How 2020 changed me

[iamjohnporter67]

2020 has affected me mentally and I really got so lost in my thoughts. I really wanted to do more this year but because of everything going on in the world it just made me feel more worse. I really hate myself how I could've done more in 2019 but that year was when I had a car accident and I wasn't recovered from that. I really wish 2021 would be better but I REALLY don't want to have high hopes because I really want to see what truly happens.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

tbh you can only do what you're capable of doing. the first step towards acceptance is recognizing that what's done is done and moving on. seems like every year I think "man I didn't do everything I wanted to do" (for instance, I told myself this year that I wanted to beat Twilight Princess. did I do it? heck no). but ya know, every year (more accurately, every day) is a new opportunity to do what you didn't get to do before, so while you probably shouldn't get your hopes up too high, it's good to stay optimistic about the future


anyways, regarding the topic... I would say the main way in which 2020 has changed me is that I've become much more liberal. if you had asked me a year ago about my stance on Trump, racism, the lower/poor class, and the LGBT community, I probably wouldn't have said anything. but now I have fairly strong political stances on all of those things. I think it's because the more I learn about history (I'm a history minor in college) the more I'm angered about the actions of conservatives in the past as well as recent years. my dad is a diehard conservative republican and he hasn't said anything outright but he prob thinks I've been brainwashed into a "libtard" lmao.

other than that, I don't think much has changed except I've accidentally let my weight go too much and now I'm trying to lose it lmaooo whoops

 

[amemome]

2020 definitely changed me in a way that's a bit upsetting. Because I didn't really have to interact with people at all, I feel like my social skills regressed a lot. So now I just feel way more awkward/ in-my-thoughts. It's not like I had a really great level of social skill to begin with but now it's just difficult.

 

[CasualWheezer]

2020 has really impacted my mental health. I have no idea what it's going to be like when things get back to normal, but all the changes are definitely going to be hard to accept. I guess I've lost so many years because of the pandemic and that really hurts. But I think I've tried to be more accepting of letting things go and looking to the future for hope.

 

[Xara]

your feelings are completely valid and i truly hope that 2021 is a better year for you.

honestly, i didn’t realize just how much 2020 had affected me until recently. when the pandemic started, as awful as this may sound, a part of me was relieved as it eliminated parts of my life that made me constantly stressed. i no longer had to attend school physically which meant no more sleep schedule, no more leaving my house and most importantly, no more arguing with my parents over my horrid attendance. i felt free. liberated. until i didn’t.

with the absence of school came the absence of any sort of structure in my life. i stopped brushing my hair. i stopped writing and doing my makeup, hobbies that i used to adore. for months, i felt as if 2020 was the break that i desperately needed and maybe for a while, it was until suddenly, my home felt less like freedom and more like imprisonment.

late 2019, my mother got sick. she’s still sick and it’s gotten so, so bad; she’s bleeding profusely, her skin is constantly dry and covered in a painful rash, she’s barely able to eat and the pandemic has made it nearly impossible for her to seek medical attention. my 2020 revolved around her and i have a feeling that this year will be the same. my mother has been reduced to an existence of constant crying and moaning in pain. i spend every waking moment absolutely terrified; terrified that this will kill her, terrified of her symptoms, terrified of all of it. i honestly don’t and likely never will have the words to articulate just how terrified i am of what’s happening. i’m used to being anxious but that’s not what this is. i’m so scared and there’s nothing that can be done to appease that and so,, i sleep. a lot. i am now also addicted to the drugs that help me sleep.

tldr; 2020 has affected me in ways that i’ll likely never get over and i’m scared to see what 2021 will bring. however, i’m still alive. my mother’s still alive, my cat’s still alive and my friends and those who matter to me are still alive and even on my darkest of days, that’s something to be grateful for. <3

 

[Kattea]

For everyone that went through a hard time this year, I came across an image recently, which I now cannot find for the life of me. It said "I thought I should be growing taller, but I was growing deeper" and showed a drawing of a small tree with deep roots underneath. I think that's how 2020 has been for a lot of us. All our plans have been put on hold and certain aspects of our lives cannot progress until something that is beyond our control changes (pandemic, personal circumstances, etc). We feel like we should be doing something or moving on with our lives, but are stuck in place with no where to go. The hardships we face may be stunting our outward growth, but they are also precipitating our inward growth. Everyone here is extremely resilient for going through what they are going through. <3

Sorry if this came off as "toxic positivity", I understand that some circumstances are beyond finding a silver lining, but I'm going through a very tough year as well and this kind of thinking is the only thing that keeps me going sometimes.

 

[LunaRover]

+1 2020 did suck big time. But the thing is, it’s okay to have low times. It's okay because we can learn from them and pick ourselves back up. I realize that the thought alone can’t make things happen... However, I really really hope that everyone reading this can have a waaay better year this time around. Happy New Year 2021!!!!! We Made It.

 

[Disneyfangirl23]

Well I like the colour pink more than ever

 

[Cirice]

It changed me good. I opened my online store, it's a dream becoming true and it boosted my confidence a lot

 

[Midoriya]

Spoiler: personal

2020 was a year of a lot of change for me to be honest. I graduated from university. Then I lost a bunch of friends. My mom battled cancer for ten months before dying this past December. I also got my first girlfriend. The thing that’s plaguing me most right now is that my current job is ending soon and I’m on the search for another job, but can’t find anything good, or something that pays reasonably well. It’s kind of a crappy situation too because I see literally all my friends and the people I know getting hired, yet I have a degree and still can’t get hired. And I’ve been trying too. My sleep schedule has been messed up since last May and I don’t know if it’ll ever get better. I honestly don’t wake up unless I have something important to do, and lately I’ve had nothing important to do, so... feels like I’m just numbing myself. But, BUT, I still have hope that I’ll find something and I’ll be able to accomplish my dreams in the future, so that’s why I’m still trying. Honestly feels like everything and everyone has been going against me for a long time now. I used to always be a positive person in the past, but the past year or so that has been dampened a lot. I’m not giving up though. Also, sorry if it seems like I’m giving my life story here. The thread is about how 2020 changed you, and it changed me... quite a bit.

 

[ting1984]

I think a lot of us wish we could have done more in 2020. Sorry to hear about your accident in 2019. 2019, by contrast, was a very "outwardly" productive year for me -- I worked a lot and made the most money I ever did that year -- but I got burned out at the end in December, quit my job, lost all my references, and made preparations to eventually be a SAHM someday. Turned out to be something of a blessing in disguise, as COVID hit just a couple of months later. That postponed the child plans somewhat (now aiming for that this year), and it made 2020 a very sedentary year for me (I stayed at home most of the time -- the only thing I did other than church, gym, and errands was volunteer at an animal shelter for a few months, which led me to adopt another cat lol). But I also have a happy marriage, and with my husband now working from home, we have lots of time together. We're both approaching middle age as "Xennials," and I'm glad I can be with him during these tough times for the world.

Sometimes I look back at my life and wish I'd accomplished more. I did well in school, but my work history is a patchwork of both full and part time "pink collar" jobs, with a variety of successes and failures (and no more references left!) -- but at least I still have my close family. Better that than all the "outward success" in the world.

 

[tumut]

2020 was more like year of stagnation for me but I moved out on my own so thats definitely something

 

[-Lumi-]

2020 was a mixed bag for me. In some ways I feel like I’ve regressed in terms of my mental health, I’ve been so stressed over the pandemic and losing my savings, among other things, and that really bothers me. But 2020 also gave me the free time to explore some of my hobbies and enjoy the things I didn’t usually have time for.

Spoiler: Spoiler tag because it’s so long

In high school I was a puddle of anxiety. Horrible attendance, constantly sick from stress, I never went out or did anything. When I graduated from school I got so much better.

Being able to hold down a job (although not all jobs work for me, I can basically only do childcare or else I go back to being filled with anxiety), was amazing for me. I was able to have my own income so I could go out with friends when I wanted, buy the things I wanted/needed (I was able to experiment with clothing styles finally and got into makeup and was able to buy more video games among other things), and going to work with my kids gave me a better sense of purpose.

Then 2020 hit and I had to step back from my job. It didn’t feel like a safe or good plan to continue working with kids when my dad is at risk and I live with him. I’m back to being stressed & nervous constantly. Only this time it’s over money (I had been saving for college, those savings are effectively gone now), and the general state of the world because I’m terrified of my dad getting sick. On top of that I feel so aimless. I loved my job. It gave me a sense of purpose, a place to be everyday, and it just made me so happy.

On the brighter side of 2020 though, I’ve had more time to sit with myself. That’s not always been easy but it’s given me time to come more to terms with the fact that I am gay. Not “maybe gay but I can probably marry a man and be okay,” but actually gay. I’ve pretty much known that since I was like 15 or 16? But was in deep denial over it. I came out to my two close IRL friends which was a big step for me.

Being able to be home is also letting me enjoy some of the things I’ve bought! I read more books this past year than I have in a while, I’ve been able to play & enjoy more video games, play with my makeup collection (I didn’t wear a ton of makeup when I was working because it just didn’t make sense for me), and I’ve been learning how to sew! I’ve made two sort of wearable skirts (I might redo the waistbands), and a wearable dress! It’s been tricky since I’m self taught lol but it’s been fun having something to do, too. Also baking! I’ve been baking more often which is a lot of fun.

I am tired, though. I miss my kids, I miss my friends, I miss not feeling scared of covid. But I know I’m in a much better place than a lot of people so I try to keep that in mind when I find myself feeling really negative. It sucks that I’m not working, but I’m lucky enough I was able to quit. It sucks that my savings are dwindling but I’m lucky that I had savings in the first place and I’ll get them back.

 

[Licorice]

2020 didn’t really change anything for me. I’ve always been a recluse with poor mental health.

 

[nightglow]

2020 i had more time to really think about stuff more than I normally do. That's alot as I has alot of time for thinking before 2020.
I must say I appreciate things more. Like my Nation takes alot of things for granted. I mean think about the time and effort it would take to grow your own wheat harvest it, separate it, grind it, then make the loaf of bread all yourself. We just go to the store and pay a couple bucks.

Other than that, I think 2020 brought my depression out more. I can't put my finger on it. Im not more isolated from people than before. I spent alot of time at home before 2020 because I have health issues. I guess I just feel more powerless now than before?? I think those are the words I feel. Either way.. It hasnt been good.

2020 has increased my concern for my Nation in general. The way some people, alot of people, reacted to Trump was extremely disturbing to me. Like he was some messiah or something. However there were people on the far opposite spectrum who were just as problematic.

2020 was also the year I got into animal crossing <3

 

[TemalRustic]

2020 has affected me mentally and I really got so lost in my thoughts. I really wanted to do more this year but because of everything going on in the world it just made me feel more worse. I really hate myself how I could've done more in 2019 but that year was when I had a car accident and I wasn't recovered from that. I really wish 2021 would be better but I REALLY don't want to have high hopes because I really want to see what truly happens.

I'm sorry to hear about that. I wish you well in recovery.

2020 changed me because I moved out of my parents and now live off the coast of a beach independently. I wouldn't change it for the world, but sometimes I miss hanging out at night with my sister and mum. We visit everyday as we live close but it's not entirely the same so sometimes we do sleepovers, which are great where we play boards games and video games on some of the oldest consoles we own (we still have all of our originals) my dad comes too occasionally and we still go fishing (not during the pandemic though).