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Knowing when to let people go
- Thread starter Shimmer
- Start date
It's best to let people out of your life when they are no longer a positive influence on it. If you find yourself feeling bad or have feelings of low self-worth after being around someone, it's time to let them go. Even if it's hard to do it, it's better for you in the long run.
If they feel I don't contribute to their well-being or make them feel bad, then I'll most likely try to make up for it.
However, in most cases, it seems I end up having to learn to loosen my grasp, and just let go. It makes me feel bitter about myself, honestly.
However, in most cases, it seems I end up having to learn to loosen my grasp, and just let go. It makes me feel bitter about myself, honestly.
I totally agree with kaylee, I also believe that when you notice somebody no longer isn't comfortable around you or isn't happy with you being around it's better to just be the mature one instead of waiting for him/her to say it as that could take a long time.
I'm in a situation where a friend of mine, who I considered one of my best friends until recent months has done nothing but make me miserable since June/July. She yells at me for no reason, accuses me of things and tries to turn my other friends on me, and has made me cry on these occassions. She has apologised for some of these, but afterwards she always goes 'can you stop though? you generally irritate me'
anyone who is toxic in your life or makes you miserable is just like a piece of thread on a pair of jeans and you should just let them go
anyone who is toxic in your life or makes you miserable is just like a piece of thread on a pair of jeans and you should just let them go
ThatRandomMayor
i made this username when i was 13 im sorry
I'm going through a similar situation to you. Except, when this this girl (who I considered one of best friends) started blanking me and talking behind my back. Literally behind my back, a metre away, so I could hear everything she was saying. Since then she has done nothing but hurt me. I tried to save our friendship, but it didn't work. I tell myself that I tried and no one needs that toxicity. It's a shame that she took some of my friends with her.
I haven't spoken to her in 9 weeks. Not a word.
they need to go if they do something to make me feel insecure, be a nuisance, tick me off, or they just mess with my life in general. i dont mind if it happens once, but if they do it repeatedly and are completely blind to it, i wouldnt want to keep them around. i had this friend who did all of those, but tbh we knew too much about each other to become strangers again, so i just tried ignoring it for a year or so. after awhile, i was fkg sick of dealing with her, so we're obviously not friends anymore
DarkDesertFox
Your Typical Trickster
If I become too attached in a romantic relationship it is extremely hard for me to let them go if a breakup occurs. One girl I dated for over two years made it really hard to let go of when we broke up. I mean, the thing is she wanted to remain good friends but shaking those feelings I had before for her off was really hard and took like over a year before I could talk to her as a friend without feeling that emotional rollercoaster.
i'm sorry that she's such a biotch to you!
She tries to make things better. She claims she will change, she has matured, everyone makes mistakes and throws every pity card you can imagine, but her changing - or claiming to - doesn't mean much when it only lasts a day. Recently I arranged to go shopping with two of my friends who never get invited anywhere since most of my friendship group were at her sleepover, but my best friend told me we were at the same place at the same time so we should all meet up, so I agreed, even though I didn't want to hang out with the girl I'm on about since at this point, she had been horrible to me. The friends I'd originally planned this with received a dm from this girl saying they couldn't come along and nor could I since I'd tried to 'sabotage her life' and if they couldn't see what I was doing they were idiots. Thankfully they stood up for me but we all ended up awkwardly shopping together. I ended up explaining that I just arranged something with them and I'd never left anyone out nor suggested we all go together in the first place and she didn't even apologise for her mistake and hurting my feelings, yet tomorrow (first day of school) she'll expect me to act fine and dandy with her. The only reason I haven't let her go is because some of my friends don't want to, and I don't want to sacrifice what I have with them just to get away from her.
Hope your situation improves!
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thats nasty.
a few years ago, a girl i had been friends with for years started turning salty, and picking on my playful jokes. because im kinda a loner and she was small and looked cute, loads of people went on her side for things, including the teachers. she kept accusing me of things, and then in some event she burst into tears and whined to the teacher. the teacher took her side and punished me and my best friend, for something we hadnt even done. over the weekend, we ended up going to someones pool party, where she told us some really hateful things.
because my good friend lives next to me, we oven go over to eachothers house simply because its fun, and easy to arrange. she before that had been going to her mum's friend's daughters house and we were feeling left out. she kept accusing us of leaving her out of things on purpose. it was a costume day at the time, and i asked my friend to make my wings because she was making simmilar ones. she told the teacher we had identical costumes, and yet it was completely different? so at the pool party i asked her how she was allowed to go with other friends and yet she told us
"but your not my friends and i hate you so bye" and then laughed at us from the other side of the pool. we told our teacher this, she made the btch apologise, and we were supposed to hug and make up.
then, about 6 months later, my mum asked hers about why i was never allowed over at her house, and her mum said i had been hitting the friend.
i
hadnt.
she made a huge thing of this, and turned some of my new friends away from me and basically ruined my school life for the rest of that year, and i couldn't sit near her without her causing a huge fuss. luckily, it has passed by for a few years, but i refuse to get involved with her, and her me. im glad i still have my other friends.
in another case, i find some people i talk to online too clingy. the good friends undertand that things change, and were not as good friends as we used to be, but we still message every so often. others constantly spam me with messages to the point where i have to mute them. guys, i dont like you as much as i used to, so just accept it. jeez.
she'll tell me she has been spiritually awakened and that she seeks only peace one day, and hit me with an african drum the next. she tells these really long stories, too, and when i say something like 'ah, that's cool!' or 'dude, that sucks' or 'oh well', she literally stands up and tells me I can't speak, i'm irritating and told to shut up.
that's just awful ?? and i can't believe these people believe her!
i suppose i'd rather have a clingy friend than one who doesn't bother with me at all, but i see what you mean when it gets too much.
mintellect
attention gamers,
Why don't your other friends not want you to let her go? I can't think of any reason why they'd want her to stick around unless they don't realize the trouble she's giving you.
I've never really had a situation where I had to 'let someone go'. I have had some friends that annoyed me after a while but we eventually just drifted apart. We never said anything about it, but we just got new friends and never really talked again other than a 'hi' every once in a while in the halls.
MozzarellaSticks
(☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞ ANN PERKI
I'm, like, the queen of cutting people out. I do it too often, really.
To do it in a healthy way, you should leave people when they become a problem. Whether this is realized during a fight or during distance doesn't matter. You do it when you need to. This is not always easy to see, except in hindsight. It's best to tell the person and let them know. Closure is important for both you and for them, and people deserve and explanation. If they complain or threaten you don't have to stay. You did your part by telling them. Whether they accept it or not is up to them. Whether they are willing to change is up to the both of you.
To do it in a healthy way, you should leave people when they become a problem. Whether this is realized during a fight or during distance doesn't matter. You do it when you need to. This is not always easy to see, except in hindsight. It's best to tell the person and let them know. Closure is important for both you and for them, and people deserve and explanation. If they complain or threaten you don't have to stay. You did your part by telling them. Whether they accept it or not is up to them. Whether they are willing to change is up to the both of you.
I used to have a best friend but then I noticed a terrible pattern with her where she would be really nice to me and talk to me all the time to ditching me and ignoring me in favor for other people. And when I tried to talk to her about it, she would blow me off, and when I purposely did what she did to me, she got pissed. It was a lose situation with her. This was about from junior high to my freshman year of high school. Sophomore year, I tried to talk to her but it was honestly like talking to a wall. I finally had enough of her treatment and I can honestly say that I tried to save our friendship, but she went to her new friends and I went to the new friends I made. Haven't talked to her since. She did want to talk about our friendship senior year before we graduated but she went through our friend to tell me; and our friend pretty much said that she thought the same way I did when our friendship dissolved and that I should make the first move, but I said no. I spent majority of this friendship apologizing and making the first move to patch things up when it wasn't my fault and I said I wasn't gonna do it anymore. So I never talked or patched things up with my ex best friend ever. Haven't seen her since high school.
That was the first time I ever had to let someone go because they were too toxic or they just gave up in our friendship. I have plenty more instances where I had to cut off friendships.
Like someone who used my friends and me as her "therapists" and complained all her problems to but refused to get off her butt to take care of them. (Instead stayed on facebook all day, sharing useless crap and crying about her problems some more.) Or a friend who overshared so much and was generally suffocating with the way she was always looking for attention and pity. Or someone who was pissed at me, didn't bother to let me know and instead talked crap about me to a friend, who he was also insulting at the time. This person also insulted my other really good friends, calling them idiots and ignorant and thin skinned because they didn't agree with his political views. Then my friends and I had to dump two others because they made a mountain of drama over a molehill and then said that the friendship was beyond repair now.
When you feel someone is too suffocating or toxic, you have to cut them off. You can't take that sort of thing very long and it drags you down too. I honestly don't ever regret cutting off any of those relationships because they sucked. I don't have much patience for people who only want to be "friends" so they can get positive reinforcement on their attention seeking ways. And I sure as hell don't wanna be friends with people who are gonna create drama over something small or even drag my friends' names through the mud as well as my own.
Anyway, I'm off my soapbox now. I'm happy to be rid of fake, toxic, salty people in my life. I'm pretty happy since I cut off the last three people I mentioned rofl.
That was the first time I ever had to let someone go because they were too toxic or they just gave up in our friendship. I have plenty more instances where I had to cut off friendships.
Like someone who used my friends and me as her "therapists" and complained all her problems to but refused to get off her butt to take care of them. (Instead stayed on facebook all day, sharing useless crap and crying about her problems some more.) Or a friend who overshared so much and was generally suffocating with the way she was always looking for attention and pity. Or someone who was pissed at me, didn't bother to let me know and instead talked crap about me to a friend, who he was also insulting at the time. This person also insulted my other really good friends, calling them idiots and ignorant and thin skinned because they didn't agree with his political views. Then my friends and I had to dump two others because they made a mountain of drama over a molehill and then said that the friendship was beyond repair now.
When you feel someone is too suffocating or toxic, you have to cut them off. You can't take that sort of thing very long and it drags you down too. I honestly don't ever regret cutting off any of those relationships because they sucked. I don't have much patience for people who only want to be "friends" so they can get positive reinforcement on their attention seeking ways. And I sure as hell don't wanna be friends with people who are gonna create drama over something small or even drag my friends' names through the mud as well as my own.
Anyway, I'm off my soapbox now. I'm happy to be rid of fake, toxic, salty people in my life. I'm pretty happy since I cut off the last three people I mentioned rofl.
today my friend ignored me, and i ignored her. it was pretty funny how she'd proposed this plan to 'make me her friend again since she wants to apologise and has matured' but it never happened. I think she just wants me to say 'why are you ignoring me?' so i'm not going to feed the cattle. Honestly, i couldn't care less about whether we end up friendly again or not friendly again, since I'd kind of cut her out of my life a while back, I'm just stuck with her at school.
Watchingthetreetops
*~Rude intolerance here~*
When people stop caring, I usually do, too. This is sort of a tough question....
You see, for a very long time I believed that toxic people were just how people were normally, because I hadn't met someone who /wasn't/ toxic. Because of my own niavity, I allowed myself to be used and talked down to and abused in every sense of the word. I didn't realize that people who are toxic are not healthy to have in your life until much later. I have...red flags now, and I'm sad to say that I have a very stern fear of people. I'm much more picky with who I choose to be close to. I don't want to be taken advantage of, ever again. I don't want to believe that I am worth less then what I am worth, because someone is jealous or someone doesn't like me. And I'm also sad to say this, but....there were people who were jealous of me, despite the fact that I don't really have much to be jealous about. That jealousy caused a divide and a lot of hurtful things to happen.
When someone hurts you, deliberately, even if they are playing it off as a joke, the sting still remains. And people like that have no place in my life. People who demean me, people who think that joking at my expense is okay, they....don't have a place in my life. There are red flags in my mind now for these things, as well as signs of abuse. I have no time or tolerance for it anymore.
You see, for a very long time I believed that toxic people were just how people were normally, because I hadn't met someone who /wasn't/ toxic. Because of my own niavity, I allowed myself to be used and talked down to and abused in every sense of the word. I didn't realize that people who are toxic are not healthy to have in your life until much later. I have...red flags now, and I'm sad to say that I have a very stern fear of people. I'm much more picky with who I choose to be close to. I don't want to be taken advantage of, ever again. I don't want to believe that I am worth less then what I am worth, because someone is jealous or someone doesn't like me. And I'm also sad to say this, but....there were people who were jealous of me, despite the fact that I don't really have much to be jealous about. That jealousy caused a divide and a lot of hurtful things to happen.
When someone hurts you, deliberately, even if they are playing it off as a joke, the sting still remains. And people like that have no place in my life. People who demean me, people who think that joking at my expense is okay, they....don't have a place in my life. There are red flags in my mind now for these things, as well as signs of abuse. I have no time or tolerance for it anymore.
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brownboy102
Don't Need Words
I had a friend. He had been my greatest friend ever until this and last year.
He suddenly started thinking that if he made fun of me, he would get popular, and then he would say sorry afterwards. Normally I would just laugh, but he revealed a lot of my secrets. He revealed my crushes, feelings and pet peeves. Since then, I haven't talked to him for 3 months. I only have a few people by my side.
See, my class had this while group dynamic. Everyone wanted to be part of one group, but that one group was the one with all the bullies. The people who stayed loyal to the group they were deemed a part of, they would be the people who would get picked on. After a while our group seemed so distant whilst there's was totally fine.
Now that all those people are gone and only my friends are with me, I feel ms lot better.
And there was so much more I didn't include, because so many of my actual friends were including and they were all hurt in a way.
- - - Post Merge - - -
It's hard to let befriends go until they stab you in the back. That's what I'm trying to say.
He suddenly started thinking that if he made fun of me, he would get popular, and then he would say sorry afterwards. Normally I would just laugh, but he revealed a lot of my secrets. He revealed my crushes, feelings and pet peeves. Since then, I haven't talked to him for 3 months. I only have a few people by my side.
See, my class had this while group dynamic. Everyone wanted to be part of one group, but that one group was the one with all the bullies. The people who stayed loyal to the group they were deemed a part of, they would be the people who would get picked on. After a while our group seemed so distant whilst there's was totally fine.
Now that all those people are gone and only my friends are with me, I feel ms lot better.
And there was so much more I didn't include, because so many of my actual friends were including and they were all hurt in a way.
- - - Post Merge - - -
It's hard to let befriends go until they stab you in the back. That's what I'm trying to say.
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