I Have Questions.

[Keldi]

This is kinda personal to me, but I need to know if this is normal or okay. Most adults(at home or school) invalidate or ignore problems from a student's depression.

Lack of motivation? Do your work.
Tired? Do your work.
Want to die? Do your work.
Almost the same with my mom. Even as a kid:
Feel worthless? Cut it out.
About to break down? Don't even start.
Tired and lacking motivation? Stop it.

Is this okay? It's normal to me, so I wouldn't exactly know. Should depression be invalidated for reasons I've heard? I've heard people say that it's only a feeling. I've heard people say it's only a phase as a teenager. I've heard that it shouldn't consume me.
I've heard every reason in the book. Somebody tell me if this is normal. Somebody tell me if it's okay for this stuff to happen.
I have questions that I've had for the 16 years of my life.
I need answers for the next years of my life.

 

[AnimalCrossingPerson]

People won't understand unless they've experienced something such as depression first-hand. They mean well with advice such as "just be happy", but are only worsening matters. You may wish to speak to someone if you're feeling really down - if you're not sure where to go, ask others or get your local GP to refer you onto someone in the mental health profession.

 

[mitfy]

a lot of adults do this, unfortunately. like acp said, most people won't understand unless they've experienced these problems themselves. or they just don't care.

they really don't understand that depression can literally make you incapable of doing things. and then because they invalidate you, you begin to feel like you're in the wrong and it should be something you can control or that you're faking. which, of course, isn't true.

a lot of teenagers have depression, and the rates are rising, i believe. if it were just a phase, it'd likely be more along the lines of coming and going with stress and whatever, but all the time... not good. a lot of adults (the ones that don't understand) also like to wave things off as just "teenager mood swings" or whatever you wanna call it. like, even if it's just that, it's still not worth your time?

idk, a lot of ppl just treat teenagers like ****

 

[visibleghost]

thats a bad way to help someone whos groing through mental health issues

 

[Buttonsy]

It's really not normal for an adult to dismiss a child or teenager struggling with a mental health issue. If a teenager is struggling with depression or thoughts of suicide, any responsible adult should take it very seriously.
Even if it is normal for teenagers to have mood swings (and "normal teenage mood swings" SHOULD be taken seriously anyways), being a teenager and having ups and downs because of new hormones or life drama is a completely different thing from being a teenager with a serious mental disorder, and if you show signs of having a mental illness, adults in your life should be concerned and try to help you.

Mental illness is not "just a phase", it's something that needs to be actively worked on, whether through therapy, self-care, and/or medication, in order to make things better. And it's a big red flag if the adults in your life don't understand that.

 

[KaydeeKrunk]

A lot of adults with try to invalidate these things as they attribute them to being a moody/angsty teenager. I had, and still have, a lot of problems that my mom likes to pretend I don't have because I can do "____" and if I had anxiety and depression I wouldn't be able to do "____." It really hurts because in the past it was her saying it was just normal teen problems, and now it's just her using any excuse to dismiss my very real problems, and this is now that I am an adult.

 

[BambieTheMayor]

Yeah, most adults who haven't experienced depression, thoughts of suicide, etc. won't understand what you're going through, and they might never will. It's an awful thing, too. All adults, especially parents and teachers, should treat mental illness as a serious problem, and not just try to brush it off as they do. I apologize for your situation and I hope it gets better, and know that there are still people out there for you, even if it seems like everyone around you isn't.

 

[Keldi]

She claims to have anxiety and depression. I've overheard her numerous times on the phone talking about her abusive adoptive parents. So she clearly has some understanding of my issues.
She knows I have horrible anxiety/depression. It gets so bad that I almost cry at everything. She knows.
"I wanna die." I said those words twice to her. The first yime, she cried. The second, she said "Oh stop it. Every teenager says that".
If I try to explain, she guilt trips me into shutting up.
I just want somebody to help me understand why she's like this. And why every adult has dismissed my issues. Is it okay to be ignored and learn to not need people? Is this normal?

 

[BambieTheMayor]

She claims to have anxiety and depression. I've overheard her numerous times on the phone talking about her abusive adoptive parents. So she clearly has some understanding of my issues.
She knows I have horrible anxiety/depression. It gets so bad that I almost cry at everything. She knows.
"I wanna die." I said those words twice to her. The first yime, she cried. The second, she said "Oh stop it. Every teenager says that".
If I try to explain, she guilt trips me into shutting up.
I just want somebody to help me understand why she's like this. And why every adult has dismissed my issues. Is it okay to be ignored and learn to not need people? Is this normal?

She may not want to believe you have these thoughts. There could be many ways why she's thinking this.

1) She believes that you have anxiety/depression for the same reason she did: abuse. No, I'm not saying it's true, but she may think it is and she's scared to face it.

2) She doesn't want you to have suffered what she has suffered and the only way she can think of the fix it is to ignore it.

I'm sure she loves and cares about you, she is just too scared to face reality.

 

[Watchingthetreetops]

This is kinda personal to me, but I need to know if this is normal or okay. Most adults(at home or school) invalidate or ignore problems from a student's depression.

Lack of motivation? Do your work.
Tired? Do your work.
Want to die? Do your work.
Almost the same with my mom. Even as a kid:
Feel worthless? Cut it out.
About to break down? Don't even start.
Tired and lacking motivation? Stop it.

Is this okay? It's normal to me, so I wouldn't exactly know. Should depression be invalidated for reasons I've heard? I've heard people say that it's only a feeling. I've heard people say it's only a phase as a teenager. I've heard that it shouldn't consume me.
I've heard every reason in the book. Somebody tell me if this is normal. Somebody tell me if it's okay for this stuff to happen.
I have questions that I've had for the 16 years of my life.
I need answers for the next years of my life.

I have bad news for you. If it is depression, it isn't a faze. It isn't going to pass. You are going to have to let yourself be sad, and that isn't a bad thing. Psychologists identify the seriousness of a mental disorder based off of how much it affects you, physically. That's how they identify whether or not you have a problem in the first place. You have to confront the fact that sometimes you are sad, and then you have to recognize that they're just feelings. They feel like the world, trust me, I know that all too well, but they are things that you can lock away in your heart while (physically) you deal with the world.

Now I have good news for you. First of all, although these things will not leave you, they do not make you weak nor are they bad. They are part of who you are. Our brain is wired to get used to certain conditions. For example: not being able to let go/stop thinking about an ex that you KNOW you aren't in love with. The reason why this type of thing happens is because your brain can get used to associating 'sad' or 'unhappy' with a person, and will pull the thoughts of that person to you when you feel sad. This can be done with much more then just a person though. This is why you might feel sad listening to some songs, even if the songs are happy. If they have bad memories tied to them, they may make you sad. One of the best things I learned, (because I don't like pills and want to overcome my depression without them), is how to re-frame your thought process.

Build habits. Are you sad? Turn off that song. Go for a walk. Draw a stick figure fighting a dinosaur. Specifically, build habits that make you /happy/. And that's the real journey. You are sad and you can't change that. What you need to find is: what makes you happy. You can't avoid pain, and in some cases, you can't avoid depression. But you can use it as a platform to make you stronger.

If you ever need a friend, I am here. I'm sorry I've been gone so long. Although this may not ever go away, it doesn't mean you can't use it to your advantage.

edit---
There is also no shame in getting medication. If you see a psychiatrist and they prescribe you something, there is nothing wrong with that. I don't like taking pills, but for people with extreme forms of depression and anxiety, they can be life changing.