Homewreckers and Cheaters

[Tensu]

I feel like you can be friends with someone while not supporting or agreeing with what they do. That's why you need to be there for them and help them change. This is just imo but it's totally understandable not to put up with it.

 

[UglyMonsterFace]

I feel like you can be friends with someone while not supporting or agreeing with what they do. That's why you need to be there for them and help them change. This is just imo but it's totally understandable not to put up with it.

Sure, I completely agree that you can be friends with someone whose actions you don't support. However, in this case, the friend does not want to change, and does not want to leave her current husband either, and the husband is also one of my sister's best friends. In that situation, would you still think that a person like that is worth your friendship? (I completely respect your opinion, but I want to see what you would say in this particular situation.)

 

[Twisterheart]

No. I hate cheating. It is terrible to do to someone. I could never be friends with a person who does this and has no problem with it. If they are willing to hurt their partner like this, how do I know I can trust them that they won't hurt me in some way? They clearly don't care about other people or else they wouldn't be cheating, so how can I know I won't recieve the same kind of treatment?

If this was a long time friend and I found out they were doing it, I would probably try to convince them to stop and just do what I can to make them see what they are doing is wrong, but if I couldn't I would drop them.

 

[UglyMonsterFace]

No. I hate cheating. It is terrible to do to someone. I could never be friends with a person who does this and has no problem with it. If they are willing to hurt their partner like this, how do I know I can trust them that they won't hurt me in some way? They clearly don't care about other people or else they wouldn't be cheating, so how can I know I won't recieve the same kind of treatment?

If this was a long time friend and I found out they were doing it, I would probably try to convince them to stop and just do what I can to make them see what they are doing is wrong, but if I couldn't I would drop them.

100% agree with this. If I was already friends with this person, I would let them know they need to stop. If they refuse, then I'd have to say goodbye because cheating/breaking up a family is one of the most selfish awful things a person can do and I just couldn't respect a person who would do that and feel no remorse for their actions.

 

[e-puff]

As long as it doesn't impact me, I don't really care. My job is to be a friend, not pass judgement. What they do is their business, and I can't really atest to the true circumstances of the situation.

When I cheated on my husband, I lost quite a few friends, mostly due to everyone needing to "pick a side". It really felt like anyone who chose a side wasn't really a friend to begin with.

 

[Soda Fox]

lol if we were already friends im not gonna cut them off for cheating?? id obviously discourage it a lot but why cut off friendship completely and just let them cut loose and wreak havoc everywhere w/o doing anything??

but yeh if we rnt that close nd i dont kno them or the situation all too well ill go
or if they react badly to me saying they r being *******s too

I had a friend who cheated. I considered her my best friend, too. But once she started doing it her personality changed and she lost the things I valued about her, caused me unnecessary stress and tried to bring unwanted drama into my life. I cut her out because I had my own problems to deal with without the ones she brought on herself.

Of course it's up to the individual, and maybe I'm a bad friend, but I don't keep friends who try to drag me down with them on purpose.

- - - Post Merge - - -

As long as it doesn't impact me, I don't really care. My job is to be a friend, not pass judgement. What they do is their business, and I can't really atest to the true circumstances of the situation.

When I cheated on my husband, I lost quite a few friends, mostly due to everyone needing to "pick a side". It really felt like anyone who chose a side wasn't really a friend to begin with.

If your friends had to pick a side they were obviously effected by it, too.

 

[Tensu]

Sure, I completely agree that you can be friends with someone whose actions you don't support. However, in this case, the friend does not want to change, and does not want to leave her current husband either, and the husband is also one of my sister's best friends. In that situation, would you still think that a person like that is worth your friendship? (I completely respect your opinion, but I want to see what you would say in this particular situation.)

I wasn't talking about your situation in general, so it varies by circumstance. But in your case, I would just leave them alone. They honestly don't want your help or friendship and know that what they're doing is wrong so that's their problem.

 

[Aniko]

I do have friends that are/were homewreckers, cheaters, it's not something I approve, it's not something I do either but it's also none of my business. Relationships can be complex. So yes I will still be their friends (unless they are also psychopaths) because I befriended them for other reasons. It's sure I will press them not to do it and will also refuse to be part of it, so they can't count of me to lie to cover themselves.

 

[UglyMonsterFace]

As long as it doesn't impact me, I don't really care. My job is to be a friend, not pass judgement. What they do is their business, and I can't really atest to the true circumstances of the situation.

When I cheated on my husband, I lost quite a few friends, mostly due to everyone needing to "pick a side". It really felt like anyone who chose a side wasn't really a friend to begin with.

Not going to judge your situation since I don't know all the details, but from the information given, I'm assuming your friends were also your husband's friends? In that situation, I would be 100% on the husband's side, because I don't like people who hurt my friends, even if that person was a friend of mine themselves. But this is my decision for myself, I can't say what's right for everyone..

- - - Post Merge - - -

I wasn't talking about your situation in general, so it varies by circumstance. But in your case, I would just leave them alone. They honestly don't want your help or friendship and know that what they're doing is wrong so that's their problem.

Sorry, I guess I didn't really make it clear that I was asking specifically about the situation I was talking about That's my bad. But I see your points anyway.

 

[Tensu]

Sorry, I guess I didn't really make it clear that I was asking specifically about the situation I was talking about That's my bad. But I see your points anyway.

ah my apologies! I should've read better haha

 

[Soda Fox]

Not going to judge your situation since I don't know all the details, but from the information given, I'm assuming your friends were also your husband's friends? In that situation, I would be 100% on the husband's side, because I don't like people who hurt my friends, even if that person was a friend of mine themselves. But this is my decision for myself, I can't say what's right for everyone...

For me, even if the husband was only a guy I met a few times, if he seemed like a good guy, I would still choose the husband over my friend. Of course we don't know the full situation but even in abuse there at other avenues than cheating.

 

[BrinaLouWho]

So, I selected other because it really depends on the situation. If my friend was with a person and later found out that the person was in a relationship or even married then of course I'd stay friends with them that's not their fault at all. If they however cheated, felt no remorse, was wrecking a married couple, and children are involved? Heck no. That really shows how selfish those adults are. If the cheating happened only once and my friend felt awful I could probably let it slide and forgive them but being cheated on myself I couldn't forgive someone with no remorse the friendship would have to end.

 

[Aniko]

I'm afraid that for the "better and the worst" also include cheating. Although, adultery is a valable reason for a divorce (at least with Catholic church), priests also urge the spouses to forgive each other. Many long marriages included affairs unfortunately. Like my grand-ma was saying, decades ago it was not rare that pregnancies last more than 10 months when the men were away...*cough cough*. Even hurt people may decide to stay with each other because they still love each other no matter what, some people also don't care that much about fidelity...it's their business.

 

[UglyMonsterFace]

For me, even if the husband was only a guy I met a few times, if he seemed like a good guy, I would still choose the husband over my friend. Of course we don't know the full situation but even in abuse there at other avenues than cheating.

Oh, very true - I would do that too. I was just giving a reason for why friends would end a friendship in that situation besides being fake friends to begin with.

 

[Soda Fox]

I'm afraid that for the "better and the worst" also include cheating. Although, adultery is a valable reason for a divorce (at least with Catholic church), priests also urge the spouses to forgive each other. Many long marriages included affairs unfortunately. Like my grand-ma was saying, decades ago it was not rare that pregnancies last more than 10 months when the men were away...*cough cough*. Even hurt people may decide to stay with each other because they still love each other no matter what, some people also don't care that much about fidelity...it's their business.

In my opinion if someone cheats they broke their "for better or worse" contract themselves. Even one night with another behind their partners back is not staying with their partner through better or worse. The cheater broke the contract. It should not be on the loyal one to uphold something already broken.

 

[UglyMonsterFace]

I'm afraid that for the "better and the worst" also include cheating. Although, adultery is a valable reason for a divorce (at least with Catholic church), priests also urge the spouses to forgive each other. Many long marriages included affairs unfortunately. Like my grand-ma was saying, decades ago it was not rare that pregnancies last more than 10 months when the men were away...*cough cough*. Even hurt people may decide to stay with each other because they still love each other no matter what, some people also don't care that much about fidelity...it's their business.

If two people are in a relationship and both do not care for fidelity though, then it wouldn't be cheating to go pursue other sexual endeavours (lol that sounds lame). To each their own, and that's not bad. But I disagree that "better or worse" includes cheating. That would pretty much be saying, "I take you to be my lawfully wedded whatever, to have and to hold... even if you cheat on me." See how ridiculous that sounds? It's like putting a loophole in a contract, so I don't believe that's what better or worse means. It is up to each individual whether or not they choose to forgive a cheating partner, BUT they are not bound by their vows to do so.

 

[-Katze-]

So my sister asked me a question a while ago. Would you still be friends with someone who is cheating on their partner, and knowingly having an affair with a married person? Both of these couples have young children, and neither of the cheaters feel remorse or intends to stop. My brother, my boyfriend, and I all said no, we would not stay friends with a person like that, and she was very shocked about this and defensive about her decision to stay friends with this person.

She is also of the belief that cheating is a thing that should be forgiven in a marriage because the wedding vows say "for better or worse," and that ending the marriage because of that is a violation of that vow. I thought this was ridiculous, since what "worse" refers to are things like perhaps losing your home and money and becoming poor, or experiencing the death of a child (something like that), not cheating.

Please tell me your views on both topics above, please!

In those circumstances, it would depend on whether or not I'm friends with their spouse. If I don't really know their spouse, I'd still hang out with that person.This is just a guess, but it sounds like those two married and had kids before they weren't ready. If you don't mind me asking, how old are they and when did they have kids?

 

[UglyMonsterFace]

In those circumstances, it would depend on whether or not I'm friends with their spouse. If I don't really know their spouse, I'd still hang out with that person.This is just a guess, but it sounds like those two married and had kids before they weren't ready. If you don't mind me asking, how old are they and when did they have kids?

They are both over 30 years old (around 35), and they had their child maybe 5 years ago. It's not a matter of having married too early, but rather that the cheating person no longer loves her husband but refuses to end the relationship because he supports her. They even make fun of the cheating guy's wife, and call her fat, so it's a case of simple being *ss****s. And keep in mind that the husband is also one of my sister's best friends. And from the stories my sister has told me about this girl, she isn't a good friend to begin with.

 

[Soda Fox]

They are both over 30 years old (around 35), and they had their child maybe 5 years ago. It's not a matter of having married too early, but rather that the cheating person no longer loves her husband but refuses to end the relationship because he supports her. They even make fun of the cheating guy's wife, and call her fat, so it's a case of simple being *ss****s. And keep in mind that the husband is also one of my sister's best friends. And from the stories my sister has told me about this girl, she isn't a good friend to begin with.

Sounds like it. I feel really bad for the husband. Even if he gets a divorce that will only be stress for their young child and he'll still be supporting the cheating wife through child support - which really the mom can use on whatever she wants.

If your sister is going along with this, and making fun of the other wife to boot, she really doesn't seem like a good person. Sorry.

 

[UglyMonsterFace]

Sounds like it. I feel really bad for the husband. Even if he gets a divorce that will only be stress for their young child and he'll still be supporting the cheating wife through child support - which really the mom can use on whatever she wants.

If your sister is going along with this, and making fun of the other wife to boot, she really doesn't seem like a good person. Sorry.

My sister isn't making fun of the other wife, mind you, but she cannot seem to see that her friend is toxic and doesn't deserve her friendship in the first place. My sister's decisions are quite questionable a lot of the time.. Lol. And I'm not judging her for this, but she did ask me so I had to state my opinion, and it's just a very strong opinion of mine that her friend is a POS.