The out of context quotes thread

[Yoshi155]

Ike, don’t do it! There’s still so much to live for!

*toddler sounds*

I know you really wanted McCain to win, but it’s going to be okay!

*babbling*

No, that’s not true, Ike! The economy could easily stabilize with Obama’s plan!

*babbling*

Ike, don’t jump! You could really hurt your ankle or something.

*crying*

Really, Ike, that’s like five feet off the ground, don’t do it!

Goodbye. *jumps off the ground level windowsill*

 

[Seastar]

"Oh, they're in. Probably just too excited about looking for someone else's grandpa to speak."

 

[Yoshi155]

You ever watch The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air?

Yeah, it’s a pretty good show.

Now imagine, the Fresh Prince as the genie from Aladdin.

What? But why?

Because the future hates you.

 

[Seastar]

New orders! The Captain says, "Go get Agent 2 a latte." Nah, I'm kidding. Although if you see one...

 

[Yoshi155]

…James Taylor, what the hell are you doin’ in here, singing about prostitutes to the children! Get out of here!

 

[Seastar]

"I heard they have human bones here!"
"I wish humans were real."

 

[Yoshi155]

I am harshly criticizing Ocarina Of Time on the internet, I’m gonna get crucified.

 

[Seastar]

"Agent 2 doesn't think I should drive the rocket. But what do YOU think, Agent 3?"

 

[Yoshi155]

This is pretty much Minesweeper but the penalty for getting it wrong is horrible death.

 

[Bruscoe]

“Stu, what are you doing?”
“Making chocolate pudding.”
“It’s four o’ clock in the morning; why on earth are you making chocolate pudding?”
“Because I’ve lost control of my life.”

“Here’s your pudding, Angelica.”
“That’s okay, Uncle Stu. I’m not hungry anymore.”
(Stu screams at top of lungs)

 

[QueenCobra]

(singing) “Alexis Michelle, your last name, it rhymes with hell…you’re a demon.”

 

[Yoshi155]

I don’t make the rules, ma’am. I just think them up and write them down.

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Why couldn't she be the other type of mermaid, with the fish part on top and the lady part on the bottom?"

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“I can’t go on. It’s humiliating being called a ‘bow wow’!”
“But it‘s only a song, Rolf.”
“I refuse to do it, Miss Oink Oink!”

 

[oak]

Some random guy in line for coffee behind me: "sorry I couldn't hear you I didn't have my glasses on"

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Can you help me get to Florida?”
“Honey, I ain’t a witch for nothing! Florida Florida Florida!”
*Sylvester vanishes out of the office*
“Mmm mmm mmmm! I need to start making clients pay me before doing that!”

 

[Yoshi155]

Stupid can opener! You killed my father and now you’ve come back for me!

 

[QueenCobra]

“If you call me Chris Evert one more time, we’re gonna take a station break.”

 

[Yoshi155]

Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet?

Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men?

Aren’t you upset at all? How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet?

Only one way to find out.

You have no sympathy for anyone else’s feelings!

Of course I do! Right now, I feel sorry for you.

You do?

Yeah. I mean, one cantaloupe sized bloodshot eye? You ain’t winning no beauty pageants, lady.

 

[Yoshi155]

Leela, your scaredness is being transmitted straight to Bender! If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him!

I can’t! I love every living creature!

Even me?

As a friend.

Damn.