The Bears Of Dunny County

[Dunny County]

...BANK HOLIDAY UPDATE...

Dunny County doesn't really have much in the way of government, but it does have a volunteer council who occasionally meet to vote on important matters. The last time they convened was during the Bear-Flu Pandemic of 2020 when they decide to enforce early hibernation, today they met again to decide how the County can celebrate the coronation of King Lionel III...

...they comprise of Groucho from the Gas-Stop, Tammy from the Ranch and Teddy from Fish-Co Processing...

...quite how these three have come to represent the whole of Dunny County I don't know, but I like I say it IS voluntary.

The coronation of King Lionel III shouldn't really be something that bothers bear-kind (Lionel is a lion in case you're not up with animal royalty) but since it involves a few days off work Dunny County leapt at the chance to join in, as such the council decided to open the floor to any ideas residents may have for how they can celebrate...

...Ike went up first to explain to them the famous conspiracy theory about how the Royal family are actually all shape-shifting lizard-beings...

...second up were Kody and Pudge, who did an enthusiastic presentation to accompany their pitch, but never actually got around to explaining quite what it was...

...and finally Nate arrived - and having completely misunderstood what this meeting was about, proceeded to read out an essay he wrote entitled "what I did during the summer holidays"...

...after everyone had left, the council had a big long, in-depth discussion about all the terrific ideas they had heard...

...before Tammy eventually just suggested they do a community barbeque party. "All those in favour raise your paw..."

"...motion passed!"

 

[Dunny County]

CORONATION DAY IN DUNNY COUNTY

So yesterday the bears of Dunny County decided to celebrate the coronation of King Lionel III by holding a party underneath the over-pass. They're a bit of a mix of royalists and republicans over in the county but none of them are capable of turning down free hooch, which was being provided by Royal 'super-fan' Urusula from her pop-up bar.

That's Nate in his 'military uniform' up there by the way. Nobody had the heart to tell him the Cub-Scouts were never officially a military organisation. You might also notice a tv up there, Teddy was kind enough to arrange that so that everyone could watch the coronation live on Great Bear Capital News

Pudge set up the 'chill-out' zone for those not hugely interested in all things Royal. Groucho grabbed a seat early, not only is he not hugely interested in all things Royal, he's not hugely interested in anything. Ike took up residence there quickly too, seems as good a spot as any to start sharing/ranting about reptilian conspiracy theory (Lionel is a lizard apparently...?)

Tammy and Kody think getting a new King is cool, so they were happy to run a barbecue at the party. Oh there's Charlise there too having a bit of a boogie - and her cub Murphy down at the bottom there...

...he brought his laptop along to the party (he still had some homework to finish) - A very bored Vlad and Cheri then commandeered it so they could watch music videos instead - I guess all the King & Queen stuff they've been doing over at school all week has made them bored of this Royal nonsense. Murphy didn't mind really, he gets on okay with the twins.

Ursulla's sister Megan from over in The Great Bear Capital did a zoom call to her sister whilst the cubs were trying to watch the newest Klaus Schmidt video. As soon as she heard her voice Uruslla came running over to talk to her... and she wouldn't let anyone get in her way, not even her step-son Murphy! OOF!

Charlise was NOT happy, but I don't think Urusulla even noticed - she and her sister have been Royal mad since they were cubs themselves and nothing was going to spoil today for them!!

Oh well... Speaking of relatives, Grizzly and Maple came over to visit Uncle Ike, who briefly stopped ranting about how the King was a lizard in disguise for five minutes... though completely failed to think of anything else to say instead...

Still, I think a fun time was ultimately had by all - sometimes its just nice when communities come together and share in history...

...So HAPPY CORONATION WEEKEND from me and all the bears of DUNNY COUNTY!!! And long live King Lionell III...

 

[Dunny County]

Things have been quiet in Dunny County since the coronation earlier this month, to be honest most of the Bears went into a brief three week hibernation (a hangover cure technique they only employ after big community events) - Obviously as a human I didn't actually need to hibernate, but I did have to pretend I had been, which unfortunately meant joining in some of the wake up rituals... like peeing in a hedge!

...anyway, once I'd done that and faked a few yawns and stretches, I was back in business and so was Dunny County!

On the last Sunday of every month Ike takes his beloved niece Maple with him to hunt for UFO's out in the desert. It's become a bit of a tradition for them. Ike often brags he's one of the greatest UFO trackers in the world, but Maple has noticed his tracking technique often just involves loudly asking anyone in the area if they've seen any....

Maple wasn't sure why Nate was hosting a pretend tea-party in the middle of the desert, but when she asked him later he admitted he wasn't that sure either.

But as weird as that encounter was, at least it wasn't as awkward for Maple as their next one, when they encountered a naked-sunbathing Ursulla and Charlise, although Ike didn't seem bothered...

Poor Maple, that's a sight you can't unsee... She really hoped they didn't bump into anyone else during this months hunt, her Uncle always seems to be completely oblivious to anything that doesn't directly relate to UFO's when he's doing this and it often leads to some really weird situations....

...like for example the one with Curt that occured later that night...!!

"I aint seen nothing." Curt told them, "And neither have you, kapishe?"

Maple wanted to point out they HAD seen something, they'd seen him inxeplicably burying a briefcase full of money, in the desert, in the middle of the night... But then she realised her Uncle hadn't seen any of that at all, so laser-focused was he on tracking the UFO... Oh well, she's sure Curt had his reasons, maybe he's just saving for Olive's college fund?

Anyway, eventually the night drew to a close and Ike was forced to admit the hunt had been a bust again... they'd just have to try again next month...

 

[Dunny County]

Happy Sunday everyone! Although as some of you may know it's not been an especially happy one for the famous television personality Fang Hopefield, aka "The Silver Wolf"...

I'm sure some of you here don't quite keep up with the entertainment news over in the animal world, but Fang is a big star for them - his career has been running for over forty years and he's beloved by millions. I suppose the human world equivilent would be somebody like, say, Andi Peters...

Anyway, a story hit the Sunday tabloids today that seems certain to kill his career off for good, but yesterday most the animal world knew nothing, except that he had just been fired from his lucrative contract over at GBC-TV.

Teddy was hugely affected by it, he was doing his morning shift at Fish-Co Processing when he heard the news via the little radio Ike always insists on bringing to work with him "In-case there's an alien invasion"

He just couldn't understand what 'The Silver Wolf' could have done so wrong that would result in his dismissal, he was pretty much a national treasure and nobody ever had a bad word to say about him. Teddy started remembering how, when he was a little cub, he'd run home from Bear School so he could watch the young Fang present children's hour on GBC-TV. Fang was always so friendly and entertaining - and his hijinks with his puppet Dolly-The-Doll used to have Teddy in stitches...

It was so hard to imagine that young, denim shirt clad, trendy Wolf ever committing any kind of crime, surely this was some mistake?

Teddy was so thrown by all this that he headed to Ursulla's bar at lunch-time for some liquid comfort. Ursulla hadn't heard the news herself, but when Teddy told her she was just as surprised as him. She started remembering how she and her wife Charlise never missed an episode of Fang's popular saturday evening show "Prancing On Skates" - where the Silver Wolf would judge other animals ability to not fall over on some ice. Last year a hippo caused controversy by winning, despite squashing several opponents... But that was certainly not Fang's fault, whatever this scandal is it must be bigger than that...

Teddy's mind was pre-occupied all day, when he was driving home he nearly forgot to stop for gas, but fortunately he remembered at the last second. Groucho came out to serve him, he'd just heard the news about Fang's firing himself and he was busy remembering all those mornings as a student-bear when he would wake up at 11 and stick on the popular magazine show "This Morrow" - hosted by none-other than the Silver Wolf and "The lovely Isabelle". They made quite the double-act and seemed like best friends on and off screen, plus Fang always wore a smart suit... Groucho has never even owned a suit and can't understand how anybody who does could EVER do anything wrong...

Unfortunately though, Teddy, Uruslla and Groucho all had to wait another 24 hours before the true story was revealed in the papers this morning... And if you're wondering what the big scandal is, well, here at Inside Dunny County we are delighted to exclusively reveal it to the watching human-world... I'm afraid to report that the 'happily married' Silver Wolf was captured on camera by an (admittedly handsome) undercover reporter having some car-park rumpy-pumpy with a giant chicken in a crop-top...

I don't know, you think you know someone etc...

Anyway, that was the scandal and it looks like it's not one Fang is going to recover from anytime soon. If it had been a fox or something, most of the animal kingdom might have forgiven him, but a Chicken?! A Wolf and a Chicken?! No, that's unacceptable by any mammal's standard!

...Oh... And if you're wondering who the 'handsome reporter' was who snapped this career destroying picture, well, I can reveal that too...

MWAAAA HA HA HA HA!!! I'm going to get a book deal out of this!!!!

...See you next time folks! x

 

[Dunny County]

Hey folks, happy Pride Month! ...Except it isn't Pride Month in Dunny County at all - you see, for Bears 'Pride' is just a word used to describe a pack of lions - so instead they simply call it 'Love Month' and they have their own flag to celebrate it...

There it is, up there above me! It's quite nice isn't it? A bit like our pride flag but with a heart shaped bear paw print instead.

Oh and incase you're wondering, the word 'homosexual' also doesn't mean anything to Bears because it comes from 'homosapien' - which as you know, means people. The scientific name for Bears is Ursidae, so you can probably guess what they use instead... That's right, "Ursisexual!"

Unfortunately that particular community is very underrepresented in Dunny County, it only has a two figure population so a minority here is REALLY a minority... And that minority takes the form of happily married bear couple Charlise and Ursulla!

Every year for love month, Charlise and Ursulla take part in a 'Love March' - they march down the whole of the Dunny County highway, through the Great Bear Capital, then back out again to the East part of the highway, finishing in the car-park just under the overpass...

...it's sad that they have to march alone really...

Oh hang on... What's this...?

"Did you hear something Charlise?"

Amazing! It looks like a paw-full of DC residents have decided their dear friends shouldn't march alone - so they've boogied on down to join them!

Unfortunately my cameras only cover Dunny County, but shortly after this one was taken the bears all ended up marching through the Great Bear Capital... Perhaps my best-friend @Goldi Locks managed to spot them?

Anyway, once they'd made it through the capital they came out the other side and as planned arrived at the under-pass car-park, where a very special surprise awaited them. It turns out that GBC-TV's flagship magazine show "This Morrow" had decided to cover the march. That's 'the lovely Isabelle' there interviewing our favourite Urisisexual couple - and if you're wondering who the Hippo is, well that's Bubble - she was brought in to replace the disgraced Fang Hopefield. I guess GBC-TV is trying to ride this scandal out.

Anyway, it doesn't matter who is hosting the show, what matters is that Charlise and Ursulla get to represent their community for millions of animal viewers...

...and just when they thought their day couldn't get any better... it didn't. It got worse. Because with a sudden shriek of delight, none-other than creepy pop-star Klaus Schmidt suddenly came running onto the make-shift stage and started trying to hog all the attention and camera time!

Oh for goodness sake, what is that ridiculous bear wearing this time?

Charlise and Ursulla weren't very happy, they knew full well that Klaus wasn't Ursisexual - for a start he was always getting papped in the tabloids with a variety of very female looking models on his arm. How dare he butt in on THEIR day?!

His manager Barold had come along with him and tried explaining to an equally angry Tammy and Kody that even though Klaus wasn't *technically* Urisexual, his pop-star persona WAS and so apparently it still counted.

...hmmmm... I notice Ike and Teddy there examining that dustbin and bucket... I wonder what they're planning on doing with those...?

Ahhhh... Looks like we're about to find out... And so are Klaus and Barold! I think you chose the wrong Love March to crash this time boys!

HA HA HA HA HA! Get in the BIN pretenders!

Happy Love Month from me and all the Bears Of Dunny County!

...till next time! x

 

[Dunny County]

A few folks over on my twitter were asking me what Dunny County does in terms of emergency services. Well the council budget doesn't quite stretch to providing any I'm afraid, so some of the locals actually operate them on a volunteer basis:

I was keen to find out more, so I convinced them all to let me accompany them on a few ride-alongs!

My week's investigation began with tailing the volunteer fire-fighters, Groucho and Nate - who were responding to a call that they'd made themselves about a garbage fire round the back of their own Gas-Station. It was strange to see them both race away from the Gas-Station on bikes, go to 'Fire Station HQ' (Nate's Mum's house) - get changed into their fire fighting uniforms, pick up their fire truck and then drive all the way back to the Gas Station again to fight the fire they'd left to spread for half an hour...

Apparently these garbage fires round the back have been quite a common occurrence lately, they just can't figure out what's causing them...

Fascinating to see them in action though, battling the flames with an unattached hose and an empty bucket.

Anyway, the next day I accompanied the volunteer paramedics, Charlise and Ursulla. It wasn't long before they got their first emergency call of the day and it sounded like a particularly grisly one, Tammy had called to say that there had been a 'Serious agricultural accident' over at the ranch. She didn't quite specify what it was, but given that place has got wood-chippers and combine harvesters in it then it was quite possible a bear may have lost a limb, or worse...

...But, as it turned out, it was simply that Pudge had ran over Kody's foot with a wheel-barrow!

He was alright by the way, just a bit irritated.

On the final day of my investigation it was time to shadow volunteer police officers Ike and Teddy. They responded to a call from non-other than one of my first ride-along subjects, Nate. He had apparently returned to his motor-home that evening to discover the entire place had been robbed!

"They took everything!" He told them, "My television, my sofa, even my flatmate Groucho!"

Fortunately it didn't take long for the officers to solve the case... Nate's motorhome hadn't been robbed at all, he'd just neglected to turn the lights on!

So in conclusion, I wasted an entire week of my life.

Till next time folks!

 

[Dunny County]

Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of Inside Dunny County. You may have heard recently that a group of activists calling themselves 'Just-Stop-Honey' have been making headlines across the animal kingdom with their various protests and stunts, all in the name of convincing the world that if we don't stop eating honey soon then... ...um... well, they're never too specific about what might actually happen, but they do seem to insist it'll be very bad whatever it is.

Of course these activists regularly target bear-communities, since they are the primary consumers of honey in the animal kingdom and as such it was only a matter of time before they started showing up in Dunny County.

Since his niece and nephew came to live with him Teddy has had to take a second job to help with the fact he has three snouts to feed now, so every Tuesday he works as a delivery driver for the ranch, picking up crates of honey from Tammy and driving it all the way to Grizzly's restaurant 'The Honey-Pot' over in the The Great Bear Capital.

On this particular tuesday though, the journey was complicated by the fact that halfway along the desert highway Teddy was forced to stop the truck thanks to three strangely dressed animals laying in the middle of the road... Teddy doesn't really have time to watch the news much, so he had no idea who they were or why they were trying to stop him...

...nor did he particularly care, all he knew was that if he didn't deliver this honey then he wouldn't get paid. He attempted to talk to the activists but they just kept chanting 'just stop honey' at him as they lay there wearing blindfolds. Eventually he gave up, whipped out his mobile and started texting his friends over at the gas-stop.

Pretty soon Groucho and Nate were on the scene, like Teddy they had no idea what on earth this nonsense was about but they agreed to help - and under Teddys supervision they set about lifting up the truck...

...then placing it down again on the other side of the clueless activists!!

Nice work boys! Teddy carried on with his delivery and by the time the raging activists realised what had happened he was already dissapearing off down the highway!

Better luck next time Just-Stop-Honey!

 

[Dunny County]

Those pesky Just-Stop-Honey animals were at it again today! They ran into the Dunny County Sports Centre (actually its just an abandoned log cabin that Ike stuck a home-made boxing ring inside) and started throwing confetti around to try ruin the match...

Unfortunately they happened to pick the one day that Charlise and Ursulla had rented half the 'gym' out to renew their wedding vows, so everyone just assumed they were part of the congregation.

What a set of clowns they are - and if the rumours I've been hearing from The Great Bear Capital are true, they've been humiliating themselves just as much there too!

 

[Dunny County]

Looks like creepy popstar Klaus Schmiddt is staying over in Dunny County again - once again adopting one of his many elaborate disguises to throw off the paparazzi. I'm not sure why he bothers, as far as I know I'm on the only reporter in the entire county and the only reason I'm covering this complete non-story is because nothing else has happened this week.

I presume that Klaus is here for the premiere of the new movie 'BEARBIE' which is taking place over in The Great Bear Capital this weekend. Apparently he wrote the theme tune or something. As for me, I've already seen it because some of the residents of Dunny County got hold of a bootleg screener copy and played it at a pop-up Drive-In.

...Nate had an especially good time....

 

[Dunny County]

After another week undercover in Dunny County it's nice to get back to my apartment over in the Great Bear Capital and it's especially nice when my best friend @Goldi Locks comes over to visit. She's such a good friend she didn't even point out to me the fact I was still wearing my Dunny County disguise.

Nice pad isn't it? That's my studio over there on the left, that's where I do my weekly news from.

Speaking of which...!

UFO NEWS

Over at the ranch Kody, Tammy and Pudge all witnessed a massive great UFO hovering over their crops the other night. .

Since then they've been sleeping in shifts so that one of them is always guarding the homestead from alien invasion. I guarantee they'll get bored and give up eventually though, they usually do.

One bear who never gives up though is Ike. He's spent most of his life tracking and documenting all the UFO encounters in D.C and when he heard about this latest one through his bunker radio he decided it was time the whole community learned what was happening in the skies above their County.

And so he rented out County Hall, eager to deliver a complete congressional style disclosure hearing on twenty years worth of UFO activity right across the whole of Dunny County...

...and his audience were completely enraptured...

And that's all the news! Sorry, it's been a stupid week with all this silly UFO stuff. I'm glad we humans don't have to put up with that sort of nonsense on our news feeds!

Till next time.

 

[Dunny County]

It's been a busy few weeks in Dunny County. The Ed Fringe Show was being held over In The Great Bear Capital but one of the comics booked to perform there (Graham "Hammy" Hammyham) got removed from the bill at the last minute, apparently over his controversial views on the difference between cats and dogs... He'd booked himself into Charlise's motel for the whole run, so now he just hangs out in the reception instead. Charlise doesn't mind, she's actually a big fan.

One night Charlise was unwinding in Ursulla's bar, when she happened to overhear that Beardo Beardoford bear boasting about winning some kind of comedy new-comer award at the Ed Fringe show and bragging about how he got Graham cancelled from the bill...

...poor Graham. Charlise hates boaster, braggers and bullies...

...and so do the rest of Dunny County, which is why they all suddenly put down their drinks, walked out the bar, headed around the back of the motel and proceeded to start building a make-shift stage...

...and a mere ten minutes later and Graham was out performing his gig to all the regulars. Nobody cancels a comic in Dunny County, nobody would dare!

Better luck next time Beardo the weirdo!

 

[Dunny County]

Uneventful week since the impromptu comedy gig, although I heard on the grape-vine that Groucho is being 'honked' awake by a dreaming Nate every night at the moment. Too much cheese at bed-time.

And a word of warning for any humans thinking of entering the County. Whilst they are not technically banned, they are hightly discouraged from doing so... As these two backpackers found out: