What do you think?

[Pear]

Good, but a bit macabre for my taste.

macabre?

Lots of death, blood, etc.

I'd rather it be about ponies that eat rainbows, and poop butterflies.

 

[NikoKing]

Good, but a bit macabre for my taste.

macabre?

Lots of death, blood, etc.

I'd rather it be about ponies that eat rainbows, and poop butterflies.

Silly pear, I'm guessing you're a peace kind of guy? .

 

[yuba]

Good, but a bit macabre for my taste.

macabre?

Lots of death, blood, etc.

I'd rather it be about ponies that eat rainbows, and poop butterflies.

well i would tell her to write about those things but our English teacher wants a scary story.

 

[Pear]

Good, but a bit macabre for my taste.

macabre?

Lots of death, blood, etc.

I'd rather it be about ponies that eat rainbows, and poop butterflies.

Silly pear, I'm guessing you're a peace kind of guy? .

Yeah. I'm an extreme pacifist. Except for the other day in Gym, when Jack kicked me. It hurt. I exclaimed, "OSHI-" and fell to the ground. After I got up, I kicked back. That was the first time in recorded history that a pearbear ever fought back.

 

[The Sign Painter]

Good, but a bit macabre for my taste.

macabre?

Lots of death, blood, etc.

I'd rather it be about ponies that eat rainbows, and poop butterflies.

Silly pear, I'm guessing you're a peace kind of guy? .

Yeah. I'm an extreme pacifist. Except for the other day in Gym, when Jack kicked me. It hurt. I exclaimed, "OSHI-" and fell to the ground. After I got up, I kicked back. That was the first time in recorded history that a pearbear ever fought back.

Its okay Pear, we all need to take our anger out on other people sometimes.

 

[Paradox]

haha i didn't even read the title

 

[Bacon Boy]

I thought it oddly demented in some parts... Too many typos. Vampire stories are so overdone. "Your friend" needs to try and using other nouns instead of "the boys", "they", "she", "he", and "the girl". It gets annoying and monotonous. A lot of lines are poorly written. The plot seems corny and "done before". The fact that they think it's a vampire attack shows how corny it truly is. To make it seem suspenseful and mysterious, it should have been "... by what seems like an animal attack..." or something to that effect. Sentences that start with "the" and "then" are dripping throughout the whole thing. That is so annoying and it makes everything seem boring. Too many sentences also begin with "they". Repetitive words are really annoying, always make sure to avoid them. A lot of fragment sentences in there. Use correct punctuation including "." "," "!" "?" ";" ":" etc. They make it seem better. Always use a "," before conjunctions, such as "but" "and", and "or". Try joining some sentences. There's a lot more, but I have some more stuff to do, so edit it a bit for her.

Sidenote: This belongs in the museum.

 

[NikoKing]

I thought it oddly demented in some parts... Too many typos. Vampire stories are so overdone. "Your friend" needs to try and using other nouns instead of "the boys", "they", "she", "he", and "the girl". It gets annoying and monotonous. A lot of lines are poorly written. The plot seems corny and "done before". The fact that they think it's a vampire attack shows how corny it truly is. To make it seem suspenseful and mysterious, it should have been "... by what seems like an animal attack..." or something to that effect. Sentences that start with "the" and "then" are dripping throughout the whole thing. That is so annoying and it makes everything seem boring. Too many sentences also begin with "they". Repetitive words are really annoying, always make sure to avoid them. A lot of fragment sentences in there. Use correct punctuation including "." "," "!" "?" ";" ":" etc. They make it seem better. Always use a "," before conjunctions, such as "but" "and", and "or". Try joining some sentences. There's a lot more, but I have some more stuff to do, so edit it a bit for her.

Sidenote: This belongs in the museum.

You got to the point with the grammar, plus you showed the errors. Al, you deserve a cookie for reading this.

 

[Bacon Boy]

I thought it oddly demented in some parts... Too many typos. Vampire stories are so overdone. "Your friend" needs to try and using other nouns instead of "the boys", "they", "she", "he", and "the girl". It gets annoying and monotonous. A lot of lines are poorly written. The plot seems corny and "done before". The fact that they think it's a vampire attack shows how corny it truly is. To make it seem suspenseful and mysterious, it should have been "... by what seems like an animal attack..." or something to that effect. Sentences that start with "the" and "then" are dripping throughout the whole thing. That is so annoying and it makes everything seem boring. Too many sentences also begin with "they". Repetitive words are really annoying, always make sure to avoid them. A lot of fragment sentences in there. Use correct punctuation including "." "," "!" "?" ";" ":" etc. They make it seem better. Always use a "," before conjunctions, such as "but" "and", and "or". Try joining some sentences. There's a lot more, but I have some more stuff to do, so edit it a bit for her.

Sidenote: This belongs in the museum.

You got to the point with the grammar, plus you showed the errors. Al, you deserve a cookie for reading this.

Dude, I'm like a major writing fanatic. I HATE writing mistakes. I'm like the top of my Honors class (not to brag). So I hate seeing stuff as obvious as that. That "Story" didn't have that much effort in it.