Do you ever feel like a "People Pleaser"?

[VanitasFan26]

I have something to confess and I am not sure if I'm the only one who feels this way but throughout my life I was always the one who tries too hard to please everyone. Yeah I know I should've known better because I know there is old saying "You can't please everyone" but honestly this was the issue I had with myself. Whenever someone in my life asks me to do something for them I always say "Yes" because I grew up in such a toxic environment where everyone was very rough with me and if I didn't do what they said I would get in trouble.

I know I may have said this in a different thread but this is one of those life lessons that I learned too late and I learned that Its nearly impossible to please other people no matter what your opinion is. Relying on others is not being useful and you have to learn how to care for yourself. What about you? Have you ever felt like a People Pleaser?

 

[Alienfish]

Whenever someone in my life asks me to do something for them I always say "Yes" because I grew up in such a toxic environment were everyone was very rough with me and if I didn't do what they said I would get in trouble.

To an extent this, though I've learned to say no in later years. But yeah I've definitely been one, or just caring too much for others rather than myself.

 

[Croconaw]

I don’t feel like this anymore, but I definitely used to. I tried so much to just make everyone else happy, and that’s fine, but not at the expense of your happiness. You just can’t make everyone happy, so start with yourself. Just my two cents.

 

[Kitsuragi]

i used to be a for a little while. when i was a manager at gamestop i let people kind of walk all over me when it came to things like hours and days off. it lead to me working 14 days straight and getting in trouble with my district manager, and i got a stern talking to on how to say no and make people do their work. i've got a bit of a backbone now so i can definitely say no, but sometimes to spare feelings or time its just easier to do something to make someone feel better even if its an inconvenience.

 

[_Rainy_]

Yes, definitely. I've learned recently that I have no boundaries, which causes a lot of problems for me. Makes it harder to make decisions and causes me to be passive aggressive a lot of the time. Even when I do attempt to place boundaries it's not taken seriously and I end up caving. I'm definitely scared of being rejected, but now that I'm aware of this I'm trying to not be this way, but it hasn't been easy.

 

[Aquilla]

Yes, definitely. I've learned recently that I have no boundaries, which causes a lot of problems for me. Makes it harder to make decisions and causes me to be passive aggressive a lot of the time. Even when I do attempt to place boundaries it's not taken seriously and I end up caving. I'm definitely scared of being rejected, but now that I'm aware of this I'm trying to not be this way, but it hasn't been easy.

This is basically my exact issue. I have a hard time saying no and go out of my way to try and get it right for everyone. When I do try to set boundaries they are either being ignored, people try to talk me out of it/ convince me otherwise or I cave in straight away on my own accord. „Yes“ is always my first impulse whenever I’m asked something. I don’t really know how to change this, I’m too afraid of rejection and judgement. If I do somehow manage to get my way, I end up feeling guilty, lazy or like a horrible, selfish person.

 

[Aniko]

"NO". It the first word I learned in my life and it took me quite a while to learn to say "yes", literally. By default I always said NO, to everything, but growing older I learned to say "yes", not always to please people, but to avoid problems and useless confrontations...but it doesn't mean because I say Yes, I will do it... I know that some people just want the satisfaction to hear "yes" but will totally forget about it a minute later, or will change their mind. Maybe some are just doing this for fun as well, they send the rookie on an errand then tell then they don't need it anymore. If I say "No" right away they will get offended and throw a tantrum, so I say "yes" and wait, most of the time they forget about it and I saved myself time and useless confrontations, if they didn't forget I can say "Yes, I'm about to do that" and often they will say "forget about it, I changed my mind" or "I don't need it anymore" and then, because asking me to do something is not that fun, they won't bother me anymore unless they really need it. Or I can also say "yes" and then propose them something else (because I don't really agree with it). Or say "yes" and really mean it, like when I want to please my mom. If I say "yes" and do it, it's because I'm fine with it whatever the outcome, if the person is still not pleased, well, too bad.

 

[.: Meri :.]

Ohh big time. ;; I hate having to tell people "no" or correct them on anything, because I don't want to make anyone feel bad, and I'm always scared of accidentally upsetting someone. I've had some bad experiences, and I just can't shake the fear that people who like and accept me now are suddenly going to turn around and hate me for something later, no matter how irrational it may be. Definitely something I'm going to address with a therapist as soon as I can find one. I think I have a hard time really opening up to people because of it.

 

[VanitasFan26]

Ohh big time. ;; I hate having to tell people "no" or correct them on anything, because I don't want to make anyone feel bad, and I'm always scared of accidentally upsetting someone. I've had some bad experiences, and I just can't shake the fear that people who like and accept me now are suddenly going to turn around and hate me for something later, no matter how irrational it may be. Definitely something I'm going to address with a therapist as soon as I can find one. I think I have a hard time really opening up to people because of it.

Don't feel too bad. You're not the only one who has a hard time opening up to people. I had the same issue myself also.

 

[QueenCobra]

Yes. I hate answering questions about what to do because I don't want to cause trouble. I have a hard time admitting when things are hard for me, but that might also have to do with my struggle with pragmatic language.
I am bi and as a teenager I was very nervous about people learning my "secret" and judging me for it. I also (irrationally so) worried that feminists would judge me for being attracted to other women. I was relieved to find that a lot of feminists are lesbian or bi, and that most people I knew were absolutely OK with my "secret."
I also used to suck in my stomach in public because I didn't want people thinking I was fat. (Spoiler alert: I wasn't, and there's nothing wrong with being a bit chubby-- I was just insecure about people's reactions.)

 

[Neb]

100%. I have a strong fear of abandonment from being ghosted and blocked by several people. I constantly have the thought in the back of mind that one mistake will mean the end of another friendship. On one toxic Discord server I censor myself daily out of fear of angering the several people who hate me. When I bring it up with my therapists they just say to establish boundaries with the people I talk to. I don’t know how to do this though, so I haven’t made much progress.

 

[Midoriya]

Yes, I am, but I do it because I want to, not because anyone asks me to. My family on the other hand... they will not take "no" for an answer.

 

[LadyDestani]

Oh, yes, that is something I'm only now learning to correct about myself. I've been a people pleaser all my life. I grew up in a dysfunctional family where everyone was always arguing with each other. I hated it and became the mediator at a very young age. Always stepping in to keep the peace. This carried over to school and work as well. I always had this fear of conflict and confrontation because of the environment I grew up in. Because of that, I could never say 'no' to anything. I wanted everyone else to be happy and I didn't place any value on my own happiness. In my mind, I came last. I've been working with a counselor and I'm finally starting to put myself first sometimes, but it's a difficult thing to do after all this time.

 

[CrankyCupcake]

Nope, I've always been a bit of a troublemaker so I have no problem saying no or doing things my own way regardless of what other people think. It was the opposite problem for me and I needed to learn to stop being selfish and uncooperative. Over the years I've become more accommodating. I've learned to be more demonstrative and supportive of the people I care about. But I still have no problem saying no whether it's to family or strangers, if I feel that is what I needed to say.

 

[-Mars-]

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[TurnipBell20]

I have, but not anymore. Some months ago I came to the awareness that I shouldn’t care about what other people think (unless my actions could hurt them). If people don’t like me the way I am, or if they expect too much from me, it’s not my problem. When someone is mad at me, I now don’t automatically think I’ve done something wrong. I try to solve the conflict without blaming myself for it. That new way of thinking has made me much happier, and it has actually improved my relationship with people.

 

[QueenCobra]

Love hearing about everyone's journeys!

 

[tumut]

I do not. I rarely seek validation from others so I don't really care

 

[xSuperMario64x]

^ same here, I know being autistic/LGBT already makes me different enough from everyone else so I don't live to please people and I rarely take advice from anyone, especially if they don't know me or what I go through every day. only I know what's best for me.

when I was a kid I was more of a people pleaser bc I always wanted to make my parents happy, but as I've gotten older I've learned that people will always have something to complain abt even if you do everything else the way they want you to. so now I just do what I think is right

edit: wanted to mention, part of me still tries to seek validation from others (particularly with my craft like music/art) but I'm learning to just draw for myself and if I like my art then that's all that matters. luckily I'm blessed to have people who also enjoy it.

 

[Millysaurusrexjr]

Most likely I am.. I care way too much what people think of me!! It's tiring. I really envy people who say they don't care what other people think.. it almost seems completely unbelievable.