Ruin a Movie!

[Bruscoe]

Life isn’t very wonderful when a spirit takes you on a journey into a world that is crappier if you didn’t exist, but is still crappy even if you’re alive. Wait, that’s not happy. This is a movie, so therefore it must have a happy ending.
I wish I could spontaneously receive money

The Social Network

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

It’s about celebrities being social with ordinary people who absolutely despise them.

The Sound of Music

 

[Bruscoe]

It’s a period piece that was actually released in the current decade. Apparently, people became so brainwashed by current music trends, that all the surviving popular 1960’s music artists collaborated together to produce a movie, featuring young actors playing as them alongside popular artists no longer with us. The goal? Prove to today’s generation that current music trends suck and show them what the sound of music really is. The movie is disguised as a lighthearted musical so that the songs featured stick in the young adult viewers’ heads. It’s a big mental exercise, really.

Last Action Hero

 

[Mr.Fox]

The dynamite Arnold throws out of the movie screen actually explodes immediately, destroying the entire theater. The kid never meets him.

The Dark Crystal

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

The lead is now Gumby and he is completely useless!

The Lorax

 

[. Rarity .]

Trees? Well I guess... But, ya know orange is in style right now. Orange is the new black. Lots of orange, the more rare the orange the better. I mean how bad can that be? Am I right

Poor Things

 

[Bruscoe]

It's actually one of those ASPCA ads you see on TV of animals suffering for two straight hours. It's one of the saddest films ever made.

The Land Before Time

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

The movie is an unnecessary sequel to Back to the Future where Doc and Marty go way too far back in time that the Delorean breaks apart completely and there is nothing to repair the vehicle.

Trolls

 

[Yoshi155]

The movie is about the troll from Dora that lives under the bridge. But he’s a species now.

Spiderman: Into the Spiderverse.

 

[Bruscoe]

Miles Morales ventures into a strange dimension where everyone is wearing full Spider-Man suits. He can’t tell anyone apart other than the accessories they’re wearing. Even then, he has a tough time figuring out who’s who. Luckily, he meets Gwen, who stands out to Miles for being different from the rest by not having blue and red colors on her outfit. The two return to Miles’ dimension, where a rip in the space-time continuum causes the other Spider-Men to venture into Miles’ world and cause havoc. Luckily, these Men don’t have any powers, and are easily defeated by Miles and Gwen. The two then become best friends, and Gwen decides to stay in Miles’ dimension for good.

Dr. No (James Bond Film)

 

[Mr.Fox]

Instead of trying to increase the animosity between the West and the East, Dr. No tries to make peace between them and has everyone over for tea and cakes.

Jurassic Park

 

[Midoriya]

It's an amusement park full of old people! The park has various exhibits showing off the challenges of old people. At one point one of the elders yells because he's stuck in some quicksand, but the others slowly but surely help him out of it. A crowd cheers as the old man's life is saved.

What, you thought this would be about dinosaurs??? Pshht.

Despicable Me

 

[Yoshi155]

The moon crashes into the Earth. The end! Oh, and yellow guys. Very annoying yellow guys. They’re not from Springfield either.

Saw II.

 

[Bruscoe]

You thought body horror was too horrible to show in a film? Then check out Saw II, where the evil ringleader puppet dude who undoubtedly has a name captures more people and makes them cut off each others' limbs for no reason other than to avoid killing them himself! This time, there's double the saws, and double the limbs! Hear the reviews from a few movie critics:

"I came in expecting dancing saws, but all I got was dancing butterflies in my stomach. Misleading title, misleading premise. There's now vomit all over my theater chair, and I really hope this film series gets canned." - Whaz Itooya, NY Times

"If this is what puppet guys are capable of doing in Left 4 Dead, then I've got some competition. Chat, take notes." - Some newbie streamer on Twitch

"This is actually sort of interesting. How much do the actors get paid? I think I want to show my viewers that I'm cool outside my own show." - Dr. Phil

"And I thought people getting fat off quarter pounders was horrible enough..." - Ronald McDonald

If you want the true sick fest experience, head on over to your local theater and see what Saw II can do to your body!
Note: Extra trashcans are provided for viewer convenience.

Zoolander

 

[Mr.Fox]

It's an informational film about how helicopters bring animals to the zoo and how they land them.

Toy Story 3

 

[Bruscoe]

Instead of donating himself to Sunnyside Daycare, Buzz Lightyear instead gets shipped back to Taiwan as the secretary at the daycare sees that there is a recall on all Buzz Lightyear figures worldwide. The toys then band together to go find him; they notice that the Asian toy market is full of unusual products, and almost mistake cheap knockoffs for the real Buzz several times. Eventually, they take Buzz back to America, only to realize that he’s stuck in Spanish mode. For some reason, they make it back to Sunnyside, and the movie continues on from there.
Based off an actual rejected plot

Monsters, Inc.

 

[frogslime]

Instead of going the obviously horrific routes, how about that Randal succeeds and drives the next generation into fear and insanity that leads to the demise of the monster race? Those kids, now adults, fight back. Bear trap at the closet door, you stupid monsters.

Juno

 

[Bruscoe]

Forget EVERYTHING you know about Juno. We're going to do a complete 180 and call this movie SUMO. Oh yeah. Watch as a bunch of fat guys, wearing nothing but towels, fight on a platform and try their best not to fall down in embarrassment. Special guests include Fluffy, Shrek, Oswald the Octopus (why not), the Heavy from TF2, Homer Simpson, and that one Hawaiian dude from Moana (you're welcome). Who will be crowned the ultimate SUMO champion?
Brought to you by the good people at Sony!

Futurama: Bender's Big Score

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

Bender takes the SAT and gets the highest score possible.

Moana

 

[Mr.Fox]

When she finally gets to the line where the sky meets the sea, she just falls off the planet.

My Neighbor Totoro