When do you consider someone a friend?

[LadyDestani]

I think there are different levels of friendship.

I have a lot of acquaintances, as in people I am friendly with and they are friendly with me, but we don't usually talk beyond the typical small talk or hang out together. We are brought together because of work or some other function and we are friendly but it doesn't go any further.

I have had a few "work friends" over the years as well, but you could also use "school friends" or any other place where you come into contact with the same people regularly. These are people who I genuinely like and can talk to more easily, but I'm still somewhat guarded. We may hang out on breaks or take our lunches together and we talk about certain hobbies or things that we have in common. But that's where the bond ends. Neither of us really opens up completely about personal issues and these friendships are likely to end as soon as I'm not working in close proximity to these people anymore.

Then, there are just friends. These are people who I enjoy being with and hang out with them regularly outside of work, school, etc or just talk to them often if it's an online friendship. I choose to spend time with these people and I may open up to them a bit more. I won't let them in on every deep, dark secret I have, but I generally feel comfortable being myself around them. These friends usually last a bit longer and we may stay in touch even if someone moves, changes jobs, or whatever.

Finally, I have had a handful of true or best friends in my life. These are people who I have spent a good amount of time with and become completely comfortable around them. We can talk about the things we wouldn't tell anyone else because we trust one another. These friendships have stood the test of time, but even still sometimes they fade out eventually. Too much distance and different experiences that can change perspectives mean that even these friendships don't always last forever. But they should be appreciated while you have them, because true friends are hard to come by.

 

[SkyKnight03]

All they must do is buy me lunch or dinner, or breakfast.

 

[DarkDesertFox]

I would say for me, someone I got to know and hang out with (either physically or online) that I think is a genuinely good person. You don't have to interact with me constantly for me to consider you a friend. I still think very highly and think about some friends of mine I haven't talked to in quite some time. I have a very hard time making and maintaining friendships in general though. I am a very low energy individual and can only handle so many interactions after work or a long week. I don't ghost people on purpose, but sadly it does happen when I forget to respond. I keep saying I'll respond soon and sadly more time passes where it feels weird replying at all. That's why the best friendships I make are people who are willing to take the initiative and message me first a lot. Anyways, yeah, it really depends. Like you said, I have coworkers who I consider friends but we would definitely drift apart if one of us moved to a different job. Though that would not make me think any less of them if we did not talk for awhile.

 

[Neb]

With some friends it took a few months, while for others I felt like I was their friend right away. It just depends on when it feels natural to talk to them.

 

[Chris]

If I enjoy talking with someone casually, or would go for a coffee or pint with them besides just killing time on a break, then I more often than not consider them a friend.

I'm very chatty and open online, but I consider very few people that I speak to online as friends. There are only three people I even speak to one-on-one - and they're all TBT users. I'd much rather invest my time in people I can spend time with in person.

 

[TurnipBell20]

I consider someone a friend when they consider me a friend, and I get along with them well. I usually wait for affirmation from their side before I start viewing them as a friend. I once met a person who I spent two days with, and she said to me that I am her best friend. We’re still best friends almost 2 years later. I sometimes ask people if we’re friends. Some don’t understand why I even ask, but I simply don’t want to use this term for people who don’t view me as a friend, too.

I wouldn’t call any of my former classmates or current work colleagues friends. I get along with them, but our relationship is more on the professional side. I wouldn’t make an effort to get to know them better personally. We don’t tell each other anything too personal as well, and that’s fine in my opinion.

 

[nightglow]

If they are willing to go places with me or do things with me, or willing to come over for dinner, then they are a friend. It is amazing how many times people say stuff but not do these things. However I also understand everyone defines things differently. I have met people who considers others a friend if they simply get along well and have similar interests or viewpoints and that's it. I've also had others call me a friend just for being a decent human. Sometimes it makes you kinda think about what "friend" is. And I think adults see friends differently than kids do. Maybe my perspective of friend is too juvenile or too attached since it seems like so many adults view friends differently than me. Maybe all that "friend" is in the adult world, is just being friendly.

For me to consider someone an online friend, we need to actually communicate back and forth frequently through comments or pms and not just click the add friend button or follow button and leave it at that. Online stuff is alot more casual and probably more realistic. I should work on making friends. It was much easier on Facebook than Twitter, but most people I follow on Twitter is just art and gamedev stuff, busy people.

 

[Kitsuragi]

to me, it comes down to trust! if i feel like i can trust someone with a piece of info, a secret, or something like a personal possession, then i can consider them a friend. or if i find that i want to reach out to somebody and i think of them to turn to, thats also a friend to me.

 

[Belle T]

I tend to be fairly loose with the word "friend," which some may take as cheapening the meaning of the word. But I only do so because I really do value my interactions with people on all different levels of familiarity. But when I say "friend," I might not mean a close or intimate friend. I suppose my indicator for someone being a friend on that level is more a gut feeling than a measured calculation. There are people I've known for years who still don't quite meet that criteria in my eyes, and some people that I've known for less time that have quickly risen to those ranks. It's not even to say that I value one group over the other, but I suppose the ones I would consider particularly close could are characterized to me by the comfort I have in expressing my feelings towards them.

Of course, this gut feeling has been wrong before, and will probably be wrong again, but it's also been exceedingly right before. So I guess it's impossible to really tell sometimes. But I think there's a beauty in that, as well. How do I know I can trust this person completely? I don't, but I'm choosing to do so anyway. It's never not scary to put your trust in someone, but it has to be done sometimes. Without going into detail, I've come to realize that the cliche of "If I don't trust anyone, I won't feel hurt when they betray me" to be a fallacy. Not because people are individually better than you might think, though I think there is something to that, but namely because it's like saying if I set myself on fire, the sun can't burn me. You don't actually spare yourself any heartache from it, even if you think that's what you're doing at the time. You're just hurting yourself in other ways, while getting nothing out of it.

To summarize, then, there's no real indicator of friendship for me. I just have to feel it. Which--I should note--does not mean that I don't also evaluate and make informed decisions about who I let in. Obviously, don't make friends with dangerous people and think "Well, maybe I'll just see how it goes."