How do you feel about age differences in friendships/relationships?

[Croconaw]

It’s no surprise that people put a lot of importance on age nowadays. For me, personally, age becomes less important as we become older and it matters less in friendships. For example, a six year age difference means less when it’s 28/34 as opposed to 18/24. I don’t put really any importance on age in friendships, and just a little bit in relationships. Although, I couldn’t see myself being friends with anyone younger than 17 because of difference in interests, maturity levels, etcetera. I do work with a few minors, and while they are cool, we don’t really have much in common. Also, some are a bit too immature for my liking.

How do you feel about age differences in friendships and/or relationships? I don’t believe it should matter as much in friendships as it does in relationships. If it matters for you, how many years older or younger would you be alright with?

 

[Midoriya]

It doesn't matter to me. My best friend is 19 years old while I'm 24, and he graduated from university at the age of 18, lol.

Relationships are more tricky and I do prefer to be the same age or close to it for those.

 

[-Mars-]

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[Xara]

for me, it all depends on the type of relationship and how big the age difference is. i personally think romantic relationships between adults and minors are absolutely disgusting (especially when the minor is younger than 17 and/or the adult is older than 20), but i’m more lenient with friendships. i actually have a few friends and acquaintances on here that are younger than me (the biggest age difference i believe is 5-7 years), and while that lowkey does make me feel kinda weird at times, logically i don’t think it’s too big a deal? we don’t talk all that much anyways, and conversations are always appropriate and usually about animal crossing, other games or interests we have in common, how we’re doing, etc. i just typically prefer to have friends that are around my age or older so that we’re on the same page in terms of maturity and stuff. romantic relationship-wise, i prefer to be with someone my age or a bit older than me as well.

big age differences (10+ years) make me uncomfortable though, especially in romantic relationships. there’s this couple on tiktok where the guy is 24, and the woman he’s with is literally 60+. that type of relationship just genuinely boggles my mind because how do you be with someone who’s in such a different place than you mentally, physically, etc? plus, the content they post is so inappropriate and disgusting?? i don’t know, relationships like that just always kinda give me groomer vibes, especially when one person is in their 20’s and the other is 40+, and they’ve been in a relationship for more than a few years.

 

[LadyDestani]

For friendship, age doesn't matter at all to me. I remember when I was really young (like around 5-10 years old), whenever I would visit my grandparents I would also make the rounds of some of their neighbors. They were mostly elderly women or couples and I considered them my friends. Sometimes they would give me candy, but mostly we just chatted and they seemed to like the company. I still have a locket that one lady gave me and I've always treasured it. Of course, it is important that any friendship between an adult and a minor is appropriate and no harm is intended.

For romantic relationships, my only concern is that we're both consenting adults. Any age difference doesn't really bother me. Although I've mostly dated people around my age there have been a few outliers. There is a 10 year age gap between my aunt and my uncle so I grew up with that being the norm. What's important to me is a connection and age isn't really a factor in that. I've been able to connect with people from various generations because we shared other things in common.

 

[Dunquixote]

For friendships, age doesn’t matter to me. I never considered it to be an issue ever. All my discord friends are much younger than me yet I feel like they understand me better than some personal acquaintances/friends/family. Growing up, I got along with my teachers more than my classmates; no one else liked history or political science which were my main interests at the time.

 

[.: Meri :.]

When it comes to friendships, I don't really think age matters that much. I've known people my age, older, and younger who I've gotten along with just fine. As long as everything's kept appropriate with younger friends, I don't see any issue. Sometimes a difference in perspective can be really helpful, too.

As for relationships... it's a little more tricky, but as long as all parties are consenting adults, I don't think it's really any of my business. Although all parties meeting as adults is important too. Someone with a pattern of pursuing adults much younger than them can also be a red flag, but I don't think any singular example/exception is necessarily cause for concern, in and of itself.
As for myself personally, I'd be fine with dating someone who was a little younger as long as we were relatively close to the same age, but I think I'd generally prefer to date someone my age or older. Theoretically speaking*, if someone had all the qualities I'd want in a life partner, I wouldn't mind if they were ~10-15 years older. A little more than that isn't totally out of the question if they're just a completely wonderful amazing human being, but not too much more.
*As a young woman-esque person who's primarily interested in men, I do have a certain amount of skepticism towards older people who would be interested in me. If it's all in fictionland though anyway, I don't really care too much ahahah.

 

[Neb]

With friendships age doesn't really matter to me. I've been friends with people both a few years younger and several years older. It's never made much of a difference since we're all around the same level of maturity.

With relationships as long as both people are adults and within ten years of age I think it's okay. I've only been in one relationship though, so I'm not really an expert on that.

 

[Elov]

For friendship age is less important. In terms of relationships, with now having the perspective of being an adult for a good hand full of years (25) the idea of dating someone 18-21 feels pretty icky, so being anything older than what I am and wanting to be with someone in that age range is just... *shivers*

I think particularly when it comes to early adulthood 1-3 year age gap is the more ideal range. I wouldn't want to go much more beyond that for early 20's... So much life experience happens in your 20s. There's just such a larger disparity, in life experiences, maturity, and mindset. Your 20's is such a transitional stage, there's a huge difference between an early 20's and a late 20's mentally. When I was 18-21 I didn't see a big deal with age gaps, but now that I can reflect back on how I was and how much I changed from years 18-25, I've realized how crucial those years really are to your own personal development.

I think once all parties are in their late 20's/early 30's it's more okay to have a larger age gap. Because you aren't going from being a kid into being an adult anymore. Everyone has a good number of years under their belt and is more or less on a more similar playing field. Idk in my opinion the idea of being with someone in their early adult years while they're still kind of figuring things out, when you're in your 30s/40s hell maybe even late 20's, just feels borderline predatory to me, and I definitely see it as a red flag.

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

It doesn't matter too much for me, I'm 15 and I have an online friend who's 11. Though I do find them a bit immature and annoying, but that's what I get for being friends with a 5th grader while I'm in high school. I also have some friends that are 14, both online and in school.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

with friendships age doesn't matter to me. I have a friend whom I'm already quite close to and I met them back in February, and they're only 15 (I'm almost 23). they were kinda surprised when they found out I'm 22 cause I look like I'm still in high school most of my close friends are at least a few years younger than me.
and ofc I have friends on this forum who are a lot younger/older than I am and I don't mind at all!

I don't think I would be comfortable being known a relationship w anyone under 18, even though I'm ace so it would be strictly romantic. I still would prefer to be with another adult, preferably around my age.

 

[nyx~]

In friendships it doesn't really bother me how old people are. Irl majority of my friends are my age, but that's mainly because I'm still in high school. Online I have friends up to like 10 years older than me. If we have similar interests and get along I don't see why age matters.

Relationships on the other hand I would not be comfortable with anyone above legal age, but that's because I'm a minor. Once someone is 18 I don't see any problem with age gaps if it's what the people in the relationship want.

 

[deana]

I think once all parties are in their late 20's/early 30's it's more okay to have a larger age gap. Because you aren't going from being a kid into being an adult anymore. Everyone has a good number of years under their belt and is more or less on a more similar playing field. Idk in my opinion the idea of being with someone in their early adult years while they're still kind of figuring things out, when you're in your 30s/40s hell maybe even late 20's, just feels borderline predatory to me, and I definitely see it as a red flag.

This is definitely the way I feel on this issue and I would even say for me this also applies to friendships not just romantic relationships. Even when I was in my early 20s I didn't feel comfortable being close to people in their late 20s because you can really feel so much of a difference (at least in my opinion). Now that I'm securely in my late 20s I think the youngest person I would want to be friends with would be maybe 20-22, for a close friendship that is. I just couldn't imagine trying to spill out my deepest thoughts and feelings about life and the universe to someone who is like 18 Obviously I still try to have friendly interactions with everyone of all ages, but I wouldn't actively build a friendship with someone much younger than me. Older is a lot easier though because as you put it, everyone has some more years life experience.

For romantic relationships I think the same rules apply as friendships but obviously attraction plays a lot in to this. Personally I just don't find myself attracted to people who are far from me in age, even if we otherwise get along great I just don't find myself romantically/physically attracted to them.

 

[cornimer]

I agree with what seems to be the consensus - age doesn't matter for friendships, but for relationships I'd say within 10 years once all parties are past 30, and maybe 3 years when one party is under 30. Like someone else said earlier in the thread, a lot of development happens between ages 18-30. Being 20 vs being 28 is two different ballgames.

 

[VanitasFan26]

I don't really care. I am 29 years old and even though I'm labeled as a "Young Adult" I still act pretty much the same as I've been since the days of High School. Of course I am more matured than I was than the last 10 years and I have I lost a lot of friends. I don't care about making friends since I see it as a "waste of time" in no way does this mean I don't like everyone its just that I suffer from trust issues and I had been hurt way too many times.

 

[~Kilza~]

For friendships, age difference isn't a big deal. My best friend is several years younger than me, I have some friends who are around the same age as me, and I have other friends who are several years older than me. Our ages don't negatively impact our friendship and how we get along.

For relationships, age difference is definitely a bigger deal. The actual ages of the people involved do matter, since there's a difference between a 20 year old dating a 40 year old, versus a 40 year old dating a 60 year old, despite the fact that both relationships have a 20 year difference between the two people. I'd say the whole "half your age plus 7" rule probably works well enough to determine the acceptable age difference between two people dating. My personal dating preference is the same age as me, though I'd allow for a range of +/- 5 years before I just go "okay no".

 

[Mr.Fox]

For friendships, same as the majority of the above.

For relationships...while it's true I do have a few personal objections, I also can't outright judge these people because you kinda just love who you love, you can't control it.
Whenever I see a young girl with an older man; however, I do question whether she is aware that he will most likely leave this plane of existence long before her.

 

[QueenCobra]

Personally, age differences don't matter in my friendships. I've been friends with people older, younger, and the same age as me. As long as they're kind and we have something in common, there's no problem.

Romantic relationships are different. I don't know much about them, but as long as two consenting adults are happy together, it's not really my place to say anything. I've always been attracted to people older than me, but I wouldn't feel comfortable being someone's nurse. Sorry if that sounds bad, but sometimes, with big (over 15 years) age gaps, that's what happens.

 

[Croconaw]

I'd say the whole "half your age plus 7" rule probably works well enough to determine the acceptable age difference between two people dating.

I’ve never heard of that rule before but I’d say it’s a good rule to follow. I looked it up and apparently it’s a general rule. I think some people want to have relationships with people closer to their age and not necessarily go by this rule, but it’s still a good rule to follow if you’re unsure. I don’t really have an age preference for dating.

 

[ali.di.magix]

As far as friendships go, age doesn't really matter to me. I'm 24, but I have friends who are 17-18 and friends who are 40+. I like sharing my life experiences and helping people who are younger, and I like talking to much older people and hearing their experiences and perspectives. If I get along well enough with someone, age doesn't really matter.