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Ethics of dm/pm offers

This has happened to me. It frustrates me, but I don't say anything. I'll post something, and for some reason can't PM people right away (once someone posts on my threads, I PM them as soon as I can). Or if I'm buying something from someone, and they're like, "I'm waiting for better offers." And sometimes it ends like this: "Sorry I got this thing/sold this thing to someone else."
 
yeah, i’m not super fond of pm offers either. it can be so annoying as a buyer to find out that someone else secretly PMed whoever the seller is and gave them a higher offer! it feels underhanded. i try to always keep my offers in public threads, as it feels more fair than hounding a person with PMs.
 
As a seller, I don't like to DM the other person asking for a higher price because it makes me feel greedy, it's always a first come first serve for me. But I always try to updates my threads really fast so this doesn't happen.
As a buyer, I dont really mind when someone turn my offer down. I don't understand why would someone DM instead of posting on the thread, though. There isn't a good reason except not wanting to bump the thread, as someone stated in the replies.
When hosting I always ask for people to reply the thread. Especially when I am hosting for something like Redd that people can't get something if someone got already. In these cases offer in DMs are really bad. It just makes everyone's life more difficult...
 
I've never had this happen to me. If I made a topic looking to catalog, buy, or trade, it would be under a first come first serve basis. If someone DM'd me and tried to make a better offer, I wouldn't take their offer if someone had already agreed to make a transaction.
 
I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with DM / PM offers. Sellers can accept or reject any offers they receive for whatever reason (such as a low-ball offer or an offer from someone with a bad rating), so if they want to pass on a publicly made offer for a privately made offer, it's their privilege to do so. Auctions are different since they have specific rules for selecting the buyer. I think the seller should be transparent and announce when the item is no longer available, but there's no rule stating the first person to post an offer has "dibs" on the item and no rule stating that offers must be public (unless it's an auction).
 
as a seller i try to keep offers through the public thread because it’s pretty unfair if someone swipes an item because they pmed with a higher price. i’ve had to decline a couple offers because people love just coming into my dms with “i’ll give you so and so if you sell to me” when i’ve already locked a trade with someone else like?? bro you see me finalizing a trade, why do you gotta try and swoop?
 
I totally get where you're coming from. It makes its frustrating because you think you made the best offer and "won" so to speak and out of nowhere it closes or you get booted. It's fine for people to make pm offers but I just prefer it when they're public because it's easier to follow and you can keep bidding if it calls for it.
 
I'm sorry to hear this happens or keeps happening to you.

I would agree that it does feel very disappointing. I think it can get tricky as a seller too. Unless clearly stated, do you prioritize public posts or who shows interest first? I think that's why it's important to state the rules for your auction, shop, etc very clearly and fairly.
 
It’s frustrating as a seller too, for a number of reasons. I specifically say I don’t want offers via PM or VM on my shop thread, but some people do anyway. I never know what to say at that point anymore, I’ve had people get upset with me when I mention to them that I prefer offers to be made within the thread (even though it’s specifically stated in my ‘guidelines’).
 
i think it's a little annoying but i don't think it's unethical
 
pm offers are against the rules in auctions (honestly that should be common sense, have no idea why people think its fine to do that) im not sure about general selling though.
when im selling things i dont really mind pm offers. i dont want to assume theyre trying to be sneaky right off the bat. if thats the first and last offer i get then its completely fine and if someone else offers i would tell them both about it, as a seller you have a responsibility to be transparent with everyone
 
Haggling in a thread where everyone can see feels tacky.

To me, that's the point of a thread if you're selling or buying and you're looking for the best offer, specially if you're trying to sell something because you're in need of bells, it just feels like a slap on the face (not that I can relate or anything like that... t.t). Personally, I've never considered PM'ing someone unless they say so on their thread such as "send me a dm if you're interested".

I prefer to have everything public since it protects both me and the other user by stating what is being traded.

Anyone could lie and make up offers to get a higher offer from you and that's just not cool. I just back out at that point.

Very true! I hadn't considered that!
I think this is very rude. I made a couple of buying threads and got some people offering me a better deal privately through pms, but I politely declined them because I already committed to another trade.
Thank you!
You're not even supposed to make dm/pm offers, I got a warning for it.. :/
I think that might just be for auctions 🤔
In my situation I was trying to sell item and then suddenly I got declined, no warning, no counteroffer, at least in my case they always let me know they found a better offer and don't just ghost me.
This has happened to me. It frustrates me, but I don't say anything. I'll post something, and for some reason can't PM people right away (once someone posts on my threads, I PM them as soon as I can). Or if I'm buying something from someone, and they're like, "I'm waiting for better offers." And sometimes it ends like this: "Sorry I got this thing/sold this thing to someone else."
I personally try not to ask for the same thing someone else is requesting, sure, I might miss out on certain items, but I know I'll find them eventually!
As a buyer, I dont really mind when someone turn my offer down. I don't understand why would someone DM instead of posting on the thread, though. There isn't a good reason except not wanting to bump the thread, as someone stated in the replies.
I wish I didn't care, and to some extent I really don't, just feels like a momentary slap in the face .-.
I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with DM / PM offers. Sellers can accept or reject any offers they receive for whatever reason (such as a low-ball offer or an offer from someone with a bad rating), so if they want to pass on a publicly made offer for a privately made offer, it's their privilege to do so. Auctions are different since they have specific rules for selecting the buyer. I think the seller should be transparent and announce when the item is no longer available, but there's no rule stating the first person to post an offer has "dibs" on the item and no rule stating that offers must be public (unless it's an auction).
I don't think that private offers are terrible, I just wished that people would specify whether they were taking private offers or not. I could've been the one to send the PM and gotten the sale you know, I just chose to go publicly about it.
I'm sorry to hear this happens or keeps happening to you.

I would agree that it does feel very disappointing. I think it can get tricky as a seller too. Unless clearly stated, do you prioritize public posts or who shows interest first? I think that's why it's important to state the rules for your auction, shop, etc very clearly and fairly.
That's a very good way to look at it.
It’s frustrating as a seller too, for a number of reasons. I specifically say I don’t want offers via PM or VM on my shop thread, but some people do anyway. I never know what to say at that point anymore, I’ve had people get upset with me when I mention to them that I prefer offers to be made within the thread (even though it’s specifically stated in my ‘guidelines’).
Yes! A lot of people do not read specifications on a thread (to be fully transparent I'm guilty of this, but I'm trying to get better at it!).
i think it's a little annoying but i don't think it's unethical
Yeah... I guess it seems more 'rude' than anything.
 
They should not be allowed.. People should know what they are bidding against and not a phantom buyer and number that may not even really exist...
 
Yeah, I had items bought out from under me via PM a few times. It is frustrating.

I feel like all trading deals should be done publicly. That way it's fair. Only the arranging to meet up and sharing Dodo codes should be private.
 
To me, that's the point of a thread if you're selling or buying and you're looking for the best offer, specially if you're trying to sell something because you're in need of bells, it just feels like a slap on the face (not that I can relate or anything like that... t.t). Personally, I've never considered PM'ing someone unless they say so on their thread such as "send me a dm if you're interested".

I look at the thread as an invitation to PM an offer to the person.
It's a forum, yes, but it still feels odd/tacky.. haggling in public.

I always put "PM me" in my topics.

Each to their own though. :)
 
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