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Critique my Characters

Beardo

Tikki, spots on!
Joined
Dec 25, 2013
Posts
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March Birthstone (Aquamarine)
Winter Mittens
Tasty Cake
Pumpkin Cupcake
Ancient Candle
Voodoo Doll
August Birthstone (Peridot)
Name: Mary Onette
Age: 27
Sex: Female
Race: White
Sexual Orientation: Pansexual
Current status: In a relationship
Birth date: 3/27
Birth place: Maryland
Occupation: Seamstress
Hobbies/Pastimes: Sewing, Running her shop, dancing
Talents/Skills/Powers: Sewing, dancing, occasional modeling
Backstory:
Mary grew up in Maryland, and had big dreams to be a dancer. That's why she moved to Chicago at 18. She always had a great sense of style and a passion for all things clothing related. Her favorite part of dancing was receiving her costumes before performances. Mary was never good at many things, and her talent for dancing took over half of her life to develop, but she always had a knack for sewing. Something about designing clothing or anything made out of fabric felt good to Mary. She decided once she got to Chicago she'd take a chance and just go for it. Instead of majoring in dance like she planned, she went for sewing. That decision sparked her inspiration, and inspired her to open her shop. After finishing college Mary got an apartment attached to a large shop area, and opened her own store. Of course, that was expensive, so she did some work in costume design for a large local theater.

Height: 6'3
Weight: 184
Build: Curvy
Skin: Light
Hair: Brown
Ears: Medium, not very noticeable
Eyes: Grey
Mouth: Small top lip, medium sized bottom lip
Describe their smile: Awkward side-smile
Hands: Small

Feet: Big, size 11
Tattoos/Scars: Scars on her hands from constantly stabbing herself with a sewing needle
Glasses/Contacts: None
Left/Right handed: Left
Distinguishing features: Height (6?3?)
Style: High class, flashy, revealing
How does s/he dress or what do they typically wear?
Short dress/skirt/shorts, some kind of low-cut top, and any shoe with a heel

Jewelry: Cat necklace
Health: Good, but a bit of a weak immune system
Hygiene: Really good
Physical Flaws: "Hog body", very muscular legs but weak arms
Physical Qualities: Carries herself confidently, uses her hands a lot while talking,

Habits/OCDs/Obsessions: Constantly chews on the skin around her fingers, plays with her hair a lot, has an obsession with her reflection (whenever there's a mirror, she's looking in it)
Voice: Deep and expressive
Intelligence Level: Very high
Known Languages: English (but can imitate a few accents well)

Musical talents/instruments: Decent singer, plays the banjo
Likes: Art, musicals, cartoons, cotton candy, sweets, puppets, cuddling, tea, stuffed animals, sewing, clothing, shoes, drag
Dislikes: The dark, being alone, losing (is a sore loser)
Mode of transportation: Subway or taxi
Describe character?s sense of morals: Pretty good
? Cynical: When talking to others, Mary will go out of her way to act like she doesn?t care. And most of the time, she doesn?t. She looks down on most others, partially to cover up her self-esteem issues, but partially because she?s so disgusted with other people. It?s a bit hypocritical, since she?s not too nice to others and isn?t doing anything special for the world, but she feels that everyone?s too caught up with themselves to look at the big picture and help things.
? Huffy: For someone who acts like she?s rough and tough, Mary is easily hurt. She just doesn?t like to show it. Inside she?s a bit of a baby. She doesn?t handle criticism well and hates nothing more than being insulted. She can even get pouty over friendly insults
? Lazy: Mary is very inspired and full of ideas. She just doesn?t feel like acting on them most of the time. With all her big ideas, she could do something huge. But, without having the recourses placed in front of her and a lot of help, these nice ideas go down the drain.
? Insecure: One of the big things that holds Mary back is her insecurity. She always doubts herself and is scared to really go above and beyond because she thinks she?ll fall flat on her face. Embarrassment is her biggest fear.
? Reckless: Thinking before she acts is not one of Mary?s strong suits. She is very impulsive and hates planning more than anything. Mary doesn?t really think about the future when making a decision, and often pays the price later.
? Focused: Mary can take all her energy and put it into a project. Though she can?t get something done all in one sitting, the quality of the work is well worth the wait. The planning for her projects (like an outfit) is usually rushed, and she instead likes to fix things as she goes along.
? Curious: Mary is mediocre at a lot of different things, just because at one point in her life she became curious. She?s a jack of all trades in a sense, and can actually pick things up very easily. When she finds an interest in something, Mary will obsess for months at a time, pick up a skill, then move onto something else at the drop of a hat.
? Funny: Mary has an awesome sense of humor. She thrives off of making her friends laugh, and though she can get huffy, Mary loves self-deprecating jokes and uses them a lot. Most of her jokes come through sarcasm and dryness, but she can appeal to anyone really.
? Passionate: When it comes to friends and family, Mary is fiercely loyal. She will stop at nothing to keep these people safe and happy. She?s like a fireball with her lovers, and is very protective of her friends. Whether it be sewing, or someone?s safety, Mary will put her all into things she really cares about.
? Creative: Mary is full of ideas and new ways to do things. She?s ingenious and loves to share her concepts with others. Nothing makes her feel better than completing a project, especially when she?s praised on it. This creativity makes being around her a ton of fun since she?s always got a crazy new idea to share.
Spontaneous or structured?
Very spontaneous
Instinctual or logical?
Impulsive and very low self control

How does the character view life?
As a time to do as many things as possible and have a lot of stories to tell from a lot of interesting experiences, and a chance to leave a mark.

How does the character view death?
The end, no more.

How does the character view society?
A lot of misinformed people and sheep

What does the character want out of life?
Love, success, happiness, and an exciting time. Strives to accept herself and be comfortable with who she is.

How is she perceived by?
Strangers?
Rude, but really she's just nervous and awkward out in public when she's alone. When she's with friends, loud and outgoing

Friends?
Loyal, but not always reliable. A little bit lacking in social skills

Coworker/Colleague?
Definitely likes to do things her own way, which isn't fun to deal with

Lovers?
Very passionate and devoted
(Section below is optional)
Birthparent(s):
Annalise and Oliver Onette

Are they still alive?
Yes

Did they raise this character?
Yes

What did they do for a living?
Annalise was a journalist and Oliver was a voice actor
How did each parent treat the character, growing up?
Annalise was a lot less strict and more calm. Though, she was a lot more "mature" than Oliver, who was constantly joking around with Mary and passing on his twisted sense of humor. They were both older when they had Mary, which made them very wise. Oliver struggled with a lot of anxiety and depression, which made him distant and angry a lot of the time. But, it was only for short episodes that came at random.

Relationships with other characters:
Aliza Rajar, girlfriend

What was this character?s life like before something, if anything, happened to change it all:
Before she met Aliza, and after she finished high school, Mary suffered what her dad did, depression. She distanced herself from other people, became anti social, and an emotional wreck until she finished college, opened her shop, and met Aliza, who got her medicated and helped her be less lonely.

Name: Aliza-Jane Rajar
Age: 24
Sex: Female
Race: Black
Sexual Orientation: Lesbian
Current status: In a relationship
Birth date: 5/11
Birth place: Hawaii
Occupation: Model
Hobbies/Pastimes: Photography, reading, bartending
Talents/Skills/Powers: Photography, modeling, mixing drinks
Backstory: Aliza-Jane was born in Hawaii. She was a very happy and passionate kid. At age 11, she started modeling. Aside from modeling, the only other thing Aliza really enjoyed doing was taking photos. Though she was smart and kind, Aliza was fairly distant and independent. She preferred doing things by herself, and was stubborn when working with others. School was tough for her since she really preferred being alone and discovering things herself. After graduating high school, Aliza skipped college and moved to Chicago to start modeling. She met her girlfriend, Mary Onette, through a modeling gig where Mary made her outfits. The two hit it off, and Aliza got into one of the closest relationships she?d ever been in.
Height: 5'8
Weight: 132
Build: Stick-thin
Skin: Light brown
Hair: Pink
Ears: Small
Eyes: Green
Mouth: Big lips
Describe their smile: Wide, but kinda shy
Hands: Small
Feet: Petite, size 8
Tattoos/Scars:
Glasses/Contacts: None
Left/Right handed: Left
Distinguishing features: Hair style and color
Style (Elegant, shabby, etc): High class and girly
How does s/he dress or what do they typically wear?: Long, elegant, dresses and skirts, plus boots or heels
Jewelry: None
Other accessories: Usually wearing a headband to keep her hair out of her face and pulled back
Health: Extremely healthy
Hygiene: Really good
Physical Flaws: Incredibly thin and kind of weak
Physical Qualities: Very small movements and hand gestures
Habits/OCDs/Obsessions: Tapping on things, playing with her hands
Voice: Quiet and melodic
Intelligence Level: High
Known Languages: English, Hawaiian
Musical talents/instruments: Very good sense of rhythm
Likes: Clothing, the beach, sun, water, drinking, cuddling, shoes, odd hair colors
Dislikes: The cold, rain, uncomfortable mattresses, being tired, being hungry
Mode of transportation: Subway or taxi
Describe character?s sense of morals: Pretty good
Describe character?s sense of self-control. Spontaneous or structured? Instinctual or logical?: Logical compared to her girlfriend. Thinks before she acts or speaks, and makes logical decisions
? Distant: Aliza is happiest when she?s alone. She likes to keep to herself, even around friends and family. Being so quiet and withdrawn makes her difficult to read, so it?s hard for people to know how she really feels
? Shy: When it comes to meeting new people, Aliza struggles. She can?t seem to really make a connection with people unless they really try to get to know her. She relies on others to reach out to her and take the first step in any relationship.
? Pushover: Aliza tries to avoid conflict at all cost. She lets people push her around and does what they ask to avoid confrontation. This, mixed with her lack of outside emotions, makes her seem easy to manipulate.
? Outspoken: Aliza?s quiet nature often leaves her viewpoints un-represented. She may have an incredible idea to share, but doesn?t want to try and overshadow someone else. Aliza?s responses and ideas are all kept neatly in her head when they can?t be said out loud.
? Kind: Aliza is very polite, even through her seemingly cold outside. She takes others into consideration over herself most of the time, and will put herself into an uncomfortable situation to save someone else. Of course, this can get her into trouble when she bites off more than she can chew, but it always appreciated by friends
? Smart: When Aliza opens up and is willing to share ideas, people realize how smart she is. She?s a very logical person and uses her head more than her heart. Even with her insistence to avoid conflicts, Aliza strives to prove herself as right in the nicest way possible. She?s talented at math and science and helps her girlfriend run a successful business.
? Open-minded: Aliza is extremely accepting of others and always loves to hear people?s views on things. Of course, she isn?t afraid to challenge others, but it?s more of a way to compare their views than to try and fight. She thinks people should be able to believe in whatever they want and do what they want, as long as it isn?t hurting someone else.
? Calm: Even in stressful situations, Aliza always seems calm on the outside. She is able to throw her emotions out and handle things logically and make an effective plan. This keeps her going and is also comforting to others.
Worrier: Aliza can find something to worry about anywhere. It keeps her occupied, thinking up the scariest scenario that could happen in her current location. She?s a little jumpy in new places because of all these unaddressed concerns.
How does the character view life? Something to make the most of
How does the character view death? Something terrifying
How does the character view society? Needs a lot of improvement
What does the character want out of life? A happy ending
How is s/he perceived by?
Strangers? Quiet and reserved, shy
Friends? Total sweetheart and fun to be around
Coworker/Colleague? Does what she's told, and gets it done efficiently and quickly
Lovers? Strong and easy to love
Birthparents: Xylia and Leandre Rajar
Are they still alive? Yes
Did they raise this character? Yes
What did they do for a living? They both ran and owned a small bar together
Relationships with other characters: Mary Onette, girlfriend
What was this character?s life like before something, if anything, happened to change it all: Aliza's move to Chicago had a big impact on her life. She was ready to start a career and finally felt confident

Name: Casiodora Cecily Fawn
Age: 22
Sex: Female
Race: White
Sexual Orientation: Asexual
Current status: Single
Birth date: 1/2
Birth place: Unknown
Occupation: None
Hobbies/Pastimes: Magic, singing
Talents/Skills/Powers: Voodoo, transformation
Backstory: Casi was born into a witch cult in an unknown location. There were no men in the cult. You were either formed inside your mother using magic, or your mother chose a random male to get pregnant from. The stronger witches made the children themselves, but since Casi's mom's magic was more voodoo based, she couldn't make the child. Somehow, instead of a normal man, Casi's mom ended up with a male magic user, which made Casi some kind of prodigy when she was born. All witches sacrificed their daughter's father's to strengthen their child's magic, so when the wizard was over powered and burned in the end, Casi was blessed with incredible strength. In her early years, she was treated as a queen and learned to use her magic very early. All the other girls shunned her because they didn't like all the praise and special treatment she got. But, at age 8, Casi burned out her magic. She had overused it at such a young age (since she didn't realize at her age you need to preserve it) it became locked away inside her. She was now vulnerable to her peers, shunned by those who used to praise her, and rendered useless. At age 15, when the other witches went to go train and use their magic, Casi was just left to struggle with her problems. In that time, she started to train. She began to replace her lack of magic with brute strength. At age 17, Casi escaped the cult. She could now easily defend herself against other magic users.
Through some experiences in her early 20's she realized she could use her voodoo in intense situations. She was walking home in the city, when someone grabbed her. They held their hand over her mouth and told her to lift her skirt. But, before he could do anything else, Casi pushed him off, started to run, and managed to control him. The man threw himself in front of a car and was ran over. Since then, every once in a while, Casi is able to control someone for a brief minute. In terms of transformation, she can change her appearance slightly whenever she wants. Things like hair, eye color, and clothing are easy.
Height: 6'1
Weight: 152
Build: Curvy
Skin: Pale white
Hair: Blonde
Ears: Small
Eyes: Green
Mouth: Big lips
Describe their smile: The smile of a troublemaker
Hands: Medium
Feet: Size 10
Tattoos/Scars: Scars on her back from making blood sacrifices, tattoo of a wiccan symbol on her neck
Glasses/Contacts: None
Left/Right handed: Left
Distinguishing features: Outfits, tattoo
Style (Elegant, shabby, etc): Gothic
How does s/he dress or what do they typically wear?: Black, frilly dresses, that are more elegant than costume-y
Jewelry: None
Other accessories: Hat with a wiccan symbol she wears during the colder seasons, same with her cape
Health: Extremely healthy
Hygiene: Really good
Physical Flaws: Scars on her back
Physical Qualities: Very small movements and hand gestures
Habits/OCDs/Obsessions: Extremely jumpy and paranoid, usually keeps her hands in fists
Voice: Smooth and low
Intelligence Level: Average
Known Languages: English
Musical talents/instruments: Beautiful singing voice
Likes: Snow, dim lighting, rain, wind, drinking, pulling off a spell
Dislikes: Very hot weather, being in crowded places, being touched
? Paranoid: After escaping the cult, Casi sleeps with one eye open. She isn?t sure if the others are going to come and kill her, but she?s easily scared and jumpy. This can make her come off as suspicious to most people
? Emotional: Though she tends to keep to herself, Casi?s emotions are always clear and obvious. All of her feelings are out in the open, and when she needs to, she isn?t afraid to be blunt.
? Blunt: Casi hates nothing more than lying. She likes to keep things open and honest with people. Honesty is one of the most important qualities in a friend to her. But, her honesty is more brutally honest and her ?constructive criticism? of things ends up being critique. She isn?t afraid to let loose and let others know how she really feels.
? Spacey: It?s easy for Casi to get lost in her feelings and thoughts. She tends to lose track of time when she gets to thinking. Others get frustrated by her constantly spacing off.
? Deep: Casi is often described as deep and sentimental by her friends. She enjoys immersing herself in the emotional sides of things. She finds it easy to give something value based on experiences with it.
? Loyal: Because she has trouble making connections with people, Casi is always loyal to those she befriends. She can get very protective over those she invests emotions in, and is a very reliable person.
? Imaginative: Casi is a talented storyteller and loves to make up scenarios in her head. As a kid, she loved nothing more than playing pretend, and she still does as an adult. She can always use her imagination to turn something boring into something fun

Mode of transportation: Walking or driving
Describe character?s sense of morals: Pretty good
Describe character?s sense of self-control. Spontaneous or structured? Instinctual or logical?: Acts on her feelings and instincts
How does the character view life? Quick and painful
How does the character view death? Hasn't formed much of an opinion/thoughts
How does the character view society? Confused and sick people
What does the character want out of life? Live out the rest of her life as safely as possible
How is s/he perceived by?
Strangers? Odd and intimidating
Friends? Cold, distant, but loyal
Coworker/Colleague? Does what she's told, and gets it done efficiently and quickly
Lovers? Distant and hard to reach
Birthparents: Orianna Fawn and Greyven Matthers
Are they still alive? Mother is
Did they raise this character? Sort of
What did they do for a living? Father was dead, mother part of the cult
What was this character?s life like before something, if anything, happened to change it all: Scary and depressing before she escaped the cult

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Warning: All the spoiler contain large amounts of text/large images
 
Only read through the first two, but they seem very well made! Mary seems like a good, uncommon character~
 
Only read through the first two, but they seem very well made! Mary seems like a good, uncommon character~

Wait..... Didn't you say something like you were ignoring them because they were an idiot or something??? And that was like a week ago.



As for characters, they are very well made. I read through all three, and they sound like really good characters. What story are you using them for? If i could know.
 
As for characters, they are very well made. I read through all three, and they sound like really good characters. What story are you using them for? If i could know.

Wow, thanks so much! It means a lot <3

They're just OC's, and I use them for RP, writing, art, all kinds of things! Plus, just having them is fun
 
Wait..... Didn't you say something like you were ignoring them because they were an idiot or something??? And that was like a week ago.



As for characters, they are very well made. I read through all three, and they sound like really good characters. What story are you using them for? If i could know.
They're on my block list-I can view their posts if I want to.
 
I say this a lot, but do they have a backstory or something? The main thing about characters isn't what traits they have, but why they have them. When figuring out reasons for character traits you usually come across trait combinations that could make them a mary sue, and this will be good to developing your characters more :)

Other than that, your characters seem pretty intersting :D
 
I say this a lot, but do they have a backstory or something? The main thing about characters isn't what traits they have, but why they have them. When figuring out reasons for character traits you usually come across trait combinations that could make them a mary sue, and this will be good to developing your characters more :)

Other than that, your characters seem pretty intersting :D

Thanks! And yeah, the stories are listed~
 
Wow, thanks so much! It means a lot <3

They're just OC's, and I use them for RP, writing, art, all kinds of things! Plus, just having them is fun

Ah yes, i agree. Unfortunately I accidentally deleted my characters lol But when you make something, i would like to see it!
 
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