I dont smoke or drink

[Watchingthetreetops]

Im 23. And i feel like such a social outcast. I've never been a fan of either. I dont honestly care if others do it. It is their choice. But I feel as though it's difficult for me to make or keep friends because I don't do these things. I feel like the people I manage to keep around just sort of...use me to their own means. I don't know. I've had...all sorts of liquor, I've smoked. It just isn't me. And its so hard to find friends that dont want to just...mess up themselves all the time.

I guess I didn't know where else to turn to with these thoughts, so I came here.

 

[Rasha]

those people you are talking about are not friends, because friendship never requires you to be a poser

 

[KaydeeKrunk]

I know this feeling entirely, I mean I'll drink here and there on occasion but I don't "party" I like to have a drink or two at home and get "cozy" not to get drunk (usually.) I also hate being around people who smoke and so it's hard to keep friends around where I live especially because all there is to do around here is drinkings, gambling, and drugs. =/ I've lots a ton of friends to this which really sucks because nobody just wants to hang out they want to party all the time so its really crappy. I just wish I had more friends who just want to chill at home with me, watch funny shows, play video games and share memes and funny stuff with, I only have a few friends like that and they're introverts like me so we don't even hang often... =[ plus one of them has a kid now, and another moved to Tennessee...

 

[Fantasyrick]

It's not your fault that you want to keep your liver and your lungs. You'll find friends tbh

 

[otomatoe]

I second everything Bahamut said. True friend will accept you for who you are and I absolutely positive there are people out there that do so to you.

and hey, you are not alone! I'm 23 as well, don't smoke or drink either. It was hard for me to blend in into the society when I was in school, university, and even in my current workplace; most of em smoke, drink, party. I don't against all that but just like you, it's not my thing as well. I don't have lots of friend, let alone best friend. I got into the campus community but I realize I'm always the most socially-awkward. It makes me feel that I'm left out, yes, but along the way I meet people who try to talk to me, open up to me, without me fulfilling the so-called "Social Standard" and it gives me hope, I don't have to follow what everyone else do to make friends because that means I have to use some sort of mask to socialize and it'll be sooo exhausting.

Stay true to yourself, I highly believe that you'll find someone who have the same vibe as you!
After all, it's quality over quantity. I prefer 1 good friend over bunch of "friends" that hang out with me just because I do what they want or what they do even I don't wanna do it. And don't feel sorry if you mess up your relationship with people that use you for their own means because that's what you better do and you got nothing to lose, anyway ;D

 

[Twisterheart]

I'm the same way. I refuse to drink, smoke, or do drugs because I've seen how they ruin lives. I just don't want to get invovled in these things ever. I want absolutely nothing to do with them. Don't give in to the pressures around you. If they were your real friends, they would respect your choices and understand that you just aren't interested.

 

[Watchingthetreetops]

The thing is, I don't have anything against people who want to do these things. It's your body! It's your life! And as far as anyone knows, you're only here once! None of us can say in all certainty that we aren't. I honestly see hemp as a sort of medicine for anxiety, and I won't lie, I've smoked once or twice. It just...I can't do it all the time. I like both of my feet planted firmly on the ground.

I guess I just get this overwhelming feeling, sometimes, that I won't make any friends because of this. And I want to know that this isn't true. I want to know that there are people out there that will.

 

[Miii]

Im 23. And i feel like such a social outcast. I've never been a fan of either. I dont honestly care if others do it. It is their choice. But I feel as though it's difficult for me to make or keep friends because I don't do these things. I feel like the people I manage to keep around just sort of...use me to their own means. I don't know. I've had...all sorts of liquor, I've smoked. It just isn't me. And its so hard to find friends that dont want to just...mess up themselves all the time.

I guess I didn't know where else to turn to with these thoughts, so I came here.

I'm 22 and I rarely drink. I didn't even drink on my 21st birthday! I never drank when I was a teenager (even though half my friends were alcoholics lol), never smoked cigarettes despite the fact that most of my friends did, and no one ever really cared. If they really like you for you, then they'll accept the fact that you're just someone that doesn't like to drink or smoke. I mean there's a lot more to your personality than that and they should be able to see that :3

Plus, your friends are guaranteed to have a designated driver if you guys go out xD They should love you for that.

 

[guardgirl]

if they force you theyre not your friends tbh.
theres nothing wrong with having friends that drink even if you dont. you can go out with them and order what makes you happy. if its lemonade then its lemonade. just because youre not into it doesnt mean you have to stay away from the people that are.

 

[ams]

I'm 24 and I also don't smoke or drink (or go to bars etc.). I actually don't find it difficult to find like-minded people. Can I ask if you're currently working or in school? Because I found that as I got further in school more of the party animals were weeded out and a lot more of the people around me had similar values.

 

[kayleee]

You'll find friends. I rarely drink, I never smoke pot anymore and cigarettes are disgusting and all of my friends (for the most part) are pretty much the same way. I even have friends who absolutely won't drink whatsoever and everybody in my social circle supports them in that. It sounds like you just need to be friends with the right kind of people. Anyone who judges you for not drinking/smoking isn't your friend. That's just stupid and childish, you're 23. You're an adult and you need friends that act like adults that can respect and support other people's choices. I know it's not easy to find like-minded people, but even the friends I have that do smoke and drink don't care that others around them don't. I even have a friend that smokes weed literally every day and we still get along great. It just comes down to finding the right sort of people to be friends with. Best of luck

 

[Chrystina]

I have both friends who smoke/drink and some that don't. I've never really viewed anyone differently just because they do, or don't. It's kind of silly to think about, since you're about the same age as me. I could understand if you were younger, since a lot of kids around 17ish try to do whatever they can to fit in, yknow?
If you're having a hard time fitting in somewhere or finding true, good friends - I think you're looking in the wrong places.

 

[LinkToTheWorld]

Hmmm I'm 25 and I don't drink. I do smoke but that's just my choice, there's worse things to be doing and I don't have much else in my life really.
When I was about 15 I felt very much pressurised into joining in with my 'friends' drinking and hanging around this churchyard at night where everybody used to congregate. I joined in for a time but as I got older, left school, I got over it. Realised I was my own person and grew in confidence somewhat. I'd say by 23 I was perfectly fine with not trying to fit in with anybody, just be your own person. There's no need to feel pressurised into anything like that by anybody. Maybe at school you feel it more because you're young, wanting to fit in and pretty much trapped in that environment. When you're older you can choose who to be around and where you spend your time. You will find people who also don't drink/smoke/go out partying. Not everybody is like that.

 

[LunarMako]

I occasionally smoke and drink. I am amazed and happy that I haven't gotten addicted to smoking. But if they are your friends, it shouldn't matter if you do it or not. If it does matter and/or they can't do anything but smoking and drinking, they have some growing up to do.

 

[Alienfish]

good for you?

also yes you will find friends just saying those people are p much in majority and you need to look more i assume

 

[Celestefey]

Well if it's any consolation - you're not the only person who feels this way. There are definitely plenty of people out there who don't find any enjoyment in drinking or smoking either. I don't. I will drink sometimes, but I only enjoy alcohol if it doesn't actually TASTE like alcohol... Like fruity stuff. But yeah, it's not something that appeals to me. I'd rather go out exploring a city or having a picnic in the park with friends rather than spending money on a ton of drinks at a bar, getting completely drunk, then blacking out and not remembering a single thing. I don't see the enjoyment in that to be honest!

 

[Sanaki]

i actually know exactly how you feel. i'm only 19 but i've never smoked weed or went to any parties. i feel weird about it, especially how my boyfriend did all that stuff and had one night stands.. i don't want to ruin my body but part of me feels like a loser compared to him and i get jealous(?) i actually don't know what it is. anger? :x hearing about what he's done, NOT THAT I WANT TO BE that girl to him, i just don't like feeling like a loser. i know your feelings.

 

[Acruoxil]

I don't smoke or drink either, if they're your real friends they'll understand. I admit ive smoked when I was out with friends once before in the heat, but it's never happening again and my friends totally get that.

 

[Mino]

Only thing worse than people who give a **** when others don't drink are people who want validation for their choice not to.

 

[amanda1983]

Eh I think with time you'll learn that there are plenty of people who don't smoke/drink yet are still very active socially. Just a matter of finding them!

I'm the eldest of 4 girls, aged between 32 and 23. My mother has been a pack-a-day smoker my entire life but has had maybe 20 alcoholic drinks total in that time as she very rarely feels like drinking. My father likes his bourbon but has only ever drunk very lightly, again that's just his preference. Two of my sisters basically don't drink. One has no interest, the other can't stand any alcohol taste except lychee liqueur, and only very very lightly used at that. So she can have fruity cocktails using that liqueur, now, and does very very occasionally. She was thrilled to find one she could drink as she enjoys the look and smell of my cocktails, just could never abide the aftertaste.

My other sister and I drink, or don't , as we please.

I never have and never will smoke, same for my sisters. After drinking occasionally (legally) before I was 18, I didn't really drink again until I was in my mid 20s. Just was busy sorting medical stuff so not inclined, really. I did used to joke about how much I valued my brain cells if acquaintances pushed me to explain why I wasn't drinking, which was kinda obnoxious of me but well.. they started it, and it was true. After I was better medically, I found no issue with occasionally drinking, though never did so to "fit in". I just like the flavours.

I don't get hangovers or any negative effects, though my accent becomes more clipped and british - that's by default whenever I'm tired/sick/stressed/distracted though, so it's a joke but not really accurate to say it's because I've had a drink. I can outdrink most people who haven't pickled their livers, though I don't often do this. Just no benefit, but then there's also not discernible "cost" to me from drinking, it's the same for me as eating chocolate or cake - and I really need as many calories as I can get, so no concerns there.

We have always had plenty of alcohol-free friends. People choose not to drink for many reasons and I would never judge someone on their choice. I would judge them for being preachy or pushy about their own preferences.. but that's it.

Do what works for you.