Hey all! I've been in relationship for 3 years and now it's been 1 year that I'm married to my love. But we have been having so much of in differences. We keep fighting all the time. We love each other a lot, but I'm afraid these fights could ruin our relationship. It's like both of us need our private spaces. Both of us are quite frustrated within for making so much of compromises on our privacy and freedom. So, I'm thinking I live separately from him. No, I'm not asking for a divorce. I don't want to leave my love forever. But, I think a little space would do good. So, I've been thinking I get a job outside Canada or elsewhere. But the problem is, in case I join a new job, I would probably have to sign in a company bond of at least 2 years. So, if that happens, I will have to live away for almost two years. You think such a long gap, would do more damage to our relationship? Well, by living separately, I don't mean, we won't meet. We could still have a relationship, like how we used to have before marriage. But, then will this legally cause any problem? I've read that, partners can go in for a divorce, if they have been living away from each other for more than a year. http://www.monteithbaker.com/practice-areas/family-law/separation-divorce/ You think, this decision of mine, would lead us into a divorce too? Or do you think, our love could get stronger? I really need some good advice. However, I've not spoken to my husband anything about this so far. Need all your advice, will then speak to him.
Am I taking the right decision?
- Thread starter Helia254
- Start date
its hard for me to truly answer this when I don't know either of you personally at all..
I mean, if you think this is right, then that's what matters. what matters is what you both think is right/good for the two of you and your relationship. personally, I think two years is way too long. when you marry someone, you vow to stick with them through sickness and health and hard times and good times. I get you're arguing but it sounds like they're over simple disagreements, correct? I mean you're bound to have differences. no one is really alike.. can you not work through it? I don't see how being out of the country/state for two years occupied with a job full time is going to help this much. I wouldn't necessarily say this could lead to a divorce but I mean two years in marriage and being away is a long time. what about your first home? having children? cooking together, going on dates, etc.? you need things in order to make marriages work and the main thing is physically being together. living together, having those date nights, waking up to each other and falling asleep together, hugging each other and having physical interactions..
I don't know. again, I don't know you two personally or your relationship or anything about the extent of these arguments but if it were me I'd suck it up and make things work or I'd simply leave because I was unhappy instead of running away for a few years, you know? but again, only you two know what's right, not us. good luck to you both! I hope you can get through this little rough patch.
I mean, if you think this is right, then that's what matters. what matters is what you both think is right/good for the two of you and your relationship. personally, I think two years is way too long. when you marry someone, you vow to stick with them through sickness and health and hard times and good times. I get you're arguing but it sounds like they're over simple disagreements, correct? I mean you're bound to have differences. no one is really alike.. can you not work through it? I don't see how being out of the country/state for two years occupied with a job full time is going to help this much. I wouldn't necessarily say this could lead to a divorce but I mean two years in marriage and being away is a long time. what about your first home? having children? cooking together, going on dates, etc.? you need things in order to make marriages work and the main thing is physically being together. living together, having those date nights, waking up to each other and falling asleep together, hugging each other and having physical interactions..
I don't know. again, I don't know you two personally or your relationship or anything about the extent of these arguments but if it were me I'd suck it up and make things work or I'd simply leave because I was unhappy instead of running away for a few years, you know? but again, only you two know what's right, not us. good luck to you both! I hope you can get through this little rough patch.
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Maybe give you and your husband more time to sort things up. You might come to regret your decision later on if you don't on impulse. Also, correct me if im wrong but are you getting an oversea job just because of your quarrels with your husband? If yes, i think that you're taking things too far. Like i said, give more time between you two. If it still doesn't work out, well , your decision to decide whats gonna happen next. And btw, if my partner stays far in another country from me, id feel like there's no point in this kind of relationship given that we are alr not on such good terms and just break up. But that's just me.
KnightsSorrow
Senior Member
There's a difference from each partner having a little space and having actual time apart. Space and individual time for yourself is something that can be talked about and compromised about, if both partners are willing. Actual time and space apart can be difficult if things are discussed properly... It can leave one or both partners unsure about the future, which will do more harm than good.
Either way, it's a decision that needs to be made and agreed to together, otherwise it can lead to resentment.
Either way, it's a decision that needs to be made and agreed to together, otherwise it can lead to resentment.
DevotedHaunting
Senior Member
@Licorice , that's rude when you don't know her or her partner.
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You love them a lot and want to improve your relationship? Communication is key in a relationship and leaving the country for 2 years is just kind of not facing the problem here. Do you think that when you return, everything will magically be fixed? I think the two of you should talk. I don't know you or which problems do you have, but if they were really big you would probably want to leave already so I'm sure you can fix them. This is just my opinion, though, and if you really feel like you need some space you do your thing!!
You can always crash at a friend's place or go stay with your parents/family or even go on a trip for a few days with your friends. That way you both get space and the time apart won't be so long and the distance is temporary.
Distance puts a strain on relationships, marriages included. So be cautious if you're going to be away for a long time (like in your example, 2 years). However, for some it works... it really depends on the couple.
Lastly, when you do speak to him don't suggest living apart immediately or going away for however long it is. Keep that to yourself until you both (if) decide to talk about spending time apart. Throwing that at him so early can make him think many - bad - things. Start by telling him how you feel about all the fighting and ask how he feels and then you two can discuss your thoughts and feelings more thoroughly as you try to solve the issue.
Good luck.
Distance puts a strain on relationships, marriages included. So be cautious if you're going to be away for a long time (like in your example, 2 years). However, for some it works... it really depends on the couple.
Lastly, when you do speak to him don't suggest living apart immediately or going away for however long it is. Keep that to yourself until you both (if) decide to talk about spending time apart. Throwing that at him so early can make him think many - bad - things. Start by telling him how you feel about all the fighting and ask how he feels and then you two can discuss your thoughts and feelings more thoroughly as you try to solve the issue.
Good luck.
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this is kinda hard to answer considering i don't know either of you, and i've never been in a relationship
but i would give you guys some more time. distance can put even more strain on a relationship, and i think leaving the country would be a bit of an extreme. but at the end of the day, you gotta do what you think is best. but at least talk to your husband about this if you're genuinely considering this
but i would give you guys some more time. distance can put even more strain on a relationship, and i think leaving the country would be a bit of an extreme. but at the end of the day, you gotta do what you think is best. but at least talk to your husband about this if you're genuinely considering this
Celestefey
どうでもいい
It seems like a rash and sudden decision to just up and move out of the country for 2 years or so, which I don't really recommend. BUT it's essential that you give each other your own space, and maybe that's something you haven't truly achieved as a couple. That's something you need to work on. A good relationship will last, even if you can just spend time to yourself and not necessarily all day everyday with each other. I think you need to talk this through with your partner. Try and find somewhere else to stay for the time being, just give each other some breathing space, and see how it goes. Maybe think through some strategies or ways you can maintain distance even if you're still living together and so that it feels as though you are not constantly encroaching on each others personal space - alone time is still VERY important in relationships, regardless of how long you have been together. You can still meet up every now and then, go out for coffee or something, or just spend an evening at the cinema or something, so you can still spend SOME time together, but at the same time, give your partner space. Good luck, hope you can sort things out eventually, just stay strong and ensure you keep communicating to your partner how you feel, as that is what will keep your relationship healthy! <3
I may not be able to relate since well...I'm not even in my 20's yet,nor married.But I've been in many relationships (in my 7th to be precise) and I can firmly say without a doubt,an important part of a successful relationship is communication above all.Honesty comes second.You definitely should ask him when the time is right to sit with you so you can have a talk,but don't sound too serious when you say this or he'll think you want a divorce or something of sorts.And be calm when you talk to him about it.Explain your worries and confront the issues that you guys are having.Don't have those half a**ed talks where you or your SO is wishy washy,being vague,dodging questions,etc.Tackle each and every issue patiently.Worst comes to worst, if you try this and things don't get better,you always have two plans.What you planned.OR,you can sign up for "couple therapy." I've never been but it's worth a shot.Best of luck to you;not necessary but if you want to update us,just to see the outcome and know how things are :/ )
I've been in a somewhat similar circumstance as you are in, but sort of the opposite. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, we were long distance (over 2,500 miles apart for 2 years) not by choice, and we've been living together for one year. I don't know the circumstances of your relationship, but distance normally does more harm than good. It seems really strange to me that you actually want to be away from your partner. I don't think being far away will magically fix things. But, who knows. Sometimes distance works for people. I have an aunt who's been married for over 25 years and she's long distance with her husband and they prefer it that way. Whenever they're together for a long period of time they fight. But they still do love each other.
I think you shouldn't do anything rash. It's better to fix things right now, then to wait until you're stuck in a different country with no going back. I think you should discuss with him your feelings and just go from there. My boyfriend and I fight all the time, and our fights can get pretty bad. But that doesn't mean I want him to move across the country again! At the end of the day, as long as you still love one another, that's all that matters. Relationships need work, it requires a lot of effort from both parties for a relationship to be successful. Distance would normally only add strain, because you're far away from your loved one Plus you need to put in twice as much effort and time in communicating with one another, because you can't physically be there. I hope everything ends up working out for you. ^^
I think you shouldn't do anything rash. It's better to fix things right now, then to wait until you're stuck in a different country with no going back. I think you should discuss with him your feelings and just go from there. My boyfriend and I fight all the time, and our fights can get pretty bad. But that doesn't mean I want him to move across the country again! At the end of the day, as long as you still love one another, that's all that matters. Relationships need work, it requires a lot of effort from both parties for a relationship to be successful. Distance would normally only add strain, because you're far away from your loved one Plus you need to put in twice as much effort and time in communicating with one another, because you can't physically be there. I hope everything ends up working out for you. ^^
Thank you so much for all your replies. Seriously, I didn't think I would get so much of advice. Thank you all so much. And yes I agree, running away from problems ain't a solution. But probably both of us need our old love back. Probably a small distance could set things right. And no I don't want to leave him. Anyways, just hope for the best. I haven't finalized anything yet.
DarkDesertFox
Your Typical Trickster
My grandpa remarried after his wife passed away, but he rushed things. Him and his wife couldn't stand living under the same roof anymore. Instead of getting a divorce, they did what you're suggesting and got two separate places to live. That's the only way the marriage has been able to work so far. Now the part that would have you live away for 2 years I'm not so sure. I'm not going to get too personal, but can these problems not be sorted out with some marriage counseling? Talk it over with your husband how much these fights are influencing this decision before you jump to anything.
I personally think that the minute you or your partner walks out the door, there's no going back to the way things were. You think you're giving them time and space, but that time could end up being forever, and that space could be a universe apart.
If you feel happier when he's not around, then you should keep it that way. One of the main reasons I don't intend to get legally married is to avoid scenarios like this, where you suddenly don't feel compatible anymore.
Things happen and people change. It's a good thing. You're both developing.
If you feel happier when he's not around, then you should keep it that way. One of the main reasons I don't intend to get legally married is to avoid scenarios like this, where you suddenly don't feel compatible anymore.
Things happen and people change. It's a good thing. You're both developing.
pawpatrolbab
🌈Always be yourself☀️
Everyone says the first year of marriage is the hardest, but needing personal space isn't a red flag at all. You could love someone with all your heart and still need personal space, having time apart from your partner is healthy and it's needed to re-charge. The key to a relationship is communication, when you married each-other you agreed to be partners, and as your partner he should understand your boundaries and try his best to work with them, as you would do with him.
As Bowie mention, people change. That doesn't exactly mean that your love will die but if you have enough love to love your partner last selves and look forward to what they're willing to become or change to.
The main aspect I'm getting from your situation is that you keep arguing. Both of you are changing for the better or perhaps the worse. Naturally, you're going to fight once in awhile. I think since you're growing and constantly arguing, that would be a perfect time to actually talk. There are new things happening to you constantly and it would be refreshing to know the current you and what's causing you to behave differently than before(thus main objective in your arguing). You probably liked doing this awhile back and now hate it or perhaps how you responded to a situation is now handle differently than what you previously did. This will be good to help ensure your partner in how you're feeling so it won't always end up as a heated argument when it's simply a gesture of trying to know.
It seems to me that neither one of you know how to handle the argument or even approach it. When it comes to arguing people see that as a fall out or "oh this simply can't do, not taking the risk" when it can perhaps help strengthen your relationship.
Recognize There Are Two Problems: Your Emotions and The Situation.
When you first get upset or angry with your significant other, there are almost always two problems: your emotions and the actual problem. For example, say you're frustrated with your partner for not doing the dishes. You now have two problems to solve: the dishes need to be done and you need to no longer be upset with your partner for not doing them. Communication is key. You need to understand the environment around you and the possible outcome base of what you just sown. No one is a mind reader. Either you're expecting him to know a situation full handely by being indirect or you want him to know how you feel despite the correlation.
Or perhaps you don't want to get to know and thus the main reason in ending your relationship. If you believe a 2 year trip will suddenly make you head over heels again them idk man. It's hard wrapping around other people perspective of realty.
The main aspect I'm getting from your situation is that you keep arguing. Both of you are changing for the better or perhaps the worse. Naturally, you're going to fight once in awhile. I think since you're growing and constantly arguing, that would be a perfect time to actually talk. There are new things happening to you constantly and it would be refreshing to know the current you and what's causing you to behave differently than before(thus main objective in your arguing). You probably liked doing this awhile back and now hate it or perhaps how you responded to a situation is now handle differently than what you previously did. This will be good to help ensure your partner in how you're feeling so it won't always end up as a heated argument when it's simply a gesture of trying to know.
It seems to me that neither one of you know how to handle the argument or even approach it. When it comes to arguing people see that as a fall out or "oh this simply can't do, not taking the risk" when it can perhaps help strengthen your relationship.
Recognize There Are Two Problems: Your Emotions and The Situation.
When you first get upset or angry with your significant other, there are almost always two problems: your emotions and the actual problem. For example, say you're frustrated with your partner for not doing the dishes. You now have two problems to solve: the dishes need to be done and you need to no longer be upset with your partner for not doing them. Communication is key. You need to understand the environment around you and the possible outcome base of what you just sown. No one is a mind reader. Either you're expecting him to know a situation full handely by being indirect or you want him to know how you feel despite the correlation.
Or perhaps you don't want to get to know and thus the main reason in ending your relationship. If you believe a 2 year trip will suddenly make you head over heels again them idk man. It's hard wrapping around other people perspective of realty.
