The Bears Of Dunny County

[Dunny County]

Hello everyone,

My name is [REDACTED] and I'm a journalist and documentarian who has been living undercover in the 'strictly bear only' region of Dunny County, a relatively baron stretch of highway just off from the (much more progressive) Great Bear Capital where my best friend @Goldi Locks lives.

Dunny County doesn't boast much in the way of tourist spots, it's mostly just desert highway with patches of farmland, but for generations now a small community of bears have made it their home. Today Dunny County boasts it's own motel and bar, a 24 hour (citation needed) gas station, a ranch homestead and even Fish-Co Processing recently dumped-- sorry, built one of their toxic great factories there, so unemployment in the county has recently gone down by... oh, at least two that I know of.

The bears of Dunny County live a much more basic and old-fashioned life than their kin over at The Great Bear Capital and unfortunately still have some of the old values and prejudices alongside it, as such humans don't tend to be welcomed with open paws there - hence my undercover disguise up there.

I intend to remain here in the County indefinitely, reporting on the comings and goings of these mysterious bear-folk who have now come to accept me as one of their own and will regularly post my reports on here for anybody else who finds the hidden world of the highway bears as fascinating as me.

Thanks for reading, if you did.

[REDACTED]

 

[Goldi Locks]

Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyy! I'm so happy you're here!

 

[Dunny County]

Yayyyyyyy! Thank you for telling me about this place, its great!

 

[Dunny County]

As these island logs will now be my primary archive of Dunny County reports, I thought it best to bring any who access them up to speed and introduce them to the key residents of this unusual stretch of highway.

Cowbear Kody runs the only desert-edge farm-ranch this side of The Great... or indeed the other. Wife Tammy and brother Pudge help out and get in the way in equal measure.

Single guardian, factory worker Teddy apparently inherited niece and nephew Cheri & Vlad when his sister... "...unexpectedly went into witness protection or something, I forget what it was she said now... " (his words, not mine.)

Charlise and her spelling-bee-champion son Murphy live at their own motel with Charlise's wife (and unlikely dive-bar owner) Ursula, who she met a couple of years ago at a biker camp-out.

The Motel and Bar is very much the closest thing Dunny County has to a regular hang-out and most of the residents spend their down-time there, it's a great source of gossip.

Ike's been preparing for the fall of Bearkind ever since he was a cub and chooses to live just off the highway in a secure compound he built with his own two paws, venturing out only to work (alongside Teddy at the Fish-Co warehouse) or take hunting trips with his beloved niece, Maple who lives with her father (Grizzly) over at the The Great Bear Capital. Ike loves vodka and choc-ices and insists a bear can hibernate for a whole season with just those alone.

All Dunny County's automotive needs are taken care of by Nate & Groucho over at "The Gas-Stop" where things are going so well for them that they're hopeful one of them might be able to move out of the wheel-less motorhome in the backlot soon.

Nate, Groucho and their gas-stop is always the first and last thing you see as you go in and out of Dunny County, so it's a landmark that brings either joy or misery depending on which direction your going I suppose.


That's about it for the introductions, there are a few other residents dotted about the County but these twelve provide a suitable enough cross-section of the population for the purposes of my journalism.

I will update with a tour of the county tomorrow.

Thank you for readng,
(REDACTED)



,

 

[Dunny County]

There have been quite a few comings and goings here in Dunny County of late, last week Kody and Tammy held their annual barn-dance and as ever some of the more adventurous members of The Great Bear Capital were in attendence.

Unfortunately, it seemed at some point in the evening whilst I was otherwise engaged a little shouting match took place between Tammy and Paula, apparently over Paula's objection to Tammy farming pigs. Paula runs a vegan cafe over in The Great so this is clearly something she's passionate about, but there was probably no need to drag Tammy's height into it. (photo courtesey of @Goldi Locks)

What Paula didn't know was that Tammy is not a Bear who takes things lying down. In fact Tammy was completely incapable of lying down that night, she apparently spent hours pacing angrily up and down her room.

But then, around 3am, she suddenly had an idea...

And with that she ran to her laptop and began work... The next day, tired but excited, she unveiled her brand new project to Kody...

...assuring him that its all about keeping the Bear community informed about a danger in their midst and has absolutely nothing to do with the fact this particular danger happened to call her 'pocket sized' last night...

I think a feud has been born...!

 

[Dunny County]

There aren't many cubs living in Dunny County, but the few that do all seem to be obsessed with this new pop star.

Don't quite see the appeal myself, but they really seem to be getting in to him.

Teddy recently purchased a copy for his niece and nephew, I think he must have missed the parental advisory warning - still, Vlad and Cheri don't seem to mind.

 

[Dunny County]

Well at least it's keeping them off the internet for a bit, nothing good ever happens there, Tammy's website has been getting a fair number of hits already and from the looks of what one of my hidden desert-cams caught, she's just about to take things to the next level...

...I'm reliably informed by my best friend over in The Great Bear Capital that the individual pictured here is 'Curt', a well known gangster. I dread to think why Tammy's handing that big briefcase full of money over to him but I doubt it means nice news for Paula!

 

[Dunny County]

Looks like the mystery of precisely what Tammy was paying Curt to take care of has been solved. My best friend @Goldi Locks over in The Great Bear Capital sent me this image from Paula's recent 'unboxing' video and would appear that someone decided to deliver something brown and smelly to her.

 

[Dunny County]

Meanwhile back in Dunny County and these trucks were captured on cctv driving down the highway...

Incase you've been living under a rock for the past year, that face on the side there belongs to none-other than KLAUS SCHMIDT whose recent album 'Unbearly' recently went double platinum. He has a new tour coming up apparently and his management company sent these trucks out to deliver ticket-machines to some hard-to-reach places...

Well you certainly don't get more hard-to-reach than Dunny County, which is why one of the trucks parked up just off the desert highway and set this one up.

Teddy's niece and nephew insisted on camping out by it over-night so they didn't miss the tickets when they went on-sale. "The queue will stretch for miles Uncle!" they told him. So he begrudgingly joined them... Nobody else turned up...

...well, one person showed up... Ike, but that's just because he does a perimeter check of the whole County every night at midnight (Yes I have asked him why and no I didn't understand his answer). He was quite surprised to find a truck with a giant face stuck to the side...

...and he was even more surprised to find that his co-worker from the Fish Processing Factory was camping out next to some kind of ticket vending machine. Ike had no idea who Klaus Schmidtt was, or what the tickets were even for, but he knew one thing... If they were good enough for Teddy and his niece and nephew then they'll be good enough for him and his own niece...

...which is how Teddy woke to find Ike and Maple had skipped straight to the front of the queue!

Don't worry Teddy, the joke will be on him when he actually turns up to the concert... Klaus Schmidt is certainly not the type of musician Ike would ordinarily go to see... he doesn't even have a banjo.

 

[Goldi Locks]

Looks like the mystery of precisely what Tammy was paying Curt to take care of has been solved. My best friend @Goldi Locks over in The Great Bear Capital sent me this image from Paula's recent 'unboxing' video and would appear that someone decided to deliver something brown and smelly to her.

View attachment 490780

It was Curt? How did he manage to bake such a huge dump I wonder..

 

[Dunny County]

It was Curt? How did he manage to bake such a huge dump I wonder..

That's a sasquatch stool if ever I saw one. I imagine Curt has connections.

 

[Dunny County]

https://twitter.com/x/status/1645906359257530368

 

[Dunny County]

So last night Ike decided to invite Teddy and his niece and nephew (Cheri and Vlad) over to his 'secret underground bunker' (which is neither secret nor underground btw) for supper. He proudly showed off his sink and bunk-beds, where his niece Maple was trying to have nap.

Vlad and Cheri weren't very interested in the sink and bunk-beds, the only reason they'd agreed to come is because they'd heard from Maple that her Uncle had the most hi-def television in Dunny County - and they knew that Klaus Schmidt was peforming live at the BTV Music Awards tonight...

...of course Teddy and Ike are both supposed to be taking their respective nieces and nephews to his upcoming gig over in The Great Bear Capital so they were intrigued to watch it too, see what all the fuss over this guy is...

They couldn't believe what they saw! The guy was parading around in a horned helmet, amidst a sea of fire, whilst some other little bear in a dress danced around in a cage behind him... THIS is who they've agreed to take young cubs to see?!

Crikey!

 

[Dunny County]

In other news, I think Tammy *might* have noticed the pigs have gone...

...and I guess the rest of the County does too now... Though whether or not anyone has worked out who the culprit is, is another matter. But it'll only be a matter of time before they do Paula.

 

[Dunny County]

...Yep, I was right, Tammy's just updated her 'Paula-The-Truth' website with a gif of Paula that's been deliberately manipulated to make her look spherical whilst a trombone plays over the top.

 

[Goldi Locks]

That's Klaus Schmidt?????

 

[Dunny County]

There hasn't been much going on in Dunny County over the past couple of days, but it seems like it's all been kicking off over in The Great Bear Capital where some of the Dunny cubs go to school. As @Goldi Locks reported over in her blog there was a bit of a classroom commotion when Judy kept trying to wind June up over her Mum Paula becoming a meme. June apparently lost her temper in the end and basically told the precocious little cub to (CENSORED) off!

June wound up in library detention over her outburst. Vlad was there too, but Vlad's always there - he's practically a detention season ticket holder! Feeling in a mischevious mood himself, he sent her a photo...

"Hey June, if you want revenge, why don't you share this photo of Judy's Aunt at her wife's birthday? Those sunglasses and that dress are so embarrassing and you know they live in a Motel, right?"

Actually Vlad they own and run the motel, as you well know, but anyway here's the photo... I guess it is a *bit* embarrassing... I wonder what June is going to do with it?

 

[Dunny County]

Ike always spends April 20th (or 420 day as it's known) camping in the woods behind the Motel and enjoying a nice bubble-vape that he mixes from some of the herbs growing off the highway. This year he decided to invite his 'best friend' Teddy to join him...

Teddy was rather surprised to be invited, not least because he had absolutely no idea Ike considered him his "best friend" - afterall, they only work together at the Fish Processing plant and even then they don't really talk much. I guess Ike feels they bonded over purchasing the Klaus tickets together the other night... None-the-less, he had to admit the vape smelled good...

...But just as he was having a good sniff, they both heard a noise...!

Something was coming through the woods, something very big and heavy... maybe even two somethings very big and heavy...

ROOOOOAAAAAAR!!!!!!!

Oh, it was just Ursulla and Charlise! They'd smelled the vape through their motel window and Charlise had insisted it smelled just like exhaust fumes from a rival biker gang. Her wife Ursulla didn't have the heart to tell her that she doesn't have a rival biker gang, so she just went along with her plan to go and scare them off...

...but when they saw it was just Ike and Teddy with a delicious smelling bubble-vape, they quickly apologised and asked if there was room for two more round that fire...?

Looks like they all had a fun night!

 

[Dunny County]

Well it's the big Klaus Schmidt concert over in The Great Bear Capital tomorrow, I'm sure @Goldi Locks will be reporting on it. What she might not know though is that the main man Klaus himself checked into the Dunny County Motel with his manager earlier this evening. He gave a false name and wore a disguise, I can only assume he was staying out in the sticks to avoid fans and paparazzi...

...not sure Charlise would have recongised him anyway, she only really listens to 20 year old Hard Rock albums...

I've no idea why he brought a cup of tea and saucer in with him, these modern pop stars are weird...

Anyway, the ironic thing is that two of biggest fans are currently fast asleep on the desert highway less than a kilometer from this very motel... Those fans being Vlad and Cheri, who are busy camping out next to the bus stop that will take them to the gig tomorrow. Uncle Teddy is with them of course, although this whole thing wasn't his idea - it was actually his new 'best friend' Ike who decided they should do it, dragging his every loyal niece Maple along with them.

Teddy has learned not to argue with Ike by now, he didn't feel like pointing out the bus-stop is literally right in front of Ike's house anyway, or the fact that the gig doesn't actually take place until tomorrow evening... No, he just went along with it...

Besides, he had bigger things to worry about... like the fact that Nate had overheard him talking to Klaus about the gig in the garage and had somehow completely misunderstood everything and got it into his head that he was supposed to go too...

He's terribly excited, thinks Teddy has bought him a ticket and everything... Teddy doesn't have the heart to tell him that there is no ticket and he never actually invited him... He's just hoping they can somehow lose him on the way...

 

[Dunny County]

So the big Klaus Schmidt gig happened over in The Great Bear Capital where @Goldi Locks covered the whole affair in all of it's glitzy glory...

Nate never showed up in the end, so I guess Teddy managed to give him the slip... either that or he's still fast asleep at the bus-stop...

Unfortunately for Teddy and Ike though, they DID have to attend - and to say it wasn't quite their cup-of-tea would be an understatement...

...From the minute Klaus stepped on stage in a slinky black dress and began belting out a ballad they reacted with a frozen look of shock that didn't leave them for the entire gig...

...Or on the bus ride all the way back to Dunny County...

...or even at the bus-stop when they finally made it back home in the middle of the night...

...Ike and Teddy certainly shared quite the modern pop-culture experience tonight, I don't imagine it's one either of them are going to be keen on discussing ever... least of all wit each other...