mental illnesses?

[MayorPeach]

I have been diagnosed with MDD, severe anxiety, dermatophagia, dermatillomania, and trichotillomania.

Despression/anxiety started when I was about 15-16. Skin picking/hair pulling didn't start until about a year ago (I'm 25 now). I've been on 3 different types of anti-depressants. Currently I'm on the highest dosage of Zoloft.

Just one day I'd like to know what it feels like to be healthy mentally and physically.

 

[Reindeer]

Just one day I'd like to know what it feels like to be healthy mentally and physically.

I know how you feel. Even so, when my current therapist told me they would be help me as much as they possibly could to have me be "normal" (they also mentioned it being a weird term), it actually made me scared. I've had anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember, and while I would very much love to get rid of it I'm also afraid of what I'll be like if I don't have them.

But then I realize I'm being stupid because even if they manage to get rid of depression and anxiety issues I'll still be an autistic **** that's having trouble communicating with his surroundings. I'm 25 as well, and my outlook on the world is insanely bitter, simply because very few people actually manage to understand.

Hang in there, though. I'm sure that with time things will be better. That's all we can believe in.

 

[GameLaxer]

I have been diagnosed with MDD, severe anxiety, dermatophagia, dermatillomania, and trichotillomania.

Despression/anxiety started when I was about 15-16. Skin picking/hair pulling didn't start until about a year ago (I'm 25 now). I've been on 3 different types of anti-depressants. Currently I'm on the highest dosage of Zoloft.

Just one day I'd like to know what it feels like to be healthy mentally and physically.

I completely understand you. I feel a lot of bitterness towards the lot that I've been given in life as well (I have MDD, GAD, OCD, skin picking, and some BPD traits). I've gone through different therapies, and from DBT, I have learned that even though anger and bitterness are valid emotions, they might not be effective in accepting the here and now...and staying in the moment is the most important thing next to hope.

Also, you should look into NAC for hair pulling/skin picking--it helps.

 

[Shirohibiki]

I know how you feel. Even so, when my current therapist told me they would be help me as much as they possibly could to have me be "normal" (they also mentioned it being a weird term), it actually made me scared. I've had anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember, and while I would very much love to get rid of it I'm also afraid of what I'll be like if I don't have them.

But then I realize I'm being stupid because even if they manage to get rid of depression and anxiety issues I'll still be an autistic **** that's having trouble communicating with his surroundings. I'm 25 as well, and my outlook on the world is insanely bitter, simply because very few people actually manage to understand.

Hang in there, though. I'm sure that with time things will be better. That's all we can believe in.

a lot of people in group therapy said they were afraid of being happy because they were so used to depression.
im not afraid of being happy. i miss it. i used to be able to sustain happiness for periods of time, and now its shortening more and more and im already crying typing this lmfao

i also wish for one day of seeing what the other side is like, seeing what its like not to loathe myself, seeing what its like not to be so bitter or cynical or full of upset hatred and anger, or anxious an dn ervous about everythign and paranoid and stuff
or maybe thats just me, but i dont think so

im sure youd do just fine, reindeer. its not stupid to wish for or think about it.

it just hurts to do so.

 

[GameLaxer]

a lot of people in group therapy said they were afraid of being happy because they were so used to depression.
im not afraid of being happy. i miss it. i used to be able to sustain happiness for periods of time, and now its shortening more and more and im already crying typing this lmfao

i also wish for one day of seeing what the other side is like, seeing what its like not to loathe myself, seeing what its like not to be so bitter or cynical or full of upset hatred and anger, or anxious an dn ervous about everythign and paranoid and stuff
or maybe thats just me, but i dont think so

im sure youd do just fine, reindeer. its not stupid to wish for or think about it.

it just hurts to do so.

I always envy people when I see them...asking them in my head, "Why do you get to be so happy, while I'm miserable inside of my own head?" I wish that I could be happy--but I honestly don't remember any time that I was...I don't know how to recognize happiness. There are times where I find relief from my anxiety, I suppose. But...I do want to be happy. A part of me is afraid to be a bit, though, because change is hard for me, and it's ironic, but sadness/anxiety is the norm for me. I also get worried about what it would mean if I didn't have therapy anymore or had to change the way things are going in my life right now...thinking about all of that change in addition to the emotional change just overwhelms me and loops around and around. :/

But yea...it would be really nice not to hate myself for a change.

 

[Reindeer]

a lot of people in group therapy said they were afraid of being happy because they were so used to depression.
im not afraid of being happy. i miss it. i used to be able to sustain happiness for periods of time, and now its shortening more and more and im already crying typing this lmfao

i also wish for one day of seeing what the other side is like, seeing what its like not to loathe myself, seeing what its like not to be so bitter or cynical or full of upset hatred and anger, or anxious an dn ervous about everythign and paranoid and stuff
or maybe thats just me, but i dont think so

im sure youd do just fine, reindeer. its not stupid to wish for or think about it.

it just hurts to do so.

Indeed it does. I always get depressed when I think about the stupid mistakes I make, no matter how small. And while I know a lot of things are part of my character, I wonder if things would be better were I a more stable person.

It's especially hard when you have a relationship with somebody that you'd do everything for, and yet all you fear is losing them because you can be such a **** sometimes. My past still haunts me, and I unconsciously project things onto people I know aren't like the people from my past. It hurts me more than they can imagine, because I don't want to think about them like this. I'm also very careful to not mention it too much, in fear of losing them.

I want to get rid of it. I was scared of it for a while but not anymore. Even if it does turn out bad, that I'm a hyperactive jackass or something, it's just as bad as it is now.

 

[Izzy Reincarnated]

I have a disorder that makes me awesome.

 

[GameLaxer]

Indeed it does. I always get depressed when I think about the stupid mistakes I make, no matter how small. And while I know a lot of things are part of my character, I wonder if things would be better were I a more stable person.

It's especially hard when you have a relationship with somebody that you'd do everything for, and yet all you fear is losing them because you can be such a **** sometimes. My past still haunts me, and I unconsciously project things onto people I know aren't like the people from my past. It hurts me more than they can imagine, because I don't want to think about them like this. I'm also very careful to not mention it too much, in fear of losing them.

I want to get rid of it. I was scared of it for a while but not anymore. Even if it does turn out bad, that I'm a hyperactive jackass or something, it's just as bad as it is now.

I'm sorry that you're struggling. I was in a relationship with someone as well...and she wasn't the most emotionally stable person either, but she was more stable than I. My mental health issues wound up becoming too much for her to handle, among other things that included clashes between her and my parents, etc. It didn't seem fair. It wasn't fair. But I think in the future, it may be a silver lining. And no matter what happens, things are going to suck because of mental health issues...but, just like this thread is wonderfully bringing people together, there are ways to see positive aspects for such conditions. And who knows...maybe breaking up with my girlfriend will allow me to focus more on myself and get stronger emotionally. You never know what life has in store...might as well think of the positive because you and I, as I assume, know the negative side of life and thought all too well.

 

[Danielkang2]

I have a phobia of veins... ugh..

 

[GameLaxer]

I have a phobia of veins... ugh..

That's ok Everyone has phobias. I have arachnophobia myself...a fear of clowns...dolls...well, creepy dolls xD A heck of lot more, too. But you can't let fear stop you. That's the most important part. Experiencing fear and yet living your life anyway is the definition of bravery...and you do that daily. So validate yourself for that

 

[ThomasNLD]

I have a disorder that makes me awesome.

Then we even eachother out.


Oh, and about clowns...they ARE creepy! I would never ever let one near my (future?) kid.

 

[GameLaxer]

Then we even eachother out.


Oh, and about clowns...they ARE creepy! I would never ever let one near my (future?) kid.

Thank you!!!
I hate those people who dress up in costumes, too...like:

 

[ThomasNLD]

Thank you!!!
I hate those people who dress up in costumes, too...like:

Yeah me too, haha. I first want to know who is in it!
Otherwise it seems like a really unfair encounter to me....

 

[Aiyana]

Clowns are petrifying. ;_; I've had a phobia of them since I was 8 years old.

I have a lot of mental disorders, to be honest. DID, PTSD, avoidant personality disorder, social anxiety, depression, atypical anorexia, autism, dyscalculia, etc. I might actually be bipolar, but I haven't been able to get that properly checked out yet. :c

Sometimes it feels impossible to ever be a happy, healthy person.

 

[Beary]

Thank you!!!
I hate those people who dress up in costumes, too...like:

View attachment 56745

I think those are hilarious.
Especially when they start breakdancing.

 

[Le Ham]

Spoiler

I don't even know. I feel like there is, and has always been, something wrong with me, but I can never put my finger on it. My parents don't listen to me at all and just play the "hit puberty and going through changes" card whenever I try to talk to them about it, so I guess I'll never know.

My emotions contradict each other, I don't think I've ever had a sense of what is socially acceptable, I'm extremely bad at expressing thought without taking hours to think about it before writing it down, and my thinking process is whack. It kinda works like a jigsaw puzzle: random pieces of a complex thought form in random places until they all form and a complete thought is made. It's like I don't know what the big picture is until the pieces are all put together. I have random outbursts of rage at random times (although I've gotten better at keeping them down over the past 5 years) and a lot of the time feel like people hate me. Like I'll make excuses to myself about how they'd not like me, when it should be obvious that they do, and then I get confused and scared. I often find myself not reacting to things in such immense ways that other people do. For instance, if some terrible thing happened in war or something, other people would be like "Oh this is so terrible" and I'll just feel like I don't care. And I feel bad enough about it to pretend I do care. Speaking of pretending, I can't even remember what emotions are real reactions or what ones are staged. I used to not react to very much at all, but in adapting to society I started to fake emotions, and now some of them just happen on command, like a habit, so I don't know anymore. Some days people will tell me I'm hyper and insanely happy, while other days people look at me like I'm depressed. And all this has happened to me since I was little.

Or maybe there's nothing wrong with me. Maybe I'm just whiny and overly dramatic...

Screw me.

 

[xarazura]

Hm pretty severe social anxiety, depression, ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder), autism, and occasionally insomnia but I think that's linked to the other things, the worst it got was 1-2 hours of sleep per day for 3 weeks. ADD and social anxiety made school very difficult back in the day and I eventually developed depression when I was about 11 and had to stop going to school altogether, I think it was for the best because it was extremely stressful to attend and I literally forgot 99% of what they taught me by home time. I've had the depression ever since, though I think it's generally better at the moment with the help of medication, I still have really bad days sometimes when I can't get out of bed or do anything :/

I am quite picky about food, I think that's linked to the ADD or autism, but I can't stand certain textures or flavours (mainly fruit and vegetables, unfortunately for my health) and they make me sick ._. I tried so hard to get used to eating fruit when I was attempting to start eating better but it remained just as difficult every time I ate the fruit

Feels good to talk about it even if it is just a little bit <3

 

[Reindeer]

Hm pretty severe social anxiety, depression, ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder), autism, and occasionally insomnia but I think that's linked to the other things, the worst it got was 1-2 hours of sleep per day for 3 weeks.

Trust me when I say it's very likely that it's related. I often sleep for very short periods of time and am wide awake after just an hour or two of sleep. It's terrible, but what can you do about it? It's not like you can just forget all your problems right away. Would be a lot easier if that was possible.

 

[GameLaxer]

Clowns are petrifying. ;_; I've had a phobia of them since I was 8 years old.

I have a lot of mental disorders, to be honest. DID, PTSD, avoidant personality disorder, social anxiety, depression, atypical anorexia, autism, dyscalculia, etc. I might actually be bipolar, but I haven't been able to get that properly checked out yet. :c

Sometimes it feels impossible to ever be a happy, healthy person.

I'm so sorry that you feel that way but obviously there are a lot of people who understand your situation (e.g. this thread) so even if you feel alone, remember that you're not--and if you ever want to talk, you can PM me. Also, your signature is a beautiful homage to that poem by Poe.

- - - Post Merge - - -

Hm pretty severe social anxiety, depression, ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder), autism, and occasionally insomnia but I think that's linked to the other things, the worst it got was 1-2 hours of sleep per day for 3 weeks. ADD and social anxiety made school very difficult back in the day and I eventually developed depression when I was about 11 and had to stop going to school altogether, I think it was for the best because it was extremely stressful to attend and I literally forgot 99% of what they taught me by home time. I've had the depression ever since, though I think it's generally better at the moment with the help of medication, I still have really bad days sometimes when I can't get out of bed or do anything :/

I am quite picky about food, I think that's linked to the ADD or autism, but I can't stand certain textures or flavours (mainly fruit and vegetables, unfortunately for my health) and they make me sick ._. I tried so hard to get used to eating fruit when I was attempting to start eating better but it remained just as difficult every time I ate the fruit

Feels good to talk about it even if it is just a little bit <3

If talking about it makes you feel better---do more of that! I'm sorry that you're having a rough time of things but try to think of ways of connecting to other people and talking about things, both of which obviously make you feel better (hope I'm not assuming anything)! ^_^'''

 

[arte]

unfortunately, i'm basically just amalgam of different diagnoses at this point. i have bipolar disorder, autism, panic disorder, and am being tested for ocd. it's tough! good job to all of you for fighting your illnesses. stay strong! :O