t care about that sort of thing, but hearing anyone talk about existentialism for long enough just sends me over the edge. It also creates paranoid thoughts that I have no way to answer. This time I think I’ll get back into regular exercise to balance out the hormones in my head. With that I should feel a bit better after a while.
 
My skin feels like it's on fire. I've been dealing with eczema around my eyes for like a month now and it keeps flaring up. Then random bites appearing making my skin itchy. Then I must've touched something and touched my nose because it will not stop itching and feels like it's on fire. Ugghhh I have no idea what I'm allergic to but I wish it would stop 😪 (also really hope it's not the excess iron in the water rn because it's the only water supply we've got lol)
 
I tried telling my dad that I suspect I have autism, and... Well, I won't quote exactly what he said, but he has some old-fashioned stigmas and opinions about the subject. I just felt he was being insensitive and confrontational about it. He also said some really hurtful and accusing things and I feel so much worse. I knew I shouldn't have told him.

On a less serious note, first day of my March break and my family's already pissed me off today. And I have a headache.
 
Tbh not going into detail but had a horrible time talking to my neighbour yesterday. Came over to ask how she was doing and about another contact, the discussion got lost in semantics and she made me feel stupid. She wasnt rude. Just feels like nothing positive came from it. Had to leave in the middle of it, got my mom to ask about that contact… and of course my neighbour hasnt found them, and I just had to explain and argue pointless stuff and thats detrimental making me relive trauma

plus she smokes and my asthmatic ass sure feels that
 
may have to deactivate my current bank card and get a new one bc I keep getting charged for a Deluxe Membership in Webkinz even though I don't play frequently and I tried to cancel it months ago. support isn't helping at all. I'm getting really frustrated bc I don't have much money at all and then they go and take $6 out of my account.



also tired of people talking abt what they're planning on buying and how much money they have, like **** it must be nice to not be flat ****in broke and actually be able to buy things you need. good for you.
 
I feel like my flatmates are using the water crisis as an excuse not to clean anything at all. Yes weve got heavy water restrictions in place, but my god, at least clean down surfaces with cleaners and disposable wipes?? At least clean the toilet once a week?? At least clean out the food scraps bin so it doesn't smell like literal vomit?? Some of them even frown upon the use of water at all. Like you can use it for hygiene purposes?? We're doing what we can to save water, but you need to use it for hygiene and cleaning
 
Talking bout jerk dad, mine basically uses anything as an excuse to see me. Like sure you can have the Wii back but you basically just revealed yourself, idiot.
 
like how I'm feeling fine today and just as I need to start getting ready to leave I'm suddenly dealing w lightheadedness again and I don't feel well. I don't really have a choice, I need to go, so ig I'll just have to deal w it 🙃
 
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