Women Proposing to Men?

amanda1983 said:

^ Me. Especially so if he were to talk to my father first for "permission" as I've seen in so many tv shows/movies/very old-fashioned families I know. Not only would that be ridiculously insulting to me, personally (I know not everyone!), but it would be essentially the death-knell on our relationship. For him to have so drastically misunderstood me and everything about me so as to think that I would enter into an engagement for marriage without having had many thorough conversations about it first.. yeah, no. Worse still, I know people with similar mindsets who've had a partner *knowingly* go behind their back to get "permission" first, for the sake of tradition. That has never ended well.

I have no problems with proposing if we decide we want to get married. So long as we're both on the same page, neither of us would care who asked whom for the record lol. But I don't know if I'll get married. It's not really a thing in my family, thankfully, and the laws are pretty good here about being in a defacto relationship (only legally required to be living together for 2 years to get much - but not all - of the benefits of marriage). It seems like an awful lot of headaches and money to go through just for a fancy party. I love cake, and dressing up, but I don't need a wedding for that lol.

We did start looking at marriage when we were possibly relocating to America for his work, though. Thankfully that did not go ahead. It wouldn't be the end of the world to be forced to get married under circumstances like that, for either of us, but we'd rather not have our choices made for us.

So, to each their own. If other people have any issue with how you and your partner/s choose to do things in your relationship - then that is literally *their* issue. Sad for them, but please don't let that kind of small-mindedness impact your happiness. You'll never be able to make them all happy with your choices, and trying to is usually a futile effort that ends in tears.

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nintendofan85 said:

I wouldn't mind it at all. My mom absolutely detests it though, but she says it kills her to think about a woman proposing to another woman or a man proposing to another man.

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Soda Fox said:

Oh yeah jeez I totally forgot about the whole "asking the father for permission" part of that. I think it's so silly. A woman is not her father's property, why treat her that way? Needless to say I did not ask my father-in-law for permission and told my dad it's not up to him when he said he was disappointed at how my whole marriage played out.

That said, I think if it's important to the girl that the guy gets her father's permission then that's just a different point of view that should be respected too. To each their own after all.

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amanda1983 said:

Wait, what??? You mum detests the idea of a(ny) woman asking a(ny) man to marry her? For real? May I ask why, if you want to share? And it (metaphorically, I hope) kills her to think about a(ny) woman asking her female partner to marry her, or a(ny) man asking his male partner to marry him??? But, um, why?

... Is this a religious thing? Sorry if I'm being nosy, please don't answer me if you don't want to for any reason. I'm just genuinely confused and rather shocked to hear about an adult that invests so heavily and unhealthily (in my opinion, and I'm being as diplomatic as I can here) in other's marriage proposals.



I agree completely! "Asking for the father's permission" in modern times is just a silly tradition leftover from times when women weren't expected - or even allowed - to make their own choices in life. But if it's important to someone then that should be respected, even if it's very different from your own preferences. And good for you for standing your ground and not letting your dad negatively impact your marriage. Sometimes, some parents are wayyyy too focused on what they want from their child (adult or not), and they don't realise their child is not an extention of them.

I'm lucky to have two parents who are *well* aware that I am my own person who is not beholden to them for the rest of my life simply because I'm their daughter. I love them and I respect them - but I am not their servant, and I will not be treated poorly by them or anyone else. I respect them because they have earned it. If they hadn't, the best they'd get from me would be courtesy and love from a distance.

That reminds though : my partner actually cut his mother off entirely after his wedding with his former wife. Despite multiple warnings, and after serious discussions both before and after the wedding, that woman STILL would not stop criticising everything from the location of the ceremony and then reception, the music at the wedding reception, their outfits, the quality of some of the other guests, how rude the couple was not to have invited x, y, and z random extended relative. And she had never stopped criticising him for anything and everything. Considering how rocky the mother-son relationship had been since childhood, the woman was only invited to the wedding out of politeness to begin with. When she began attacking (verbally) his wife as well, instead of just him, that was it.

He hasn't seen her or had any contact with her since. I've never met her and never will unless I cross paths with her accidentally. To her credit, she knows better than to try and change my partner's mind : when you're dead to him, you are *dead* and that's that. Harsh as it may seem, she absolutely earned that consequence - and she's rather lucky she never has to face me, frankly. I don't get furious about much but when I do, I get very very eloquent. I'd have a lot of things to say to her if the opportunity came about.

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Espurr said:

i mean, i'm all for women's rights
as long as i'm not affected personally

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