I'm worried about starting Weight Watchers with a family friend, because I know they will eventually stop taking me and I have no way to get there. I'm also afraid of not being able to keep it up on my own when they do stop taking me, because I have no self-motivation.
What's Bothering You?
- Thread starter Kaiaa
- Start date
- Status
BlueWolf101
Do you really want to live forever?
Disclaimer: I have nothing against Asians.
At work yesterday, a trio of Asians came in wearing doctors' masks. Knowing it was a trend to wear those at some point, I helped them find a pair of shoes, and they politely removed their masks to speak with me.
I found out through a coworker that they told her they had the flu and that's why they were wearing the masks.
I'm sick today. :c
At work yesterday, a trio of Asians came in wearing doctors' masks. Knowing it was a trend to wear those at some point, I helped them find a pair of shoes, and they politely removed their masks to speak with me.
I found out through a coworker that they told her they had the flu and that's why they were wearing the masks.
I'm sick today. :c
ShinyYoshi
🌺🌺🌺🌺
I have a presentation tomorrow morning that I haven't prepared for at all and I have the worst headache I've had in a while so trying to sort everything out is killing me right now.
Also people outside my building blaring crappy music??? wyd
Also people outside my building blaring crappy music??? wyd
KaydeeKrunk
The Late Great Turt
I'm wearing this shirt that is really well tailored to me and has a neck that goes around the back of my neck and then v's a bit at the front, but since it's tailored to go under my HUGE boobs they pull on the bit that goes on the back of my neck so all night I have been awkwardly lifting my boobs and trying to loosen the bit pulling my neck down cause I am going to get a huge knot in the position I have to be at the computer... X.X If only I had the money to reduce these bad boys... even though everyone thinks that's a crime against humanity.
Kittyinpink87
Animal Lover
I have a headache
KiloPatches
Senior Member
*Domino Effect* I guess
So I VW'd from my Winter 2015 classes last term..... because I had kidney stones followed by a pinched nerve that put me out of school for 9 weeks..... yeah, academically, its hard to recover from that..... so I was advised to VW. Which by my student loans put me on "financial academic probation" because eve though that was a wise move and my grades were in "good standing", I did not fulfill the terms of my contract with my loans - remain full time throughout the year. But I had a meical appeal. Extenuating circumstances for my withdrawal. And I gave Financial Aid ALL my supporting documentation back in April/May. Its still sitting on the desk. I have Student Disability Services now advocating for me, I had to re-obtain ALL those documents and re-write my letter of intent. Because my loans are on hold. For Fall 2015, and any subsequent terms. AND I have an overpayment to them, apparently. Give me a break. Oh, but they can't simply subtract that overpayment mount from my loan amount estimate for that year.
So I registered full time this term. Confirmed enrollment. I owe $3700 in tuition by Winter. Or I can't register. Registration is open, classes are filling up, I will be on wait lists once I get the cleaance to register once my tuition is paid. Fine.
Not gettong student loans means not meeting the requirements for Work Study, which is how I have sought employment for the past 5 years. The deadline was Oct 19, for both Fall and Winter applications. Since my loans were still on hold, I was not accepted. And I could not be hired with the prof I have worked for the past 5 years. I am unemployed. In the city with the highest unemployment rate in the country.
So.... Because I turned 25 last September, Canada Pension Orphan Benefit no longer suppliments me with $236 monthly "allowances" from the government as of October. So I have no income. Whatsoever. Basically.
The Student Drug Plan at the university changed, no longer covers my prescriptions 100%...... Every single week I have to pay out of pocket.
Because I have no student loans, also, I am not qulified for the Bursary For Students with Disabuilities.... BSWD.... for therapy.... $2000/two semesters. So $100/session I am indebted to my therapist for now, until further notice until I get my loans and the BSWD is processed. And I can pay her.
Because right now my AVAILABLE balance is something like -$1,1000. Note the NEGATIVE sign. Oh, and I have $500 Overdraft. Heh....
Tried to CASH (not deposit) a $100 cheque today. I couldn't. Only deposit. You know why? Because the National Student Loans Service Centre (NSLSC) has been making $590 withdrawals rom my account every WEEK (once on Nov 2nd, once on the 9th) and each time, I get an NSF fee of $48 charged to my account..... because I simply don't have that kinda money. Wht is dumb is that is a clrical error..... I shouldn't be in repayment for my loans until I am OUT of school for 4 months. I am confirmed, registered, full time, in good standing. WTF, NSLSC..... I AM SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR ****!!!! YOU ACTUALLY OWE ME MONEY!!!!! LIKE IN THE BALLPARK OF $8000!!!!! SO STFU WITH THIS!!!!!!! The bank told me for $20 I can block these payments. I gave her a blank stare, saying I kinda can give her $20, given that I just deposited $100..... Oh but NO..... since I was well beyond overdraft.... It doesn't count..... I basically burned $100. Considering my common-law doesn't get paid till Friday, we were kinda relying on $100 cash to get food or something, because we don't have much to eat, really. Oh.... and bus fare. Before I had a chance, she had stamped the cheque, I couldn't retract it and deposit it elsewhere......
So...... I not only owe my university $3700...... I owe my landlord $2900...... yeah, that is like 4 months rent..... Because OSAP was delayed we were unable to pay October/November. (The other 2 months is an entirely different story). Yeah..... that is 1/3 of a year. That is enough for an eviction notice.
I am going to lose my ****. Did I mention I have been on Financial Aid's a** about this since April/May? Yeah.... its NOVEMBER. USELESS.
So other stuff......
People "ghosting" on me..... generally disappearing from my life..... perpetuating feelings of worthlessness..... not allowing for closure.....
People.......in general..... making be feel like ****...... either making me feel plotted against, secretly hated, annoyed at, like my needs don't matter, like I should be silenced, like I am a failure in practically every sphere of my life.
I am typically a very, very reliable and dependable person. I can't even so much as respond to an email or PM or VM (even on here), without having a panic attack, or having crippling anxiety, but its worse for the **** that matters, like getting in touch with profs or supervisors. And I usually rock at professional letter writing if I just sit down and DO IT! OMG! WHAT IS GOING ON?!?! I can't meet deadlines. I can't commit. My guild is lacking the structure that made it thrive over the summer. Not to mention, the persona that made it so united.
Self-care and even maintenance like eating makes me feel selfish. Doing things I enjoy makes me feel awful. Fulfilling goals and accomplishments makes me feel worse afterwards. That is a serious sign of dysfunction. Not just cognitive either. I don't enjoy anything. I am indecisive about everthing. But incredibly aware of my symptoms and how they have progressed over the past few months. I record qualitative and quantitative data.
My cousin's birthday would have been Nov 7th. He died 2 years last January. Some very hard truths have surfaced in that time.
And then thre is the sick anticipation that looms over me of my friend who is sufferring from Cancer and will likely be dead by spring. I made a thread about it. To share his inspirational story. That thread was closed, by a mod, for what I felt were rather insensitive reasons. But I won't argue the case.
I feel very alone, very isolated..... even unloved, even by those closest to me. If you can believe it.
I feel guilt. I take blame for practically everything. I see the humanity behind everyone else's faults. Even abusive ones. Which essentially makes them excusable. And they can therefore do no wrong. It is ME that must take accountability. For EVERYTHING. That is what I have learned. A very high, dangerous, cognitive distortion. But that is what the emotional, verbal abuse and manipulation of teh last few months have left me. Basically Learned Helplessness. But I must remember what came of Seligman's studies, as horrific as they were: The field of Positive Psychology. There is hope for me yet. Not to mention, way back, I got an A+ in Positive Psych, if I am not mistaken.
Speaking of grades, I left my Learning and Behaviour midterm, feeling pretty confident. I got 24/50. WUT. I FAILED. WHAT?!?!. NONONONONO...... THAIS CAN'T BE HAPPENNING. Likewise for Human Cognitive Neuroscience. 8/15 (The exam was out of 45).... OMG..... Oh my.... FML..... ****!!!!!!!!! I may be "Good Standing" now but.... How long will THAT last? I am thinking of dropping Cognition. I don't have a single grade recorded for that class. Its a dud.
I haven't been to class since Reading Week 3 weeks ago. I have been a wreck. Reading Week was HELL. In and out of the ER..... not for me, but my common-law had cellulitis in his ankle.... and he had to get IV antibiotic injections. He doesn't respond well to this sort of thing. He does not addapt well to change or stress or pain. And he was quick to take it out on me, who was by his side every minute of it, holding his hand, making phone calls, arranging homecare, getting food, accompanyng him for transport and paying, fetching anything he needed..... etc..... There were moments I was still called "Useless", or "What good are you?" or "What have you done for me tonight?". When I had kidney stones, which is said to be some of the worst pain someone can have, I never treated him as such. But he did neglect me towards the end of the 9 week period. Getting sick of how sick I was, basically, it seemed. And I realiize he had his own stresses too, he was adapting, or having difficulty adapting to becoming a Masters student and the changes that came with that. So I mostly left him alone. Didn't ask much of him. He played video gmes 14-16 hours per day. I didn't even feel valued as a girlfriend. That lead to a whole slew of problems I won't get into. But naturally, I have come to a point where I take the blame for all that.... he can do no wrong. Though many of my peers I explained that to side with me. Though I never wanted anyone to "take sides".Basically, relationship tension, but things are improving. To a degree
So, in conclusion, I am being admitted for direct in-patient admission to the hospital come Monday. I require a med change. My doctor wishes her trusted colleage work with her for a second opinion on my case, in case she is missing something.
I mean, I don't mind s much..... aside from potetial academic probation, which will put my loand on hold again in Winter.... to which I will have to appeal.... AGAIN.... again, I will have plenty of supporting documentation.
My internship..... yeah, that is a problem..... I was really REALLY hoping to excel in that. At my interview the supervisor pinned me for being a candidate for being selected to VIP II. Pfffft. Like THAT is gonna hppen NOW.
Oh yeah.... and I met with a prof who practically begged me to be in his lab next Winter..... Said I would be an asset. As soon as I mentioned I was struggling. (This was before I knew I would be hospitalized) he went back on that and said he had no room whatsoever to accommodate me. I appreciate the discrimination. Ever heard of Maslow? ****....
Yeah, that is just the major stuff..... The most prominant stuff..... I mean, everyday there is something "minor" that is new that is just like "REALLY?! Really." *points finger handgun to temple and fires*
So I VW'd from my Winter 2015 classes last term..... because I had kidney stones followed by a pinched nerve that put me out of school for 9 weeks..... yeah, academically, its hard to recover from that..... so I was advised to VW. Which by my student loans put me on "financial academic probation" because eve though that was a wise move and my grades were in "good standing", I did not fulfill the terms of my contract with my loans - remain full time throughout the year. But I had a meical appeal. Extenuating circumstances for my withdrawal. And I gave Financial Aid ALL my supporting documentation back in April/May. Its still sitting on the desk. I have Student Disability Services now advocating for me, I had to re-obtain ALL those documents and re-write my letter of intent. Because my loans are on hold. For Fall 2015, and any subsequent terms. AND I have an overpayment to them, apparently. Give me a break. Oh, but they can't simply subtract that overpayment mount from my loan amount estimate for that year.
So I registered full time this term. Confirmed enrollment. I owe $3700 in tuition by Winter. Or I can't register. Registration is open, classes are filling up, I will be on wait lists once I get the cleaance to register once my tuition is paid. Fine.
Not gettong student loans means not meeting the requirements for Work Study, which is how I have sought employment for the past 5 years. The deadline was Oct 19, for both Fall and Winter applications. Since my loans were still on hold, I was not accepted. And I could not be hired with the prof I have worked for the past 5 years. I am unemployed. In the city with the highest unemployment rate in the country.
So.... Because I turned 25 last September, Canada Pension Orphan Benefit no longer suppliments me with $236 monthly "allowances" from the government as of October. So I have no income. Whatsoever. Basically.
The Student Drug Plan at the university changed, no longer covers my prescriptions 100%...... Every single week I have to pay out of pocket.
Because I have no student loans, also, I am not qulified for the Bursary For Students with Disabuilities.... BSWD.... for therapy.... $2000/two semesters. So $100/session I am indebted to my therapist for now, until further notice until I get my loans and the BSWD is processed. And I can pay her.
Because right now my AVAILABLE balance is something like -$1,1000. Note the NEGATIVE sign. Oh, and I have $500 Overdraft. Heh....
Tried to CASH (not deposit) a $100 cheque today. I couldn't. Only deposit. You know why? Because the National Student Loans Service Centre (NSLSC) has been making $590 withdrawals rom my account every WEEK (once on Nov 2nd, once on the 9th) and each time, I get an NSF fee of $48 charged to my account..... because I simply don't have that kinda money. Wht is dumb is that is a clrical error..... I shouldn't be in repayment for my loans until I am OUT of school for 4 months. I am confirmed, registered, full time, in good standing. WTF, NSLSC..... I AM SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR ****!!!! YOU ACTUALLY OWE ME MONEY!!!!! LIKE IN THE BALLPARK OF $8000!!!!! SO STFU WITH THIS!!!!!!! The bank told me for $20 I can block these payments. I gave her a blank stare, saying I kinda can give her $20, given that I just deposited $100..... Oh but NO..... since I was well beyond overdraft.... It doesn't count..... I basically burned $100. Considering my common-law doesn't get paid till Friday, we were kinda relying on $100 cash to get food or something, because we don't have much to eat, really. Oh.... and bus fare. Before I had a chance, she had stamped the cheque, I couldn't retract it and deposit it elsewhere......
So...... I not only owe my university $3700...... I owe my landlord $2900...... yeah, that is like 4 months rent..... Because OSAP was delayed we were unable to pay October/November. (The other 2 months is an entirely different story). Yeah..... that is 1/3 of a year. That is enough for an eviction notice.
I am going to lose my ****. Did I mention I have been on Financial Aid's a** about this since April/May? Yeah.... its NOVEMBER. USELESS.
So other stuff......
People "ghosting" on me..... generally disappearing from my life..... perpetuating feelings of worthlessness..... not allowing for closure.....
People.......in general..... making be feel like ****...... either making me feel plotted against, secretly hated, annoyed at, like my needs don't matter, like I should be silenced, like I am a failure in practically every sphere of my life.
I am typically a very, very reliable and dependable person. I can't even so much as respond to an email or PM or VM (even on here), without having a panic attack, or having crippling anxiety, but its worse for the **** that matters, like getting in touch with profs or supervisors. And I usually rock at professional letter writing if I just sit down and DO IT! OMG! WHAT IS GOING ON?!?! I can't meet deadlines. I can't commit. My guild is lacking the structure that made it thrive over the summer. Not to mention, the persona that made it so united.
Self-care and even maintenance like eating makes me feel selfish. Doing things I enjoy makes me feel awful. Fulfilling goals and accomplishments makes me feel worse afterwards. That is a serious sign of dysfunction. Not just cognitive either. I don't enjoy anything. I am indecisive about everthing. But incredibly aware of my symptoms and how they have progressed over the past few months. I record qualitative and quantitative data.
My cousin's birthday would have been Nov 7th. He died 2 years last January. Some very hard truths have surfaced in that time.
And then thre is the sick anticipation that looms over me of my friend who is sufferring from Cancer and will likely be dead by spring. I made a thread about it. To share his inspirational story. That thread was closed, by a mod, for what I felt were rather insensitive reasons. But I won't argue the case.
I feel very alone, very isolated..... even unloved, even by those closest to me. If you can believe it.
I feel guilt. I take blame for practically everything. I see the humanity behind everyone else's faults. Even abusive ones. Which essentially makes them excusable. And they can therefore do no wrong. It is ME that must take accountability. For EVERYTHING. That is what I have learned. A very high, dangerous, cognitive distortion. But that is what the emotional, verbal abuse and manipulation of teh last few months have left me. Basically Learned Helplessness. But I must remember what came of Seligman's studies, as horrific as they were: The field of Positive Psychology. There is hope for me yet. Not to mention, way back, I got an A+ in Positive Psych, if I am not mistaken.
Speaking of grades, I left my Learning and Behaviour midterm, feeling pretty confident. I got 24/50. WUT. I FAILED. WHAT?!?!. NONONONONO...... THAIS CAN'T BE HAPPENNING. Likewise for Human Cognitive Neuroscience. 8/15 (The exam was out of 45).... OMG..... Oh my.... FML..... ****!!!!!!!!! I may be "Good Standing" now but.... How long will THAT last? I am thinking of dropping Cognition. I don't have a single grade recorded for that class. Its a dud.
I haven't been to class since Reading Week 3 weeks ago. I have been a wreck. Reading Week was HELL. In and out of the ER..... not for me, but my common-law had cellulitis in his ankle.... and he had to get IV antibiotic injections. He doesn't respond well to this sort of thing. He does not addapt well to change or stress or pain. And he was quick to take it out on me, who was by his side every minute of it, holding his hand, making phone calls, arranging homecare, getting food, accompanyng him for transport and paying, fetching anything he needed..... etc..... There were moments I was still called "Useless", or "What good are you?" or "What have you done for me tonight?". When I had kidney stones, which is said to be some of the worst pain someone can have, I never treated him as such. But he did neglect me towards the end of the 9 week period. Getting sick of how sick I was, basically, it seemed. And I realiize he had his own stresses too, he was adapting, or having difficulty adapting to becoming a Masters student and the changes that came with that. So I mostly left him alone. Didn't ask much of him. He played video gmes 14-16 hours per day. I didn't even feel valued as a girlfriend. That lead to a whole slew of problems I won't get into. But naturally, I have come to a point where I take the blame for all that.... he can do no wrong. Though many of my peers I explained that to side with me. Though I never wanted anyone to "take sides".Basically, relationship tension, but things are improving. To a degree
So, in conclusion, I am being admitted for direct in-patient admission to the hospital come Monday. I require a med change. My doctor wishes her trusted colleage work with her for a second opinion on my case, in case she is missing something.
I mean, I don't mind s much..... aside from potetial academic probation, which will put my loand on hold again in Winter.... to which I will have to appeal.... AGAIN.... again, I will have plenty of supporting documentation.
My internship..... yeah, that is a problem..... I was really REALLY hoping to excel in that. At my interview the supervisor pinned me for being a candidate for being selected to VIP II. Pfffft. Like THAT is gonna hppen NOW.
Oh yeah.... and I met with a prof who practically begged me to be in his lab next Winter..... Said I would be an asset. As soon as I mentioned I was struggling. (This was before I knew I would be hospitalized) he went back on that and said he had no room whatsoever to accommodate me. I appreciate the discrimination. Ever heard of Maslow? ****....
Yeah, that is just the major stuff..... The most prominant stuff..... I mean, everyday there is something "minor" that is new that is just like "REALLY?! Really." *points finger handgun to temple and fires*
I'd been watching Tokyo Ghoul all day today. As episode 8 ended, I literally burst crying badly for a long while. I still am. I can't believe something like this can be so touching, enough to get to me and rip my insides out.
It's probably because of what I've been going through the past few days, watching this was probably a trigger to let out my emotions. I probably sound like this helpless ******* right now, but I just want everything to like go away. It's all so exhausting.
I think I'm gonna take a nap.
It's probably because of what I've been going through the past few days, watching this was probably a trigger to let out my emotions. I probably sound like this helpless ******* right now, but I just want everything to like go away. It's all so exhausting.
I think I'm gonna take a nap.
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KaydeeKrunk
The Late Great Turt
Wow wtf, so I guess my throat just decided to start hurting out of nowhere like in the really horrible "strep throat" and/or "just smoked like 50 packs of cigarettes" feeling... for no reason, tried drinking water but it just makes me feel it more... also my eyes started to well up for NO REASON. Like they're so watery I am nearly crying, some guy came up and asked for the bathroom and asked me if I was alright... uhg. I don't want to be sick cause them people at work will hate me for calling off...
I'd say worry now, unless they have 100% feedback and are trusted by like everyone. I mean even if you go on holiday you can write that..
aw maaaaaaaaaaaaan, they actually had a negative rating quite recently but i really liked the jeans so i thought i'd trust them anyway, i'm dumb. thanks moko!
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