The out of context quotes thread

As soon as you’re in your pressboard coffin, I’ll be the sole survivor, and the treasure will be mine.

Over my dead body it will!

That’s exactly the point- oh, Simpson, can’t you go five seconds without humiliating yourself?

*his overalls snap and his pants fall down*

…how long was that?
 
Sorry to crowd you, boy, but I’ll let you in on a secret. Burns is after me ‘cause he wants the Hellfish bonanza.

Look, if you’re going to stay in my room, could you at least stop making up gibberish?

Gibberish, eh? Then what’s this? *pulls up sleeve to show him his tattoo*

Wrinkly gibberish?
 
Where are you two going at this hour?

On a treasure hunt.

Ooh, can I come?

Only if you’re ready to stare danger in the face, put your manhood to the ultimate test, and take-

Pass. *walks away*
 
Get off of my planet, this is your last chance!

I’m gonna go ahead and slide out of my pants!

That’s it, you’re all ****ing dead!

What? This room feels stuffy. By the way, do you like puppies? Here’s a basket of puppies!

*Kraid gets lasered by Samus*

Whoops… killed the puppies.
 
Doesn’t it bother you even a little to be taking advantage of your girlfriend’s trust?

*laughs* Oh, wait, you’re serious. Let me laugh even harder. *laughs harder*
 
Blecch! These candies are chalky and unpleasant!

And what is this emotion you humans call “wuv?”

Surely it says “love.”

No, “wuv,” with an Earth “w.” Behold.

This concept of “wuv” confuses and infuriates us!
 
"And so, these beings are called T.U.R.D.S."

"What are T.U.R.D.S.?"

"They are.... Terrestrial Underdog Reptile Donkeys..."

"Rick, this show seems kind of boring and weird..."

"You're just NOW noticing that, Morty? We've been watching this for the past two hours. The remote is right next to you. Just pick up the remote and change the channel! Geez, it doesn't take a genius scientist to figure that one out."

*Morty gives him a look*
 
Coming up next on Schmloo's The Schmloss, Schmlony has a nightmare!
'SCHMLANTHA! SCHMLONA!'
'Amazing! A dimension where all proper nouns begin with Schmla.'
'Schmlangela? Schmlonathon?'
'Alright that got...that, that actually got old pretty quickly.'
 
“Those jerks locked me in the closet and forgot about me! I was stuck in there with a bunch of old coats and Clara’s golf umbrella which I renamed the Expandable Pleasure Wand.”
*Toot reaches down and her body suddenly turns into an umbrella shape as sultry background music plays*
 
Uh, look, Planet Express Ship, this might not be the best time, but, well, I really like you and whatever, but I think we should just be friends.

Noooooooo!

So, we’re cool?
 
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